I've ranted about this before so please forgive me but I just HATE it when I'm given "helpful" advice ...

[emkana]

... like this:

"It's really important to talk to your child a lot you know"

regarding ds who is 2.5 and has speech delay.

Fuck me, why didn't I think of that before ey? Oh hang on how come my two dd's didn't have any problems then if I'm so rubbish at this?

Should have said 'yeah I know, but its difficult since I put him to live alone in the shed. He has the local wildlife to talk to though'
WTF? Was it a professional who said this or some ignorant well meaning acquaintance?
Either way, I despair. I really do.

well put fbb

emkana don't let them drain your energy

people usually mean well, and like to have a quick fix idea - just a shame they don't just nod and smile if they don't have a fecking clue. I've had my share of advice, pointless anecdotes, platitudes and hints that I'm just being neurotic. All part of the joy ey

btw - what do you think of Hanen?

I'm enjoying the Hanen, it's made me much more aware of how I'm talking to ds. We were vidoed on Thursday and the feedback was good. Am not as good as I'd like to be at incorporating it into my daily routine with ds, but will keep at it.

my mother went through a phase when she was hinting very strongly that dd's situation would be totally different if we only moved back to my old country. Oh yeah, because genetics work differently there?

I think a lot of that was because she found it difficult to cope with the fact that dd's condition is inherited from her family

we get that 'have you tried mumbo-jumbo? We knew a child like your dd who leapt from her wheelchair ad started doing cartwheels'
On further questioning they started off with a slight limp or something.
And there's always 'you should take her to the Peto institute, they cure CP you know'

No they don't, they don't take kids as severe as dd and anyway, I haven't got several thousand pounds lying about.
sheesh.

I have a friend I see very rarely since we began to notice that DS (5, severely autistic) had special needs. I saw her again today and I left nearly SCREAMING with frustration. If I try and tell her about DS's complete disinterest in other children I get "Oh, all children are a bit shy sometimes." When I tried to tell her that we were hoping Makaton might help him to understand concepts like "Where", "which one", "give me" etc she said "Oh, all children have trouble picking up language." Apparently all children have a habit of bolting into shops and through staff doors and hiding in stockrooms, they're all terrified of hoovers, they all refuse every kind of snack food except dry wholemeal bread....

Except, NO THEY DON'T!!! And that was just today, she's always reacted like that when I try to talk about life with DS, to the point where I can't bear to see her. If she's trying to make me feel better she's being desperately patronising about it - like I haven't NOTICED that DS is at a special school and still wearing nappies and speaks in single words that can't be understood by people who don't know him and slams doors obsessively, or I might be fooled into thinking that all children are doing the exact same thing! I just hadn't noticed until she pointed it out! All that loneliness and dispair and misery over our lives being so different to those of our friends - for nothing! Stupid me.

Sorry to hijack - just had to get that out, I had a maddening and stressful afernoon. GAAAHHHHH!

There is a new lady working in DS's nursery (DS is 3.9 has GDD, very delayed language and everything else). She is nice and I'm sure she means well, but when I went to pick DS up the other day she said to me "Do you read to him?"

To which I answered: "ARE YOU JOKING?" GRRRRRR, people just have no clue at all the amount of work we've put in to help him. It makes my blood boil.

Yep - if ds speech had improved everytime this was said to me he would be a verbal genious by now!!(Ds 9, has autism). Those unhelpful comments do seem to thin out as sn children get older.

'Do you take him to toddler groups?'

'YES I WOULD BE AT TODDLER GROUP RIGHT NOW IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO COME TO SO MANY USELESS APPOINTMENTS'

amazing how toddler groups are the official cure for anything from PND to language delay to ASD isn't it?

One of the transport escorts at DD2s school wound me up on Friday - we were hanging the coats up and she said "Good morning XXXXX" to her. DD2 just looked at her (she has no speech at all) - the escort then said with a big sigh "Oh I keep trying but she just won't say hello to me or even give me a smile".

I replied calmly "well she can't talk at all so don't hold your breath for a hello, and why would she smile at you when she has no idea who you are?"

Fuckwit.

I had a friend like that - kept trying to force ds to say 'please' and call her 'aunty'. She was on to a non-starter since he was practically non-verbal at the time. Unfortunately now he can talk more and occasionally answers her it's like she's made some kind of major break-through and 'cured' him.