Can anyone on here tell me how you can tell when it's asperger's and when they are just a child who finds life difficult.

[myredcardigan]

Hi, DS is 5. Loves school. Is very bright and academic and studious. However, he really struggles socially. He does want to have friends but it's as if he is unsure how to interact. He often follows other children keen to join in with them but his social skills are very immature.

He does have imaginative play but his play is quite rigid and he has complete tantrum/meltdowns if it doesn't go as he wants it to. When playing with other children or DD1 he is very dictatorial about what they/she must do. He will start screaming if something like a sheet of A4 won't stand up by itself because he is so focused on wanting it to do what he wants.

His language is not at all strange. And he had very good non verbal communication before speech (pointed before his first birthday etc)
Could he just be very socially immature?
He also has episodes of hysteria over little insignificant things like tonight it was 'I don't want that to be there.' He is also very, very highly strung.

Having two further children and with DD1 now 2.5 I can clearly see how her tantrums are frequent but short lived, different from his. She also plays with everything and anything and is very easily distracted. He has a super?!? attention span.

How can I tell if he needs more help/support or if he is just different or immature?

TIA

The problem with AS kids is they do appear to all be different. Not sure if anyone has mentioned eye contact? My son is now 16 but was diagnosed at 12 within half an hour of seeing a phychiatrist. She asked him if he found it difficult to look people in the eye? He said yes, as he felt people were trying to look into his soul. It brought a huge lump to my throat His choice of words has always been very advanced for his age (in a very odd way) and he will use complicated words in out of place situations to point things out. He hates smells, strong lights and certain fabrics. He doesnt follow fashion and has compulsions with certain hobbies. He finds it very difficult to fit in but gets on better with adults. He does take things very literally so explaining things has to be precise. Other kids find him hard work as AS tends to make a child very selfish indeed. I brought a wonderful book called 'let me tell you about aspergers sydrome' for my other children and family to read. It takes about 10 mins to read, but explains everything and can refer to any person or child with AS. My son would also be able to add very large numbers together very quickly at the age of 7 - he is predicted A Star in gcse math. I hope you find some answers, I usually feel a mums intuition is the right one.

Hello Mumslife, my son too hates loud noises, except his own of course He to is a complete nerd on the computer. My son wasnt diagnosed until 12, so we really didnt know what was going on with him, as a baby,toddler etc, we found him difficult at times, but had no guidance as we didnt know what was wrong. His schools were of no help as he was academically very clever and didnt cause problems in class, so they didnt want to know. Playtime was terrible, as he was always alone and would often come out of school crying as he had been bullied terribley. He does try to fit in with his peers now, but he is left out of alot of things, but accepts the excuses he is given. It hurts me more than him. He is an adorable son, who was very loving, but now feels he is becoming a man and men dont hug their mums etc. He has terrible depressions and gets very anxious, but it is hard to help him as he talks in a very factual manner and thats a hard nut to crack. The best thing we have found for bouts like that is distraction and the school are okay about him taking time off to do this. Sometimes when he is confused about social issues and relationship, I say to him, maybe he is not the different one, maybe the others are - that helps him. Aspergers sydrome is a fascinating subject, I am no expert, but he was diagnosed and we were told there was no help in our area available, but just to read what ever we can.

Ilovechristmas, there should be help. There really should be. How social services etc get away with providing no help for these children and young people (or indeed us adults) is a constant source of astonishment for me.

Asperger syndrome is indeed a fascinating subject. The friendships and relationships thing is always a challenge for us, but it can work if we find out enough of the rules. I bought the books on human behaviour and read those, which really helped me to understand why people did the things they did. Can't do all of them myself (what IS it with all that body language and facial stuff, eh?!) but I learned enough to not make so many mistakes.

Hi amber! In my area and at the hospital where my son was diagnosed, she said they had a special needs person who had recently been laid off due to cut backs! It is very fustrating sometimes, but we cope. I could claim for the night attendance allowance, but the way I feel is he is my son and I dont need that I like your attitutude!! I have an online friend who is 25 and has AS and has been an insperation to me and my son, if I have a question on how to deal with something, I contact him. He is absolutely amazing, but sometimes his diagrams and long winded explanations are hard reading lol! A good friend though. x

Hi Mumslife, we do the same, we have to make allowances or it would just spoil the rare trips out with him that we have. We went on holiday to devon and he would only come as long as he could take his paraquete (sp??) and his computer. His room actually looked like his bedroom at home!
The face pulling - could it be a stim? My son sucks his fingers and sits on his feet, its a sort of comfort blanket for him and he does some funny things with his nose!! He also had a fit at the age of 9 when he changed schools, probably alot to do with the stress of change. We didnt know he was AS at the time and he had a ecg type thing to his head (where they stick all the electrodes on) they said he had a few 'spears' but wasnt epyleptic. I now wonder if the spears would be due to his AS? Its best just to let them carry on with their stims. My son is also very touchy feely with things. I learnt during the diagnosis stage that a AS person will pick out certain things differently to an NT. They are more likely to pick out a specific thing rather than a rounded picture of the thing or person. I have friends with children who have AS all very different to my son.
I am sure I have become more AS as you cant help but think carefully about everything you or others say and do when you have an AS person in the house!! xx

oh, yes that glue stuff was a nightmare! Your poor daughter!
I was watching an interview with Adam sandler and said to the OH, I thought he was AS, so I googled it and sure enough he is! I love him He is so sweet with it. I told my son that as I know he likes him and felt it might be cool that they had the same problem.
I have 2 friends with kids who have this and one is quite different, the other, a girl, is very similar in her language and very bright with it.
The thing that scares me most is the illness/injuries side of the condition. Have you come across this? My son burnt his arm badly on the kettle and didnt even notice until the school did and I had a phone call to go and pick him up. I took him to a&e and they dressed it everyday for a week. Later, he literally nicked the end of his thumb and made a huge fuss (age 14) and wouldnt let me look at it as it was so, so bad I wouldnt like it. When I did eventually look, it was nothing?? Another time he had a sick bug and I really was on the verge of ringing 999 as he seemed so bad. He doesnt scream and shout, but is in obvious distress, but when he is sick it all goes away. Apparently people with AS can break a limb and not even know they have done it. This side of the disorder, I find very worrying. Also, my son will take risks and not even think about the dangers, that to is a bit scarey. Its nice to know you child has friends and is socialising well, I think alot depends on the school and the kids that go there, he went to school with some bullies and he was an easy target for them xx

The injury thing sounds very familiar, yup. I often have people say "where did you get that huge bruise from?!" and I haven't a clue. No idea I'd even done it. And I can be in a lot of pain and not notice it if I'm doing something else. But the slightest rough or cold texture feels SO painful. It's like all our pain responses are reversed somehow. Very strange.

Hi amber! That part is a bit worrying! someone said to me it could be to do with the sight of blood, but that doesnt explain my son getting very concerned (and that is the way he deals with it in a concerned rather than upset fashion) when he vomits etc or has a headache which appears to the onlooker to be life threatening!! Its nice to chat with likeminded people xx

To my way of thinking if someoen is on the spectrum they are going to have some difficulties with communication and/or language, though this will manifest itself in different ways. For example, Ds1 has severe difficulties with understanding and using language for social communication, whilst he has made significant progress he still has a lot of differences and difficulties. With myself I have superficially very good language abilities and good receptive abilities, but have various difficulties. These include extreme difficulties initiating and expressing my feelings and often wants and needs, difficulties in keeping up with group conversations, talking to other people through a safe person like my husband, dominating a conversation on a one to one basis, not understanding about other people's perspectives.

Hi Bullet, my son cannot keep up with group convos either, I have read it can become so muddled for the listener it causes anxieties. He cannot express himself well either, when we hug it is a very robotic like hug, but sometimes when he is tired I get a genuine hug and it brings a tear to my eye as I dont get that kind of warmth from him very often Your husband sounds very supportive, I hope oneday that my son will find someone as equally as supportive - not sure how they will cope with his forgetfulness though lol!! x

Thanks ladies. Very interesting to hear all the perspectives.

Bullet, that's interesting that you say that about language/communication. My DS has no language problems at all. He developed language at the normal rate and in the normal way and he talks just like every other child his age although he has an excellent vocab but that could just go hand in hand with him being very bright. He is intersted in everything and doesn't limit himself to one or two obsessions. For instance, he has mostly ignored all old toys since Christmas,making his way through the enormous pile of pressies he received.

His communication at home is excellent and seems very normal to me. He initiates conversation including small talk. However, at school he barely speaks at all. He is very nervous and anxious especially in large groups. He's absolutely fine 1to1 or in a small group but keeps his mouth shut in whole class situations. He getsvery upset if I or his teacher push him to talk and he hides his face in his hands.

As I said before, no sensory problems at all including light/noise. Oh and we have the opposite to the pain thing you ladies have mentioned. Every little bump is a drama and you would think someone was killing him.