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Original poster

taking DS2 for assessment tomorrow

18 replies

Mrsmumofmonsters · 04/12/2008 09:55

and i don't know how to explain to him why.

I will have to start preparing him tonight so that he has time to process the change in routine(he won't be going to nursery)but he will ask why and i can't properly lie to him! His understanding is v basic so i need to keep it simple. He understood to a degree when we were going to SALT that the ladies were going to help him speak but i am stuck as to how to approach this one.

Luckily it's at the hospital which he quite likes rather than the clinic which results in a meltdown each time because he has to leave teh fish behind!

(he is 3)

OP posts:
Marne · 04/12/2008 10:00

Hi, dd1 (4) has just finished her assesments for Aspergers, we got her dx yesterday.

I just told her we were going to the hospitals for check ups (to see how well she was getting with talking etc..), she enjoyed the assesments as most of them involved playing and answering simple questions.

We havn't told dd1 that she has Aspergers yet but she knows she is different (she's told me a few times).

Good luck and i hope all goes well for you both.

Original poster
Mrsmumofmonsters · 04/12/2008 11:16

That's a good idea going for a check up. thank you!

OP posts:
troutpout · 04/12/2008 11:49

Good luck...let us know how it goes mumofmonsters

Original poster
Mrsmumofmonsters · 04/12/2008 13:58

actually you know, i am really worried about this. What if they look at me like i am neurotic Münchhausen type mother? (must find my list of his "issues") what if he by some miracle is having a completely fantastic day (unlikey seeing as he hasn't had more than 7 "normal" days since he was born)What if they laught at me and tell me its nothing to worry about and then i will just look like a bad mother because i can't handle him??

OP posts:
feelingbitbetter · 04/12/2008 15:58

Oh bless. You can bet your life that if there is to be an 8th day soon, then it'll be tomorrow. The little devils have a habit of behaving at just the 'wrong' time.
It took us a few visits to the neurologist before she saw DS twitching - even the he had constant, random myoclonic jerks since he left hospital at 4 weeks old! Grrr!
They won't laugh at you. I often feel like a neurotic Mum (I am ) as I always turn up to appointments with folders full of info, video cameras and lists of my most recent concerns. I prefer to think of myself as thorough and organised!
You know what its like to live with your DS. As my DSs Dr.s always tell me - all they see is a snapshot in an alien environment and they rely on me to tell them the full story. Good luck and make sure you take that list if you want to compete with me for the neurotic Mum award! xx

troutsprout · 04/12/2008 16:03

I felt like this too momofmonsters. Don't worry ...it will be fine. They will not laugh at you. In our cawse,when it came to it...i had forgotten how much of his behaviour i had accomodated and 'normalised' in my head. She picked up other things that i hadn't noticed or had just got so used to.
Yes...take your list
And good luck!

Original poster
Mrsmumofmonsters · 05/12/2008 11:49

it went well. tbh i am a bit emotional at the mo so i may not make sense but will try because i may forget to update the thread!!

i completely forgot my list and when he asked about my issues i couldn't bring myself to say them all out loud (what a failure!), i did say that to him so he kind of led the questioning. He agreed that there is definitely some kind of, what did he call it, social communication disorder (does that sound right?), he is checking ds2's hearing although he doesn't think there is an issue there but one of my concerns was that sometimes in order for ds2 to know we are talking to him we have to be in his eyesight - kind of like an ignorance thing.
We have also been referred to another consultant for another assessment for possible ASD but he said he didn't like to give labels at this early stage and some of his "issues" may resolve throughout the year as he settles in nursery.

I was told that the way DS2 is is nothing to do with something i did or didn't do, he was born different(consultants words). At which point i couldn't control the sobs and was very embarrassed but it was such a relief to finally hear someone "proper" (you know what i mean) saying that i wasn't to blame (have spent so long blaming myself for him not being given enough attention, for being in a front facing buggy etc etc)
(filling up again here)

So now we just wait the next appointments thru, reintroduce the makaton as ds2 responds well to that and it eases his frustrations, we have been put down for a parenting course which he said would appear on the face of it to be quite insulting but is led by parents of "demanding and difficult children with all kinds of backgrounds" (again, his words)

typically ds3 was having an amazing day, he loves hospitals anyway but the consultant was great and said that they take it all into account as they know that what they see is just a short time in a very different environment.

so i am both and but more relived that my gut instinct was right and that i carried on fighting. I know it will be along long road but i am ON IT now

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 05/12/2008 13:45

I missed any wobbles, but was a mess last night - am assuming you were panicking lots!!! I didn't realise it was today or I would have "done" something for you.

It sounds like a v successful appointment. They are DOING something

Original poster
Mrsmumofmonsters · 05/12/2008 15:40

not so much panic as very anxious. i was going to pre warn you but i completely forgot! sorry!

OP posts:
flamesparrow · 05/12/2008 19:25

Lol - I should have been bright enough to ask what it was. Sorry if you have issues atm

RaggedRobin · 05/12/2008 23:32

gosh that must have been an emotional meeting. such a double edged sword. you've responded really positively though. keep on keeping on!

amber32002 · 06/12/2008 06:35

MrsMumofMonsters, SO pleased that the consultant was able to reassure you that this is something we're born with.

Hope you managed to get some sleep and can wake up and feel a bit of that relief still? At least you know which road you're on...and there's plenty already on it with you.

Original poster
Mrsmumofmonsters · 06/12/2008 12:49

amber, it is something i knew all along but because people have been saying "no" to me i thought maybe it was that him and I were incompatible in a way - does that make sense? That i had somehow not given him what he needed from me emotionally when he was a baby.

In a really strange way i am so happy now. I was listened to and my instinct was right and they are going to help me to help DS2, which actually is all i wanted in the first place! Also, now that i know there IS something then i can attempt at least to start to understand HIM but its such a minefield i don't know where to start at the moment!!

OP posts:
MerlinsBeard · 10/12/2008 21:26

sorry to bump this again, i know this must be pretty minor to some of you.

I finally saw DS2s usual teacher today to tell her how his assessment went and now i feel like i have been slapped in the face and called stupid I said about his probable social communication disorder and she just said right, and when i said he was being assessed for possible ASD she gave me a really funny look and said "really?" as if she thought i was making things up! I simply am NOT imagining things - he is SUCH hard work in some ways and in her class of 20 children there are 4 that i know of with speech difficulties, 1 that has NO speech and other issues an dthe parents will not listen to her advice and 2 that are so outrageous behaviopr wise. I wonder if DS2 is being left to his own devices, he can be very quiet and just do things (usually lay n eth floor wit trains!)

The staff there are FANTASTIC and if it turns out that he does need extra support they will give to him in a flash but i am beginning to fear that if the hospital write to them asking for details of how he interacts with others and how he copes with changes, then they won't properly know....oh this is such a rollercoaster

TotalChaos · 10/12/2008 21:54

try not to read too much into it - when I asked DS's teacher whether she thought he was on the spectrum I couldn't get a straight answer out of her - I think they just try and be non-committal to avoid looking like they are giving a diagnosis they aren't qualified to iyswim. when DS was being assessed, SALT went into nursery to see how he got on there - so hopefully there will be a professional looking at his interaction, rather than them only getting info from school.

RaggedRobin · 11/12/2008 00:18

may also be that her experience of asd children is limited to one particular "type" and doesn't realise that asd children are all very different and present very differently? the hospital will be used to dealing with schools who don't have a lot of experience i'd imagine, and will balance any information given from home and school with what they actually observed when your son was there.

lingle · 11/12/2008 10:37

mumofmonsters, I would just like to say how impressed I am at how well you handled the appointment with the consultant.

twinklingtrace2 · 11/12/2008 10:49

we are same with school teacher ,we now got a dx for aspergers and she still says she thinks ds as not got aspergers! i feel like its all in my mind

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