Sorry to moan on but feeling so down

[padua]

My ds has DCD and is currently under assessment for overlapping traits of either Aspergers or ADD. He started reception this Sept having had a good year at preschool where all they noticed was that he isolated himself in play and was uncoordinated. Now he is running out of class and hiding, refusing to sit for whole class carpet sessions and opting out of most activities. He has been on School Action Plus since June but school so far haven't produced an IEP. So infuriated was I with the lack of progress and deterioration in his behaviour I called a multi agency meeting last week. All agencies came and put forward their strategies. The class teacher rolled her eyes, giggled with her TA put barriers up to almost all suggestions saying she didn't have time to make a visual timetable, wasn't prepared to have a workstation and so on. Refusing to do anything basically until he gets full time support. (Which we all know won't happen unless she is seen to be doing something additional for him in the interim) The head was present and assured me this would be a management issue to put pressure on her to carry out the suggestions.
The class teacher is giving me the cold shoulder now, she put my son's name on the sad side of the board (a policy I don't agree with) for his behaviour yesterday. I don't want to take him to school anymore, I feel so desperate for him.

I feel desperate for him too, the poor lad. He's trying so hard to say how overwhelming and confusing they've made school for him, and they're busy giggling and playing at 'sending you to coventry?'. Plenty of people here who know what's what with getting schools to follow the law, but if they don't want it, it's like trying to sweep air into a pile or herding cats - impossible. Is there any chance of a change of schools to one that cares, I wonder?

That sounds awful padua. Not wonder you are feeling desperate.

I think if the head is saying it is a management issue then you have every right to go and pressure the head. I know it is a pain to keep badgering somebody but is he/she aware how the teacher is behaving and how your DS is marginalised by her? Perhaps you need to list all the things that you feel are wrong and tell the head, who won't know on a day to day basis how your son is being treated.

It is a big thing to change schools but maybe a change of teacher might be useful, if there is another one in that year. It has happened in DS's school and a positive spin was put on it so nobody feels it is a punishment (although in your case I think the teacher needs kick up the backside tbh).

The other schools in our local area are full. My dh says I have to give them time to try and make a difference. I looked into Steiner schools as we have one nearby but it is costly and I don't know if he could take a statement there.

Unfortunately Niecie his school is one form entry so he can't move to another class.

You poor souls. And never apologise for moaning on here, its fine.

Firstly the sad side of the board- wtf? Talk about destroying an chances of moving forwards! Make that a priority; not moving forwards is one thing, destroying self esteem will cause steps backwards!.

YOu need help with the teahcer. My instinct is that if Head were really working with her then teacher wouldn't have behaved with this lack of concern- i'd have exepcted a discipinary if I behaved like that!.

I would start by making a few calls- IPSEA are good, as are SOS!SEN. Chat to them, they will have experience.

Then think about applying for a statement yourself. List the teachers attitude with loads of eaxmples such as refusing to make alterations, the sad board. YOu might not get the statement but it will make the issue a LEA priority. make it their problem, not yours (have done this myself and did get a statement).

And if it were me I'd consider sneaking in and putting teacher's name on sad side of the board. FFS- stupid woman!

Hi Peachy, I know the sad side of the board is incredible isn't it?! In our multi agency meeting the day before we had all flagged up the need to raise his self esteem and that was her response.
I'm off to school in 15mins time to finally write the IEP. So anymore advice before I go?
Typically though my meeting is with the Senco and the CT isn't going to be present so she she won't have ownership of it and is going to feel like it is being imposed on her. Mind you I don't much care for her feelings anymore!

Rais the sad board at the meeting; it's seriously bad form imo.

Talk to the senco. Ask her advicre about the teacher. Make it clear you are worried. SECO will need to realise that barriers exist when she tries to sort the plans.

Do be wary though; we had ds1's IEP writing session without either senco (on adoption leave, not her fault- deputy there) or teacher (again on mat leave LOL)- and none of it was implemented until ds1 started causing major headaches.

If the head can't control his staff another option is to escalate to the board of governors. Specifically to the head of the board of governors and the SEN governor. SENCO should know who they are. Request a meeting with those two (head will probably insist to be present) and go through the attitude problems and ask them for suggestions: say that given the teacher's attitude so far you have no confidence that the IEP will be followed and want their help to make whatever changes are necessary to make this happen.

I'm not entirely sure what the review process in schools is - teaching unions are very strong - but teachers are supposed to be on performance related pay etc. now though again due to union pressure that doesn't mean in practice what it means in the outside world. However "performance" should in my mind include making an effort to follow school's policies as documented (there is a documented SEN policy, right? Again SENCO should be able to provide you with a written copy) & there should be some way of feeding this failing back into the review process. Something else to discuss with the governors - will the teacher's pay reflect these failings? I don't expect they will actually be able to penalise her but it should seriously upgrade the level of stern words that are had once the Head gets out of the meeting.

OK just had the meeting. I've got the IEP now. School have agreed to put some emergency cover in place. The Head has met with the CT and they are coaxing her gently towards carrying out the targets (what a prima donna!) I've tackled the "sad side" of the board issue and apparently it isn't a school policy so hopefully that won't happen again. The senco said my ds had been given responsibility for fetching and giving out the fruit today and he did it beautifully. Hooray! Thanks to all those who gave me advice this morning. It really helps you to feel focused and determined rather than sorry for yourself.
Cheers everyone.

I do have another tip though- its that old chestnut about friends close and enemies closer

no w dont get me wrong I can and have kicked off but always keep it issue based and specific; I make an effort to be friendly at other times and help out where I can- pta etc.

I didnt think it throuf=gh as a plan (just not v confrontational / aware that I have other kids so school ours until @ 2015 LOL unless we move

but you know? i've watched a much ore confrontational mum (admittedly with a lesser case as ds3 far more severe than her daughter) and she seems to have none of them on her side and indeed against her somewhat; whereas the head / senco etc will work with me now.

(not self congratulating- have often been far too reticent to maximise speed of dx's etc etc)

I agree. I haven't really made a fuss until this last fortnight. The head and senco thanked me for my patience so hopefully our relationship is in tact.

Yes definitely use diplomacy. I have had days with school where they have completely cocked up, but i bite my tongue, offer my advice and emphasise that we need to work together. I also remember when to tell them that they have done something well.

I have also seen a more confromtationl parent, with a boy with more severe needs than my DS who they have failed to help, because the parents wouldn't meet the school half way.

Good luck, and keep us informed.

My DS started school last year in a similar situation. Calm at preschool, but could not be kept in class once he started in reception. SA+ helped a little as he got a TA for 2 hours a day, but we now have a statement, and the now loves school.