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Original poster

Grandchildren! Do you think your children will have children?

27 replies

hecate · 26/11/2008 12:27

I have just been talking about my broodiness on another thread, and M mentioned grandchildren. To my great shame I have always assumed mine (autistic) will not have them. I wonder now if that is in some way bigoted of me. I feel challenged (in a good way!) about my attitude. What do you think?

OP posts:
cyberseraphim · 26/11/2008 12:33

My mother thought my brother (HFA) would never marry or have children - but he has a wife and one child now. I don't know if my DS (ASD) will be HFA enough to follow in his footsteps - I have DS2 (NT) but who knows if he will children either. It's all unknown.

Original poster
hecate · 26/11/2008 12:36

It is. But it is wrong of me to have excluded the possibility just because they have autism, isn't it? this is good actually. I need to open up their future in my mind, iyswim.

OP posts:
cory · 26/11/2008 12:49

Mine not autistic so different matter. She will need to see a geneticist first and make her mind up with the knowledge that there is a 50% chance (I think) of passing on her condition. Also that pregnancy can be difficult. But none of this probably unsurpassable. Depends on how bad she feels about her disability actually and how well she would cope with seeing her own child in pain. But I wouldn't imagine that will put her off.

cyberseraphim · 26/11/2008 12:50

I think if an ASD person decides to marry - it's going to be tough to stop them !

Original poster
hecate · 26/11/2008 12:52

cyber. how very true!

what is her condition cory, if i may ask?

OP posts:
cory · 26/11/2008 13:41

Joint Hypermobility Syndrome (possibly Ehlers Danlos 3).

TopBitch · 26/11/2008 13:56

I'm really not sure......... If she can find a lovely, caring man, then good for her. I am fairly sure though that she won't be abble to manage on her own.

She talks about what she's going to name "her children" all the time though and there's no talking her out of it. Her daughters will be Isabel, Jessica, Jacqueline, Katie, Sara, Chloe, Heidi, and Emily (no boys) LOL

Tclanger · 26/11/2008 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 26/11/2008 15:56

DS1 won't.

magso · 26/11/2008 16:13

I had assumed Ds would not - I anticipate him needing caring for as an adult even once we are gone- but never say never!

TopBitch · 26/11/2008 16:53

We assume a lot of things, I agree though, never say never!

Optimism helps sometimes.

Marne · 26/11/2008 17:15

Sorry hecate, i hope i didn't upset you by talking about grand children. I suposse i havn't realy thought about it, dd1 has AS and Dd2 has ASD, i would like to think that one day they will have there own children but i suposse there is a huge chance that they won't.

There are mums on here who have AS or ASD (Amber being one of them) who have children, i believe dh and i are both on the spectrum and i think we manage well with the dd's.

I hope one day i will have grand children

TotalChaos · 26/11/2008 17:30

Don't really know if that's a possibility at this stage. Like Tclang, I don't know what (if anything) I'ld say about possible genetic issues.

mabanana · 26/11/2008 18:08

I hope ds does - he has Aspergers. Lots of Asperger men do have relationships and kids. I hope we will help him develop good social skills, he's bright and he absolutely adores babies and likes people generally. He says he wants children (he's only 7) so I hope he does.

2shoes · 26/11/2008 18:19

well dd won't
I hope she gets to have sex. but babies will not happen.

Original poster
hecate · 26/11/2008 18:30

oh certainly you didn't upset me, marne! your comment, while just a lighthearted thing and not meant as any great statement! made me think and therefore challenge myself, which is a really GREAT thing and I thank you!

OP posts:
Marne · 27/11/2008 11:38

, there are so many things i worry about that we may face in the future, will the dd's live with us forever?, will they find partners? Will people take advantage of them? What jobs will they have? etc...etc...
I suposse i had never realy thought that much about 'will they have children?', i suposse what will be will be and we just need to take each day as it comes. At the momment my main worry is 'will dd2 ever speek?'

PeachyAndTheSucklingBas · 27/11/2008 11:42

DS3- not a chance, not even on his radar IO think ( but only for me, he doesn't seem to care about that sort of thing)

DS1- ah. I would say unlikely, I can't imagine him holding down a reationship but I pray he will as he adores children and is good with them, I could see not having them being a source of pain for him.

FioFio · 27/11/2008 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TinySocks · 27/11/2008 11:51

I hope DS will find someone to love and that will love him back, I hope he will have a fulfilling life and find happiness. But if he doesn't have children it's not the end of the world for me.

bullet123 · 27/11/2008 12:01

At this stage I can't see it happening with Ds1. I'll have a clearer idea in a few years time. And he may not want to of course anyway.

misscutandstick · 27/11/2008 12:36

DS1 is a lovely person, and understands that if he has a son he will likely be ADHD too, but is willing (at this point!) to have a family.

DS5 is has GDD, autism and in all likely hood fragile X (no firm Dx yet) and will be unlikely to make a supportive husband or father.

A family friend has AS, and has been married for 10yrs and are expecting their first baby mid january. BUT i do stress that she is the backbone of the family to be, but loves him dearly the way he is including his quirks and foibles.

sphil · 27/11/2008 23:03

Really can't see it with DS2, though I would love him to be able to live with someone who loves him (perhaps in a supported setting).

DS1 has a 'girlfriend' and they (well she I think) have planned wedding, children, everything. They're also going to travel around India in a camper van saving animals from hunters and park it on our drive when they come home . They were bouncing on the trampoline once and had this conversation:
Friend: me and DS1 have only ever had one argument
Me: Oh yes?
Friend: It's about what we're going to call our children. I want to call a boy Stephen
DS1: And I want to call him Binbag.

On a serious note, I do sometimes wonder whether DS1 (who i think will probably have children) will have autistic children.
Given that he has traits and an autistic brother.

paranoid2 · 27/11/2008 23:37

I know I shouldnt find this thread sad but I do .Its not just the having children but having the relationship in the first place to have children. Dt2(7) has ADhd and possibly more and I cant imagine him having children although he talks about it.
I was getting his medication today at the pharmacy and the pharmacist whoI had never met before asked me how he was getting on and the nature of his problem. I was surprised and then she said her Ds was the same age and she noted that they had the same birthday which probably triggered the interest. I dont know why it upset me, probably just the knowledge that someone other than me was doing a comparison and coming out the right end although I should be used to that with Dt1. It just triggered thoughts like the Op's all day. Silly I Know

sphil · 28/11/2008 14:45

Not silly at all. Different things get to me all the time - like tiny tiny child walking past me on the way to school yesterday, saying 'Mummy mummy' followed by a stream of gibberish. She was so determined to communicate, even though she wasn't really getting her meaning across . And I just thought - DS2 has quite a few words now, but he has NEVER directly addressed me in that way. Yet I am surrounded all the time by the other children in DS2's mainstream class and it doesn't bother me at all!