Any suggestions for a calmer start to the day?

[YeahBut]

Both dds are on the ADHD spectrum and ds is a pretty full on nearly three year old. Mornings are just frantic trying to get everyone up, dressed, eating breakfast and out through the door with coats and all the stuff they need for school. More often that not I end up screaming like a fishwife which I know achieves nothing.
I do get all the family's clothes ready the night before and try to make sure all bags are packed etc. However, the girls usually lose some item of clothing between the bedroom and breakfast table and something will have been taken out of the bag and lost. It's just not working atm and I need any ideas you might have to help!!!!

I used to have direct payments for help in the mornings. Had sn ds1, dd1 age 10yrs, new baby and ds2 age 1yr, helped greatly at the time, was 'another' pair of hands and dd1 responded better to their instructions than mine. It also helped me to stop shouting in vain! Dont have it at the moment as the carer left so mornings are hellish again getting everyone ready.

My ds1 has as and I have 3 yr old nt twins.
It helps that my dh has designated jobs eg he unloads the dishwasher and puts their cereal on the table before he leaves for work.
I've given up raising my voice - that has really helped!Whatever happens I just use a calm voice so now I worry less about what the neighbours think.
We have an immovable routine in terms of when and where ds1 does everything in the morning. This helps him and I just keep repeating stuff like' Daddy's left for work so it's uniform on.
They can all dress themselves, but if time is an issue I just say 'Mummy's turn' and do it myself - stuff the self help skills as Ds1 can't cope with being late.
I leave anything like clearing up if it means we'll be late.
I do a check at the front door with 10 minutes to spare - pe kit, hat, buttons done up and so on.
Good luck.

My children not on the spectrum but we have other problems.

I found things improved immensely when I started sticking to an extremely tight timetable, so everybody knows what they should be doing when:

7.30. First call. All they have to do is to answer me and demonstrate they are awake. (will carry on saying 'good morning' until they do)

7.45. Second call. I physically hand ds his school uniform. This is the sign that he needs to start getting dressed.

8.00-8.10. Check that ds has made it downstairs fully dressed. If not, will go up and stand over him until he does.

8.25. Tell ds to go and clean his teeth.

8.35. Tell him to put his shoes on.

Walk out through the door between 8.40 and 8.45.

In between I Mumsnet and try not to stress. I find running to a very strict timetable makes things more relaxed.

Why are they losing items? If they are dressed they shouldn't.
Pack bags night before and keep out of reach.Better still, put in the car.
Get up earlier and get up before them to have peaceful breakfast yourself.
Goes without saying that no tv in morning or only if jobs done.Mine allowed to watch a dvd if sitting ready,coats on and bag in hand.

I always put packed bags on a hook by the door so that DD can't go through and remove everything before we've got to school. DH gives them breakfast in pyjamas while I have my shower then I dress DD and DS, we clean teeth and out the door by 08.10. Admittedly I live in an appartment so it's easy enough to go from bed to kitchen and back to bedroom to dress. It also limits collateral damage with food spilled on clothes...

Maybe a backward step but could they get dressed downstairs so your can monitor the situation easier?

Put bags in car after packing them.

Start the morning 10 minutes earlier.

As with Cory when i was at home - have 2 DS foster sisters - we had a strict time slot and order for everything, as C has OCD & AS Tendencies and E is scatty/hyper

It made it much easier and smoother and they were often ready for the special bus with 10 minutes to spare for GMTV - E was an Eamon Holmes admirer, but if we started 5 minutes later then they were at least 5 minutes late getting all done weirdly and no GMTV so a meltdown point.

Try making up some picture checklists of what they need to do before school. Give a small reward (tokens or 10p for example) for getting out of the house in time and with a smile on their faces. Prepare as much as you can the night before so you haven't as much to do in the morning. Once the bags are packed, put them out of reach so that things can't be removed without you noticing.

Get up 15 mins earlier so you have a buffer if things go wrong. Give them choices with agreed sanctions for non-cooperation so you don't enter into arguments if they don't do as they told - just impose the sanction and have done with it. To begin with they'll rebel against you but in time they'll get it.

Try to be as calm as you can because anxiety feeds the ADHD symptoms and reduce make their ability to cooperate.

With two of them you could introduce a race to get ready quickest, with a reward at the end. Or have them get dressed/washed separately so they don't distract each other. My ds functions better if he'd given a job to do as he likes to feel useful. He's home edded now, but getting ready for school was easier if he had the chance of 10 mins tv or computer if he got ready in time - this is where the buffer time comes in handy, and you get to have a cuppa and sit down before you leave .