Does anyone's child participate in a programme to foster peer-group interactions at nursery?

[lingle]

I had a meeting with nursery manager last night. She wants me to tell the paediatrician we're seeing for an initial assessment on Monday that DS2's speech is coming on well, and he will play happily with any of the adults, including games like pretending to make cups of tea. BUT when another child joins in he gives up, goes away and goes off to do one of his "safe" solitary games like playing with numbers or flushing the toilets. He does no parallel play whatsoever at nursery though he turn-takes fine in group sessions, is amenable to being moved on, knows all the children's names and loves jobs like distributing items to all the children. He also makes babbled requests to me to visit the other children/go to their houses and does lovely parallel play on playdates and plays cooperatively with big brother (though he also likes to check out the light switches and loos at other people's houses!).

She wants me to ask the paed. if there are any programs she could start to foster peer group interactions at nursery.

Does anyone have experience of this? I think it's a question of funding because it's a popular nursery and there will be 24 children from January. I think she's worried that she won't have the staffing to provide the help he needs and he'll just go to a corner..... he already does "time to talk" but that's about 1-1 interaction with an adult really.

In a way, I'm quite happy that at least I now have a specific message to convey to the paed. Also I know he does parallel play at home and at others' houses so I think it's the nursery environment without mummy and with that intensity that some of us can probably remember (does anyone else remember being at nursery and feeling almost an "aura" when another child came too close?)that's causing the problem. Plus he's only 3.3!

No experience but if you don't mind I'll be watching any answers with interest as I've just posted on here in tears at my DS's social problems in Reception. It's all becoming more apparent and I feel like the uncertainty is choking me.

set up situations where he joins in with one other, so hes doing the initiating and he wont feel like his space has been invaded.time to talk, do you mean ginger bear?
start with introducing one friend to oplay with at nursery, simple games like building a tower, postin cars down a chute etc..
got to shoot now but will think of more later

myredcardigan, I will read your thread tonight. I have one idea already and will run it by you once I've read it.

littlemiss - thank you. yes, I mean ginger bear.

Nursery manager is lovely. She said "if we have the right inputs in the first nursery year, they fly in the second nursery year".

She is terribly excited by the progress of another little girl who still had evident behavioural problems in Sept. but now blends beautifully. She wants the same for DS2. so do I

Thank you, Lingle

There is a programme at State nurseries called Seals - stands for social something - sorry cant remember at present. Basically its small group work to foster social interaction among other things. My DS does it and it seems to help. If its a state nursery ask about that.

read your thread myredcardigan. Hope you're feeling a bit better now.

My idea was this. There's a book published by the Hanen Foundation called "Fostering Peer Group Interactions in pre-school Settings" or something like that. So in the unlikely event that school can't come up with a plan, it might be that that would have ideas. If it's anything like their late speech book it'll be brilliant. There's stuff about it on their website at www.hanen.org.

mumfun - thanks so much will look up Seals straight away. Yes it's a state school nursery in Yorkshire so that might be available. Am excited as I know there's a sociable little boy in there somewhere!

myredcardigan, if you're the sort of person who likes to "read up", here are some articles I've just found

www.everythingpreschool.com/articles/guidance/social.htm

Looks like "seals" stands for "Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning". following the trail....following the trail.....

And here's some background to SEAL

www.standards.dfes.gov.uk/primary/publications/banda/seal/pns_137805_get_started.pdf

I haven't found a description of mumfun's LO's programme but SEAL is obviously the buzzword for the nursery manager to use.....

Hanen has a course for teachers, preschool staff etc. called Learning Language and Loving It, which is along the same principles as the parents courses but obviously tailored to childcare and educational settings. One of the sections in that is on fostering peer interactions - so that will be what is in the book you mentioned. The course is great, but not many areas offer it - worth a try to see if your SLTs run it. Otherwise, the book is great (altho obviously not as good as getting the staff on the course).

Dd1's school runs SEAL and I think it is for the older children - more about getting along with each other on a bigger class wide level rather than an individual's social skills at the earlier stages of development.

nationalstrategies.standards.dcsf.gov.uk/inclusion/behaviourattendanceandseal/primaryseal

This is a webitse giving information on SEALs. Sorry havent had a chance to go through it in detail. I also have no background in teaching so cant really comment on how it works.

From my own experience DS takes part in a SEALs group for 4 to 5 year olds (Reception)at his school. The Educational Psychologist who talked to us about him (suspected Aspergers)felt that this group was excellent for him to try to help develop his social skills.

Thanks for those three helpful additional posts

Tclanger, what you say (and littlemisschatalot said it too) about your experience makes perfect sense. Just as you say, they are not daft, so they give up. As would I. Lotto- grrr, for heaven's sake...

DS2 and DS1 do the following together: skids/slides, building train tracks, building marble runs, sofa olympics, bed bouncing, blowing raspberries, pretending to be asleep then wake up, making choking-like noises then announcing they are joking, tumbling/wrestling, taking turns to be thrown about (they always know when it is the other one's turn)/singing into their bargain bucket toy microphones together. I suppose only the construction activities lend themselves to nursery as the wilder outdoor/bouncy activities might be harder to model from!

It's all very odd as DS2 responds to and imitates DS1 slavishly. If I need a moment to myself, I ask DS1 to play with DS2. I don't think that DS2 has refused an invitation to play with DS1 more than twice in the last year. I wonder if DS2 has never learnt to initiate, but only to respond to invitations from his brother? I noticed that he slotted himself behind another boy he was getting on well with on the playground the other day just as he does with his brother, even though the boy is only 6 months older.

try to set up games that dont need language. (like the ones your 2 like playing.)think physical turn games. copyig games in a small circle, ie : one child claps, next one stamps feet, ds claps, stamps feet and adds own action.
se up situations where ds needs to initate model the language you want him to say eg my turn, can i play, whats that?

thank you very much. I saw the paediatrician today who said it's the SALT's job to advise on these issues.

DS2 is presently the youngest and least mature in nursery. The staff are only human so I wouldn't be surprised if many of the activities involve language that is just too hard for him.

It sounds like there is a consensus that what we need is 1-on-2 sessions that are language-appropriate and interest appropriate (his track building skills impress other boys, his language skills do not impress the girls!)

How'd it go with the pead?

Thanks for asking.

Funnily enough, it was a bit of a non-event. DH, I, DS1 and DS2 all went. I assumed that DS1 and DS2 would play trains together. Strangely, perhaps because it was in a cottage hospital, we were shown first into a 10ft by 12 ft room with a chair hovering in mid-air which DS2 was told to get on to be weighed! Unsurprisingly he was spooked (I was too tbh). Then we had to go back to the waiting room. Then to a teeny tiny room with the paed and nurse who shut the door. DS2 was spooked again (suspected either babysitter or another hearing test I think). Amost no toys! The nurse went off to get some.

So he, DS1 and DH played in the corridor outside. DS2 was so stressed he was Crawling!!! he didn't cry or shriek or tantrum, just bided his time knowing we'd leave eventually, and biscuits helped. The paed. tried to join in once he was playing with some toys and he moved away to play with a different toy - this must be what nursery are talking about. First time I'd seen it. But if you'd put me in that environment as a child I would not be at all relaxed. Imagine going to a labour ward that was really horribly designed.....

She did take a history -not quite as detailed as I'd feared. She just said that time will tell and that she could see where nursery was coming from with their concerns but that the SALT would come up with a programme. She could see the language delay - fairly obvious. I guess there's little more for her to say at this point. She asked us what our worries were about our child and DH announced he wasn't worried! We'll see her again in April.

Positives: it was not too traumatic and I can forget about it feeling I've done my duty to nursery and SALT. Paed. sympathised about me being torn between RL friends who think I'm too anxious and SALT who doesn't think I'm anxious enough! Paed. seemed to think it unnecessary to throw lots of diagnostic possibilities at us but treated us like human beings. Paed. appreciated significance of family history (older brother, similar problems, all self-resolved).

Negatives: no real advice. Very very unchildfriendly environment - how many 3-year olds would not object to being lifted up and placed in mid-air by a stranger without any play or warning? I'd have been much more worried about DS2 if he did not object to this. Not the medics' fault, just the facilities I guess. And paed was in a dark cramped scary room. Unnerving for DS2. Others on mumsnet have mentioned paed's offices as being like a playroom so was expecting something so much nicer!

Oddly enough, one of the houses DS2 now goes to is that of the other consultant paediatrician at the hospital! But the lady works all hours anyway so the last thing she'd want is her work life invading her home-day. So I didn't mention this.

Oh, the one definite piece of advice she gave was that it was a very good thing DS2 is waiting another year before starting reception. All the professionals are agreed on this - pretty vehemently too. Did I ever mention my stong feelings about this topic? Ah yes, I think it has cropped up on a thread or two.....