OK...we all know about REWARD CHARTS.... I am so tempted to do a PUNISHMENT CHART!!!!!

[MUM23ASD]

DS3 really is driving me insane with his combination of screaming/bouncing/hitting/biting/throwing EVERTIME ANYTHING or ANYONE annoy him.

Am aware that a 'positive' star chart would be to reward him everytime he CONTROLS himself..... but am getting nowhere with that method.

he is a very visual learner- so just sat here...thinking.... and realised that i think BEFORE i can get him to modify his behaviour... he needs to see how UNACCEPTABLE it is.

he loves going to help DH at skittles on fridays...he gets to sit on pub stools at the bar and drink bottles of J2O...and often gets rewarded for his help rolling the balls back up to the players with a couple of pounds.

last week i flatly REFUSED to let him go...he had pushed me too far. but i then had to occupy him whilst DH went merrily out the house.

what i am wondering is if i drew up a TRAFFIC LIGHT with a chart alongside- with say room for 20 stickers for green light- which would be for him trying to control himself- using strategies that school/home share- as a positive incentive.... but also another 20 sickers for the 'amber' light- 'warning him he is behaving in an inappropriate way'... and then just 10 'red light' stickers...for the bit when all the orange is complete and MY volcano is about to explode- and that would have a NO SKITTLES outcome... i could do a symbol of a skittle crossed out....

just feels wron to be focussing on his negative behaviour- but feel that sometimes he needs to 'see' what he's doing to 'understand'....and whilst rewarding him- he can also see the cosequence of negative behaviour?

Actually...could actually have 'fun' with this chart... could do a 'skittle alley' and he gets skittles added everytime he behaves badly...and gets to knock them down when he does good- so in theory if he screamed etc 10 times...he'd get 10 skittles... then if he did 10 'good efforts' he'd get to knock down/cross out 10... (laminated...velcro....!!!!)

Wheel... I once heard a Cerebra lady giving a talk which was sort of describing something similar for getting a handle on hard-to-control behaviours.

The example was a kid who found it very hard to sit down at the table for a meal. He had a compulsion to get up and walk about. Her solution was to give him a pile of "smiley faces" (that says "laminator" to me! lol). At the end of the meal, as long as he still held one smiley face he would get his reinforcer (food treat, 1/2 hour playstation, whatever). So say he starts out with eg 20 smiley faces: enough that it is easy for him to get to the end of the meal and still have smileys. You then take one smiley away at a time over a period of weeks. Soon he has to start making decisions - should he "spend" this smiley yet? Or hold on till later in the meal when he may need them more? Gradually he has to exercise more and more control over the behaviour to get the reinforcer. However, he still has the option that if things get really bad he can spend a smiley and leave the table. Eventually you reach a point where you've got 5 or 2 or whatever and it's not going to get any better: it's not realistic to expect him to make it all the way through a meal without leaving the table a couple of times. So he always uses 2 smileys - but it's down to 2 from 20 and he's doing pretty well.

Gosh that was waffly. ops: Sorry. I thought it was very interesting at the time - maybe loses a bit in translation! But was thinking that it's actually quite similar to your example. If he has skittles at the end of the week, he gets skittles. I don't think that's "negative" as such.

thanks- that is EXACTLY what I needed! Its just feels i am going against the grain so to speak- as every bit of parenting advice frowns on anything but rewarding...and is against ever 'taking away' from a child.... but i just feel that sometimes...maybe it's an AS thing.... i have to be cruel!

so i can now picture ds3 with say 20 laminated/velcro skittles in a pot- EVERY DAY..... so he keeps them ALL if he is 'good'....i take them away if he 'behaves inappropriately'..1 by 1...using my discretion (he would understand for example- a 'thumbs down' signal from me to warn him he's about to lose a skittle....so giving him the opertunity to 'choose correctly!'....then at bedtime i will write in permanent marker (so he cannot 'adjust' the scores!)...his 'total of remaining skittles'....

its just been getting so hard...every moment- every request...every task...everything- is an issue at the moment- i feel sick most of the time- just dreading his reaction.
its all so trivial too...each individual incident...its just all rolled up into one over the day makes me feel so useless...feeling i have lost control/boundaries....and thats spiraling everything downwards. He needs boundaries etc- and the more it goes on like it is the harder it gets....

i've noticed alot of hand flapping recently- and that always increases when his coping goes downhill.

(by the way his scream is like a high pitched chimpanzee...."EEEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEEE" or a a screaching "Grrrrrrrrrrrr" -so if i can reduce how often this happens...bliss!)