Does anyone else find it hard to buy presnets for their child with additional needs?

[Thomcat]

I just struggle with DD1. I know all she'll really end up being into is the new DVDs.

Whereas DD2 I can think of a million things she'll be into.

Makes me a bit sad in a way.

DD1 is into her own little imagination games, pretending to nurse Aslan back to life, fighting the dragon, talking to the Tin-man, marrying a prince etc, or her etch-a-sketch or watching DVDs. And that's pretty much it.

Finding things to buy her that will get used is getting harder and harder.

Anyone find it hard?
Actually I know the answer to that, lots of you will find it hard I'm sure.

Dressing up clothes?

I have bought d2 a selection of hats (builders hat, police hat etc..)

Yeah we have a large dressing up bag. She asks me to dress her up now and then and keeps it on for about 2 minutes! I bought a gog and a cat tabbard last Xmas so she could realkly get into her favourite game at that time which was pretending to be dog/cat. It does get used but stays on for such a short time. Either that or she brings it in at 8am and wants it on over her uniform and refuses to take it off again!

I already do and DS only 5 months old. Worse is the fact that other people (hugely in denial) want to buy him toys and think I'm being a misery when I say no. I am grateful but I don't want them to waste their money. HE CANNOT PLAY WITH TOYS YET!
MIL left a message on our answring machine the other day wondering if we had bought him a walker and if we hadn't, could she. Not a walker you sit in, but one of those little trays that hold blocks that you push around. He is 5 months old. It's not an appropriate toy for any child that age, but for a severely brain damaged child who is unlikely to ever walk....? I ask you!
Haven't made myself respond yet, as I know she truly is being kind and hopefull and wants to encourage DS, but a walker???????

Yes, with ds3

We found last year that if we bought things for a child 2 years younger it worked better but it made us sob to do it (difference was between a schoolkid and toddler after all).

He likes to point out stuff in shops that matches what he has not what he likes iyswim.

This year we've made fairly wild stabs at ideas- he loves bubbles so a bubble machine for the bath; he likes the toys from the Cars film so we're gettng one but last year he was desperate fr a Rory and ignored it, and I suspect myself that the cars is a random repeat of that. Dh bought him lego but I thik that will get a non response too (had to be dulo or else ds3 will put in his mouth).

Night garden stuff is on the list as he likes it: a spin and see hame as he will just keep pressing it like a spinning top I think.

DS1 is a bit easier as he is rather acquisitive but I find he is demanding far too many things and we can't get them all but I just know Chrsitmas for him will be ruined by the absence of even one- but the demand is constant, 2 new things a day, and simply impossible.

fellingabitbetter, if its got good alrge blovks consider allowing her to get it- In know the walker may be useless but baies quite like to mouth cubes because of the corners and they like the rbight colours and if you build them up and smash them down he might like that as well.

Adapt the gifts you get to the child ime. The wagon will be useful as storage.

Not for Gabe sadly. Still very tactile defensive (though improving) and will not pick up or even touch a toy without me forcing him to. He has a quite extreme startle reflex so loud noises frighten him and we have such massive concerns with his vision that I could juggle fire and he wouldn't even notice. There is a small hint and some hope that that is improving too I will probably let her buy it anyway as its not easy reminding her all the time about his problems without appearing to be mean. I know she means well.

Meaning is everything. Also, Christmas for babies is a time to get everything for the next whole year. I know Gabe's future is very uncertain and nobody knows what will happen, but even if he remains severely visually impaired he may well be mouthing objects after that year has passed, or during. Certainly worth a hope anyway .

It's hard when they don't respond- I remember being scared witless when BIBIC let off a full klaxon (they ahd to warn people in the gardens it was so noisy) next to Harry and he didn't respond.

Christmas is going to be ahrd for you as well as a celebration isn't it? . Remember we're not far away if you want a cry (and I can leave ds4 home if a NT baby is too much atm- I loathe spending time with nt 5 year olds so quite understand that!).

BTW did you ever get the BIBIC stuff? Just I can imagine a lot of their stuff helping with a baby who is tactile defensive.

Would she like this
no artistic ability needed and you can use them over and over again
or

cinderella aquadraw

Would you like to buy her something sort of practical like pink fairylights or sparkly pretty clothes? That way at least you benefit...

Also feeling, I hink five month old NT babies don't really play with toys and of course don't understand Christmas at all. I know it is different as your baby has an uncertain outlook but I think for a baby so young cute outfits or something for his room is a good present.

We are very hopeful . And I can see from my posts that I do sound a bit defeatist about it all, but I'm not really. Its just hard when so many people want to buy stuff for him and I'd love to be able to say 'no, not that but this would be great'. At the moment we are buying him lots of soft things (likes to touch these) and he is qiute partial to a rattle too!
we are waiting for a visit from portage (soon I hope) so I'm hoping they'll give us some ideas.
I'm really looking forward to Christmas, the one thing we are certain he can see is light so I hope he'll be impressed with my efforts with the tree!
Some other kind MNers have recommended a sensory stocking from fledglings so we are having a look at that. And Santa has already brought Gabe a jumparoo which he loves!

feelingbitbetter - if he can see lights how about suggesting a lava lamp to someone as a gift?

Mabanana - those are lovely suggestiuons. We've tried the colouring tomy things, she's had them in the past and she has an aquadraw mat, not the cinderella one though admittedly, but she's not interested in coluring in, just mark making with her etch-a-sketch. DD2 on the other hand would bust a git for the cinderella aqua draw mat.

I have bought DD1 stuff, but it's getting harder and harder to think of things for people to buy when they ask. Books and DVDs galore coming our way which is no bad thing but just a bit of a shame that anything other than that won't get played with.

Yes, we have asked for clothes mabanana (PIL buy him something every week so they don't think they count as a present) and to be honest, he already has too much stuff because of his difficult start in life. Perhaps that's why we are struggling for things to buy. People have been so generous. Thomcat We have already used some money given to use for lamps. He has 2 lava lamps, one of those thingies that look like they are full of electricity that you touch, a bubbly tube type lamp and his big favourite, a shadow ceiling lamp which shines a kaleidoscope effect on the ceiling above his cot. This was something he has really responded to over the weeks and months and made us certain that he is a bit more visually aware. It was about £40 from argos and I can thoroughly recommend it if anyone has a child with a light fascination. I love it too, its very relaxing.

I know - my ds has Aspergers and never played with anything until really recently. Had a room full of stuff he didn't touch while my younger dd would also go mad for a Cinderella Aquadraw! My ds is now seven and has only just learned to ride one of those little kids's scooters! Has your dd got a scooter? Would she use one? Or a kids digital camera?
I have a very small family so it wasn't such a problem. It sounds trickier for you as you clearly have lots of lovely friends and family dying to buy gifts! I understand totally as ds is hard to buy for and dd is just so into stuff, but it doesn't matter though if they don't have lots of toys. When tehy are teenagers all they want is money anyway

You dodnt sound defeatist, you sound heartbroken whoch I dont think is a surprise.

Should you ever decide to do anything more along the line of a sensory room let us know, Dh has a business sourcing stuff for DJ light effects and I know he will help (and of course not charge) if he can.

We've gone for stuff that we knew both kids could share (even with a 3 year age gap!!). They both love Thomas / Brio, even though they play with them in quite different ways, so we've asked for some more Gordon and Henry, as we've already got James, Thomas, etc. I've asked my family for Teletubbies DVDs because even though they haven't seen DD for two years (they live in US) they UNDERSTAND that it's the right language level for her. I've asked DH's family to contribute to some pretty furniture for the kids' bedroom as we're trying to make it nice for them. DD is very visually aware and so loved picking out the colour for the walls and selecting the rug for the floor. However, I know how heartbreaking it can be. DD will still go into a toy shop and play with all the 6 mo plus toys that just make a noise. Well meaning people will get her age-appropriate stuff and it just won't be used.
Feelingbitbetter, > as I think you are going through a tough time at the moment.

yes. dd has severe CP so can't use her hands or arms or sit up. How can she play? She seems to like pink girly things like other 4 yos (the pink girly part of the brain never gets damaged...) but I'm at a loss.

something pretty to wear? A costume of some kind? So hard for you nmc. can she communicate yes and no well? Could you play a game with her where you take both turns but you move the pieces and roll the dice but she can pick her colour and so win? Books to read to her??

I find it hard and really have to try and think outof the box. I find it hard when people ask what to buy....I struggle myself. this year Im getting ds a bath spa mat and a sensory stocking from fledglings and also a collection of books from the book club- bright pictures and an audio CD for each book.

Really makes me sad that ds wont be able to open them or get excited or anything- i see my friends 3 year old talking about christmas and santa and Id be lying if I said i didnt find it really hard.

fbb I appreciate you want to let PIL do their thing because they mean well, but if it sets you off every time you see the thing sitting in a corner of the room don't do it.

I remember when we still thought Nathan was visually impaired I kept thinking of this beautiful blanket I had knitted which has a kite on it with a long tail. I thought he would never see it and it made me so upset. And when we did not know what would happen to him at al I could not get the image of the folded pushchair in the corner of the room out of my mind, so scared we would never use it.

Talking of blankets, NMC does your dd like soft stuff? My local market sells fleece blankets with disney princesses and stuff on it, about a tenner. Maybe one for Gabe too with cars or something suitably masculine fbb?

Not sure if this is appropriate present for anyone on this thread but I'll post just in case since it was our biggest success ever with Ds2. It's called a swing car. The idea is that you put your feet up and wiggle the wheel and that makes it move along on a flat surface. HOWEVER Ds2 cannot do this, he just sits on it and scoots around the hall and living room pushing along with his feet. We got it for him because he was forever trying to squeeze himself into those little tikes cars and tiny ride-ons etc that are meant for toddlers and he's 7 now. He plays on it everyday and pretends it's a jeep/car/boat/aeroplane whatever. Anyway I know it probably isn't suitable for lots of your children on this thread, but I'll post it in case it helps anyone; equally I will follow this thread in case anyone has a good idea for Ds2 this year as I am struggling!

Actually Thomcat, I don't know if your DD1 likes computer games? For Ds2's birthday, we got a screen thing that you hang over the computer screen to convert it into a touchscreen - this sort of thing. Ds2 likes to do some of the preschool CD-roms like the Tweenies etc. I just thought it might make a change from the dvds themselves? Ds2 has poor motor skills but is managing to use it with some success.

i buy toys three yrs younger mainly from special needs catalogues like yellow door, rompa,spacekraft, active learning.
primariyl things that help with speech therapy play therapy and occ.therapy. or you could ask for cash from other familiy members towards therapies for your child if you do any, which i do.also an ikea swing[indoor]trampoline, etc.,