What would you do??????

[mumgoingcrazy]

DD2 and I go to a sn therapy group each week. It's great to socialise with other sn mums and a couple of us now see eachother outside the group for coffee too.

One of the mums that I see outside the group ran a fundraiser for her son so he can have additional therapies such as hydrotherapy etc. She has invited us all along and also asked us to donate into her sons trust fund.

There are other children in our group with far more problems to deal with. Yes, her DC does need this therapy but so do the others. My DD2 doesn't need it particularly but I saw the surprise on the other mums faces when she asked too so know it's not just me thinking this is a bit much.

I like this mother, I really do but do I donate just to keep her friendship??? It might be better if this money raised went to help all the DC in the group who needed it maybe. I don't know. What do you all think? Am I being unreasonable?

Yes, I think it's a diplomatic nightmare by this mum. Lots of families struggle for the money for their own children, so why would she want them to give to her child in particular? It should be for the whole group if she's asking for money from that group (or part of it). Instead, she could have advised others on how to do the same for their children, perhaps?

Thats a hard one. You're not being unreasonable at all and I agree that it would be better if all of the children benefitted rather than just one. I wouldn't donate just to keep her freindship personally.

just say that you will doa ll you can to help raise money but you wanted to do similar thing for your dc and others and cannot afford to donate singualy [sp?]

just say it could be something you could all do as a group for all your dc to benefit as im sure she'd appreciate that you all obviously have dc with sn of some kind wether the same or not

i certaintly wouldnt donate to keep a friend if she doesnt want to know you for not donating then she's not the sort of person you want to socialise with

Thank you. I'm really stumped as to what to do. Bubblagirl, you are right if I lose her friendship because I didn't donate then it wasn't worth having. However, I do have to see her every week!

This mum is quite feisty and makes no secret that her DC is more important than anyone elses, but then I know a lot of NT mums like that too. There are much more severe cases in this group and this is my biggest problem I think. My DC is not one of them, I don't particulary feel she would benefit from these additional therapies but I know plenty of others who would.

I think it should be shared out between the kids who want it, or at least subsidise lots of children's therapy not just hers.

I really hate being put in this position.

You could always lie and say you have a prior commitment so can't go to the fundraiser - or fake sickness on the day. Plus say you are very sorry but at the moment you simply aren't in a position to donate but wish her lots of luck etc etc.

Dustystar, I think I might do that. Even if I didn't go to the fundraiser I would still have to donate anyway as we've been given bank details and address to send our cheques to etc etc.

I might just say we're not in a position to donate at the moment, and to be honest DH is facing redundancy at the moment so that wouldn't actually be a lie. We are really tightening our belts until we know for sure, so donating isn't really an option.

I could say that I'm waiting to see if DH's job is safe!

See, if she'd just invited you to an event if the type where normally one would bung in some cash (coffee morning or something grander like a ball) I could see I might feel obliged to chuck in a fiver if I attended

But to hand out bank details to other famillies in a sn group is frankly taking the piss and I ould be deeply shocked.

Dont get me wrong, I admire her for the fundraising and don't think she's obliged to share it- if she raises it LO gets it- but expecting others in a similar or worse condition to donate if bizarre at est.

I remember ds3's bibic costs- don't even gret me started on that nightmare- anyway I thought about a school fundraiser then decided we couldnt really ask.

I too go to a sn group & i wouldnt dream of asking other Mums in the group who are in similar position to myself to donate towards my ds's therapy. I think she is being unfair asking you to do this. Either make it a fundraiser for the whole group or keep the group out of it & ask family & other friends to donate. I wouldnt lie though I'd just be up front and say I'm sorry I'n not in a position to give you any money just now. Good Luck!

Thank you, yes I think I'll just say we're not in a position to donate. She knows about DH's job so she should understand.

I agree re not asking the group, we should have been kept out of it unless it was for all who wanted it.

Oh dear.

Raising money for one's child is one thing, asking people whose need is greater to donate to that fundraiser is quite another. The woman is being insensitive at the very least.

If it was me, I would be inclined to say something like, "you know, there are so many children in the group that have a lot of needs, wouldn't it be lovely if we could have a fundraiser for all of them? And the more children we were raising for, the biigger we could make the fundraiser, and maybe we could get some publicity from the local press/radio stations etc..." talk it up into a bigger event if more children are involved... just a thought.

id go with wannabes suggestion, that way all of the kids could benefit, and you as a group could organise something more productive than asking for checks, (fun runs, coffee mornings, ect) my cousin and her kids(one of whom is cp and in wheelchair) did the great northen run and raised a lot for charities, they had a great time doing it too.bag packing days at supermarkets are another idea???

Thank you for all your suggestions. There is an organisation that raises money for our group but it's mainly for new equipment and toys, as they do lend them out to us. Maybe, I could suggest to them that some of the money raised could be put towards other therapies.

These are great fundraising ideas and I'll definately pass them on.

I think re my friend I'll be passing on making a donation to just her as we can't afford it anyway and at the end of the day I do think she's got a nerve!