Unsociable 3 year old

[Wallace]

I posted this in Behaviour and Development, and Blossomhill said I may get more response here. What I want you all to say is that there is nothing to worry about:

Dd will be four in June, and at home is a lively, happy, chatty little girl (most of the time!). But at nursery she will not interact with the other children. They will talk to her or try to play with her and she will ignore them. She has been going since August, and after the initial settling in period she did start talking a little bit to the teachers. However since the nursery has got busier, she has stopped talking again. She won't even answer if the ask her a question, eg if they say "Milk or water?" she will point to which one she wants.

At home she plays nicely with her big brother and she has two friends she will also play with, one, who is actually ds' friend, she especially adores.

The nursery teachers are starting to get worried about her lack of interaction. I reassurred them that she does play with and talk to her special friends.
I am just about sure that she is perfectly okay, and it is just her personality, and she will start interacting at nursery in her own time. However occasionally a seed of doubt creeps in my mind. Especially when I see the other kids at nursery playing and chatting happily to each other.

Thanks!

Hi Wallace, I've just spent ages composing a long reply to your post and then deleted it because I wasn't sure if it would be any help. After all I'm no expert. Suffice to say I was just like your dd at her age and right through infants school, but I did eventually speak and join in with the other childrens' games. I had plenty of friends, joined brownies/ballet and tap etc, did well at school, so no long term damage. I hope that reassures you a little.

Sorry, should have said I was ok at home and at friends' houses, it was just at nursery/school I wouldn't speak or join in.

Thank you pixel just what I needed to hear! She doesn't really seem shy, she just blanks people out!

I forgot to mention the most important thing - she is very happy at nursery and looks forward to it a lot

Wallace She sounds a little bit like my God daughter. GD was very overwhelmed by playgroup, she loved it but could not seem to bring herslef to speak. She was very much into pointing rather than using language even though at home she could chat pretty well. The advice given at the time{this was over 10 years ago) was that she should be prompted to attepmt the word before being given her choice. They would then gently praise her "good talking" but not overwhelm her with praise.
She was monitored and had the same problem in reception and to an extent all through infant school.
She is still quiet at school {now 14} but can assert herself well and is popular.
No reason was ever given for her lack of speech in public other than personality.

Wallace if the nursery think there are grounds they can help you get a referral to a specialist who can either put your mind at rest or suggest strategies to deal with the situation if (s)he thinks it's appropriate. I would think either Speech & Language or an Ed Psych might help. There may well be a simple explanation and hopefully a professional opinion can put your mind at rest.

Yes I agree Sinclair. An EP would be a great starting point.

Thank you all for the advice. I will talk to the teachers again after the easter holidays, and see what they say. It was me that approached them last time, but they did say they were glad I had come to them, as they were going to discuss dd and come and talk to me.

Ds, who is at the school at dd's nursery, was telling me that he was out at playtime, andthe nursery children were in their fenced off garden. But dd wasn't there, so he asked the teacher where she was, and was told she was inside playing playdough by herself. He did say that this happened "a long time ago" but with a 5 year old that could have been 2 weeks ago, or last year!

I will definaly ask them about if she comes out to play, because I don't like the thought of her being left by herself.

It's always best to get your concerns check out. You'll probbaly find if anything it will reassure you!

This time I'll actually ask nursery for their opinion, rather than telling them that I'm sure she's fine, and rushing off before they could get a word in. I tend to do that if I think someone is going to say something I don't want to hear

I was thinking about this, and I can't think when I realised dd wouldn't talk to people outside of family and close friends. It was definatley before she started nursery at age 3.