I've cried, gotten angry, and now I'm doubting myself

[justsohurt]

I have namechanged as I'm ashamed about this, if you recognise me please don't say.

Last night DP dropped a bombshell. Both his parents (seperated and don't talk to each other) have raised the issue on more than one occasion that DD's lack of language and possible ASD is my fault.

from his mum, who I trusted and have always found to be very supportive

'she did have post natal depression'
'Just look at how she runs the house, it does make you wonder'

from his dad, who is a bit of a loon really.

'there's no other explanation'
'how do we know what she does all day with the children?'

I can imagine very well how you must be feeling . My PIL (lovely, btw) were very puzzled about my ds's development and when my ds was around 12mths-2.5yrs old, I very much felt that they looked for reasons to incriminate me for his lack of speech, social communication, etc. They would make suggestions here and there (always quite delicately) but naturally, they really didn't understand that nothing made any difference to my ds!! To be fair to them, they did recognise (privately) that my ds had some kind of problem but they just assumed that it would straighten itself out...I knew better of course! I felt very raw when my ds was that age but I always always knew that his problems had nothing to do with how he had been parented. It could be that your DP's parents just need more time to get used to your dd but in the meantime, turn a deaf ear as best you can to any misplaced comments (not easy I know).

by the way my ds has just started at his chldminder (my first day back at work today ) and I must say when I saw the state of her house (toys everywhere and a real mess) I was reassured and at ease: kids welcome here