So the SENCO saw Ds2 today.

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Ds2 is the polar opposite in many ways to Ds1. He (Ds20 has good understanding but is very quiet, rarely speaks and has very poor pronunciation when he does. That combined with him not wanting to interact at playgroup and doing things very much on his own terms means the playgroup asked the SENCO to come in. Who says there's a lot of positive stuff goign on, agreed with his understanding being good for a start, but that she does have concerns so could I get the GP to book him in for a multidisciplinary assessment.
I am meh about it. I can understand why they would be concerned about him at playgroup but I have less concerns about him. I've put up some links taken today so you get an idea of his speech.
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s294 .photobucket.com/albums/mm89/bullet046/?action=view&current=jacob004.flv

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just to add a little more info - Bullet's DS1, 5, is on the spectrum, has delayed language and is at a special school, and Bullet's DS2, who is just over 3 is about to be referred because although his understanding of language is pretty good, he hasn't got much speech, and isn't interested with playing with the other children at his playgroup.

Thank you TotalChaos. I should point out that Ds1's speech is also disordered as well, along with understanding and (if I've understood the terminology correctly) pragmatic difficulties as well. Which is one reason why I've (up until recently) felt more relaxed about Ds2, the fact that he can understand me and get his needs across well has been more encouraging.
I think with Ds2 it's more a case that he rarely wants to do anything in playgroup other than be by himself. They count it as a good day if he sits and watches the helpers make something and doesn't run off. One of them (the one I usually speak to) was saying yesterday that she usually offers him the chance to play in the water if he doesn't go for it when he's upset as it calms him down. He's been going there since about Easter this year so should really be settling in. Of course I'm not expecting him to be incredibly social, but there appears to be a very strong unacknowledgement of the other children which could just be shyness but with Ds1 on the spectrum and myself on the spectrum it is something that probably needs looking at.
He is very quiet at home as well, I spend a lot of time chatting to him with him not making any sounds, you have to watch his eyes to see that he understands in these situations. He is more interactive with me at home, coming over to play or to show me things (although usually it's to get me to do something with said items).

I couldn't get the links to work. I would think, with your knowledge and experience, you are likely to have a better sense than any outsider - even if experienced with SN. If he is ticking all the boxes at home, that's the main thing.

I meant most not all boxes - i see there is a concern about expressive language.

This is the thing Cyberseraphim, I was talking to my mum about him and she says that she was in a similar situation with me at that age, in that there were things which made her think and things that in hindsight she realised were significant, but at the time there were enough things counterbalancing. Eg:

Both Ds2 (and myself at that age) are/were very clingy with respective mums. But so are lots of very young children.

Ds2 says very few words and has very poor pronunciation, but good understanding. I spoke rarely and spoke very fast when I did speak, but also had good pronunciation.

Ds2 likes to line things up, but so do a lot of three year olds.

He has quite a poor grip and takes little interest in things which require manual dexterity, eg tower building or scribbling/painting. But this isn't necessarily something to be concerned with at this age and he is starting to enjoy glueing things at least.

He is very selfcontained but does readily and happily approach myself and interact with me and with DH and to a lesser extent Ds1.

So it really all boils down to at what point do we say ok, let's get him seen and checked out. Because at this stage there isn't anything clear cut, yes he has speech delays and yes he is very quiet and yes he does prefer being on his own than with other children, but there are lots of other three year olds like that and I don't want to fall into the trap of thinking it's more than that because of myself and Ds1. But at the same time I can't see any harm in seeing if he needs speech therapy at least and if in a few years time other things become more apparent, or more of an issue then at least we'll have noted his early years.

You ds2 is simalar to my dd2 (he's lovely BTW), my dd2 is almost non-verbal but has started making alot of noises which aparently is a good sign. Dd2 doesn't realy take any notice of other children but they are still very young for socialising anyway. Its good that the play-group offer him the water play to calm him down, dd2 likes bubbles which they use at play-group to calm her down. We suspect dd2 has ASD as hes sister is on the spectrum (AS) but at the momment we are more concerned about her speech.

"but also had good pronunciation" - should be good understanding. Though I'm sure pronunciation was fine once speech slowed down.
I agree about the socialisation Marne, one reason I've not been very concerned.

Maybe in your case, an outsider's view might actually help - if he is seen as a blank slate rather than you seeing the family background ? Good understanding is positive though. I have a friend whose child has some speech delay ( for a nearly 3 year old) but no other real concerns and again this child has good understanding.