How would you handle this????

[Jaysmum]

J was playing with a friend today.....and the friend told him if he didnt do what he was told to do then the friend wouldnt be his friend anymore.

The thing was smoking!!!!!!!!

Poor J walked right into the house holding the lit ciggie and the mother saw him and made a dsh for J's hand....he bolted and I spent 45 mins trying to convince him I wouldnt be mad.

How would you have dealt with it.

Hubby thinks I should have smaked him.....I NEVER SMACK....NEVER HAVE and NEVER WILL.

Hubby thinks I am too soft.....he was given a clip around the ear when his father caught him doing the same thing.....only difference is J has AS and he doesnt!!!!!

Really dont know how I should have handled it and feel like I am not sending J the right messages because I didnt blow my top....what was the point, it wouldnt undo what had already been done.

Any opinions?????

It's difficult to say how I'd react in this situation. I honestly don't know. I think though that shouting and smacking would be at best pointless and at worst counter-productive. I don't think it would have solved anything.

The fact that J wandered into the house with the cigarette would suggest to me that he honestly didn't see anything wrong with it. In that case I would probably try to go for keeping calm and explaining why it's wrong. Social stories maybe? If J is as rule-bound as my ds1 then you could perhaps add this to his list of 'rules'. The danger with that is that he may then try to 'police' other people who he sees smoking (my ds1 probably would. ).

Thats what shocked me so much by it all....J is extremely anti-smoking!!!!

Bless him. It must have taken a lot for him to go against his anti-smoking views. No I wouldn't have had the heart to shout at him tbh.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall when J meets the Forgetfuls and discovers that there are boys out there who won't try to manipulate him and make him do things he doesn't want to.

Just wish you were coming along too CT

I reckon the calm approach was the right thing to do JM. J obviously didn't realise he was in the wrong and bawling at him wouldn't have made much difference, imo - unless of course you want to trigger off a tantrum. I would yell and lose it if someone told me off for something I thought was OK. I think the worrying thing here is how easily led J seems to be. He knew smoking was wrong and was very anti, yet was prepared to do it because someone else manipulated him into it.

J has always been easily manipulated....but isnt that a trait of AS??? When he was at school he was given a playtime buddy to help him interact with the other children. All went really well until he was given a new buddy who soon worked out J would do whatever he was told to do....great fun was had by the buddy and his mates when they told J to pull down his trousers in the playground and run around showing off his private parts!!!! J did this because they told him he could be in the gang if he did it!!!

Oh God, JM, that IS worrying! I'm concerned about J in that respect, particularly as he's started to think it highly amusing to wiggle his naked rear about the place (Harry Potter pc games have a lot to answer for). Granny said he threatened to do it when she picked him up from school on Monday. Could be in for a bumpy ride.

I'd not heard of manipulation being a characteristic of AS, but can obviously see how it could be. How old is J, JM?