Angry with DDs teacher

[Kazann]

Hello everyone just letting of a bit of steam and really need people to tell me its not me being unreasonable. Last Thursday DD came home with a letter saying she is going to be a star in he christmas play please could we get her a suitable outfit and have in school by this Friday, so of i go like us mums do all round town looking for a star outfit( which i have got to say was not very easy)couldnt find one anywhere so decided to adapt one myself by buying lots of bits and pieces and sewing it together etc. took up quite alot of my weekend and as you all know could do without it in December when there is so much else to do. Went to pick DD up from school today and out comes the teacher with her I am really sorry but your DD is no longer a star in the play she is going to be one of the crowd in the background because in practise today she would'nt stand still and was making funny faces to which i replyed i have spent half my weekend sorting the outfit out teacher said well im sorry that is the way it is and then blatantly turned to the mum next to me and said your child is now a star in the xmas play could you please get her an outfit and bring it in before friday well i couldnt believe my ears i turned round to this mum and said in a very loud voice if you need a costume i have got one at home you can have, feel quite bad now it wasent this mums fault but i just saw red at the time, then shouted at the teacher and told her i was really cross. Why didnt she come out and say could you have a word with DD and tell her she can only be the star if she is sensible and doesnt muck around and at least give her a chance, i am still angry now and have got the whole outfit ready by the door to take to school tomorrow i think the teacher did not deal with this in the right way at all and i am taking the outfit in and i am going to say well if she is a star or in the crowd shis still wearing it, DD was so excited about it tell me am i being oversensitive

YANBU at all, teacher handled it very badly.

Sorry your OP was unclear. Does your dd have special needs?

Sorry, checked your messages and can see you have concerns.
The teacher could have handled things a lot better.

She has social and communication problems, absence epilepsy ad we are waiting to be referred for AS DX, she has a statement and has only just gone back into mainstream school to be fair she does have trouble standing still and makes faces when she is nervous, but even so i know she wil be upset about not being a star also the teacher asking another child to be the star whilst standing next to us i thought was very unprofessional and quite insensitive.

As the school was aware of your daughters dificulties theyshouldn't have cast her as a star in the first place. I would be very annoyed and would have a quiet word with the teacher concerned.

YANBU! The school have handled this very badly. It doesn't matter if they have a bouncy star pulling faces - its not like she's simply being naughty!! IMO they are not making reasonable adjustments for her special needs.

agree with Sarah. I don't see why she shouldn't be the star even if she doesn't behave perfectly - it's a school nativity not Broadway!

Special needs or no special needs - it was a crap decision on the part of the teacher (they're human, they make shit decisions sometimes). Little children bugger about during nativity plays, irrespective of SN. Go back and speak to the teacher calmly.

Just a slight disagreement with what Tinsel posted -

I think they absolutely should cast children with SN, less confident children etc in bigger roles. It's those very children who may benefit the most from these kinds of plays. In our school, there is a definite leaning towards the brighter, more confident kids ALWAYS getting key parts and it pisses me off a bit because I just feel other children who could benefit are being by-passed 'to make the school look good' - IYSWIM.

It sounds as though the teacher was having a bad day and handled it all wrong. If dd had been fine in previous rehearsals then it seems silly to take her role away from her on the basis of one bad day. If dd had been jumping about before then the wisest thing to do would have been to talk to you about it and ask for your help with suggestions about how to calm dd down a little.

Either way the teacher is now going to have to deal with at least one upset child - either your dd or the other child who has been told that they are taking dd's place.

I agree with Doodle2U about parts being given to children with SN. Ds1 got a massive confidence boost when he was given a bigger part in one of his school plays.

what a shame all round. I'd definitely raise your concerns calmly with the teacher next time you have a quiet moment, hopefully she will think before acting in future situations. YANBU at all, I'd be upset and cross too. Hope your dd is ok and the play goes well.

Thanks everyone the head phoned me at 8 0 clock this morning and said that DD can still be a star, but they are not going to put her in the middle now, as they don't think she is comfortable in the middle of all the other children so they are going to put her at the side so she doesnt get overwhelmed with it all. The teacher is newly qualified and has never had to do a nativity before and where it is a catholic school they seem to take it all very seriously thank you all for your support.

Thanks everyone the head phoned me at 8 0 clock this morning and said that DD can still be a star, but they are not going to put her in the middle now, as they don't think she is comfortable in the middle of all the other children so they are going to put her at the side so she doesnt get overwhelmed with it all. The teacher is newly qualified and has never had to do a nativity before and where it is a catholic school they seem to take it all very seriously thank you all for your support.

glad the head sorted it out, the suggestion that she's out of the crowd sounds sensible and helpful.