Sensory Integration/Processing Disorder - PLEASE help - lots of questions!

[galen]

Hi! I am new here and am hoping to get some advice. Sorry if this has been asked before - I did try searching but got totally overwhelmed.
I am in need of advice regarding my 4 yr old. We are really struggling with her.We have a large family (and no her problems are NOT due to having a lot of sibllings so please don't suggest that as others have!) - she is no.4 out of 6 children, and while I really dont "compare" the children as such - she is definately "different" to the others. I am well used to dealing with toddler tantrums/preschool behaiour difficulties but DD's behaviour goes way beyind that. I was initially thinkink maybe ASD BUT she does show empathy - sometimes - can play imaginatively, and seems to make friends at nursery ( although due to house move she has only been there 1/2 a term so a bit early to say how that will pan out!) And then after eading around I discoverd Sensory Integration/Processing Disorder and it fits DD EXACTLY!!
I will try to be brief but some of the things she does include - seeming not to know where a sound is coming from (eg if I talk to her and she can't see me she spins around and round saying where are you) , dislke of noises ( eg flushing toilet) - covers ears, doesn't seem to like physical contact such as hugging, insensitivity to pain - didn't flinch AT ALL recently when she had jabs, clumsy - walks into things all the time ( we had her eyesight checked because of this but her eyes are fine) poor handwriting/fine motor skills, really messy eater, HATES all playground rides such as round - about, see saw etc... unless done REALLY slowly and gently, often seems to just not "get it" when you say something to her - although she can repeat back what you said, wont wear what she calls "floppy trousers".....and so on
Her behaviour is really challenging at home. She has total meltdowns ALL THE TIME, she is aggressive and rough towards her siblings, she is often exceptioally defiant. We have tried countless approaches and discipline techniques with her to no avail.
I am now at the point of taking her to the GP for a referral. I would love to hear anyone elses experiences with htis. From what I have read this is a somewhat controversial diagnosis. How likely am I that I will get this properly assessed and diagnosed if appraopriate? Or am I likely to get fobbed off? Is there actually any help available if I do get her diagnosed?
I would love to hear any experiances or point me in the direction of any info PLEASE. I feel SO sad for DD. It seems all she evr gets is into trouble, our relationship is suffering and if there are things I can do to help her I so desperately want to know.
Thanks.
Louise

Jollypirate ~ having empathy for other children doesn't rule out AS. My dd can be very empathetic at times. Thing is like everything all children with or without these disorders are different. Eye contact for example is a biggy but I know children on the severe end of it who give it better than my dd on the "mild" end.

I think the thing with empathy is that we're often really bad at working out what someone's just said to us, who they are, what the right thing is to say back, what emotion they're feeling at the time if they don't say, and what our own body language is supposed to be doing. It's not that we don't care. If I'm concentrating on what someone says, and they say it clearly enough, I can help to support that person. I can also switch off from worrying about their needs very easily, though. So it's a bit of a myth that those of us with an ASD can't empathise/sympathise/help.

Thank you for that Blossomhill (great name btw ) and amber. I often feel as though I am floundering with DS's needs. Interestingly a few other people have said the same regarding empathy which, of course makes me look at DS again. Certainly his teacher says he is not good at "reading" other people's emotional cues.

tclanger - its really interesting what you say and how you put it.

My DS has minimal social problems, motor skills are fantastic in fact he was very early with this and was doing jigsaws and shape sorters very very early. He is physically able although I would say there is a hint of clumsiness and I think he's too young to tell if his ability to for example catch a ball will be "normal". He has lots of friends and is the sweetest thing imaginable with his baby sister, plays with her, sings to her, tries to calm her in the car etc. I'm not sure that socially he is wuite the same as other kids at school but its not so bad for anyone else to notice at all. So I always wonder if its me being over protective.

Anyway the main thing is definitely emotional immaturity, you have hit the nail on the head for sure. His report last year at school was great with very high scores for everything except regards to emotions.

Today has been dreadful. He has lost the plot big time over lots of tiny things. He was playing a computer game, went to the loo or something, went back and the screen saver had kicked in. He thought the game had gone and totally went into orbit.

Whether he's got problems or not I have no idea how to manage the outbursts. I have made some progress with DH though as he saw one of the outburts tonight (DS forgot that he wanted a new Mr Man book and only remembered after lights out and then went bonkers). I told DH the only way I can tolerate the behaviour is if I think there's a problem and that he can't help it. Does that make me terrible ? Anyway he saw what I meant and didn't dismiss it out of hand like he usually does.

I really dont know if DS has a real problem or if he is just hard work. The best way I can describe is that he's very intense, and always was.

jillMLD ~ once you have a label I think you definitely have a better understanding and can then meet other parents in the same boat (I have lots of friends whose children have similar dx to dd).
For me pre-dx and the is she/isn't she was far worse than getting a firm dx.

...and other typical behaviour is reading a post that says children need a label and we get to meet other parents in a boat, and they ask about what size of label and why parents need to meet in a boat and can they go in one too?