I need some help with my 6 year old son, very sad. PDD/Aspergers?/ADHD?/Poss Bipolar

[mumhadenough]

I need some help with my six year old son.
He has pervasive development disorder (not otherwise specified) and is currently awaiting assessment for aspergers/adhd and now possibly bipolar disorder.

He is very very low at the moment. We?ve had some discussions over the weekend where he?s told me he hates himself, he wishes he wasn?t born/was dead and that he is the most horrible person alive. His self esteem has always been very low, which we try to counteract with lots of praise etc, but this was a whole new low. He tells me sometimes he wants to hurt people/kill someone. He?s been carrying out minor acts of vandalism, nothing serious, but stuff that could become serious if not nipped in the bud. We?ve been dealing with this, but he has excessive guilt and keeps going on and on about them. My boss is a psychiatrist and she reckons he is doing this as a form of self harm, where he is trying to get me to punish him.

Anyway, I?ve contacted his psychiatrist from the local child development centre and am currently waiting on a phone call back to tell me what to do with him and get him seen asap. I spoke to her yesterday as he is currently awaiting a CAMHS appointment and she?s trying to get this brought forward asap. She's given me some advice in keeping him calm/safe in the meantime.

The stuff above has all calmed down since Sunday thankfully. The main problem I?m having at the moment with him is that he has become very very very clingy. He has never been like this in his life. In fact I used to get offended that he would go with anyone without a second look back at me. I want him to feel better, I want him to go and do nice things but he has just no enthusiasm. He also doesn?t want to leave my side.

My brother and sister, whom he is very close to have been trying to get him to come to the park/golf/fireworks displays/theme park over the past few weeks and he is refusing to go. He also refuses to even go visit his cousins, who he loves. It is my sister?s birthday this weekend and she wants him to go to the zoo with her. He told her last night he ?needs some time to think over such things? but then told me later he doesn?t want to go unless I go with him.

I really need him to see he can still have fun without me and that nothing is going to happen to him if he does go. Does anyone have any tips for me? Life is so hard for my wee guy right now that I need him to see there is some sunshine out there and that nothing?s going to go bad for him.

He is also refusing to go out to play, totally not like him as he loves going out on his bike/trampoline. Its as if he has become reclusive too.

I?m almost at my wits end, not because of him, just because I?m worrying so much for him.

I can't believe things have gone this bad! We've had bugger all support and I went right through them yesterday about this. Hopefully they're going to sit up and bloody listen to me now.

Thanks in advance for your advice.

I'm sorry, I have no idea why my apostrophes have turned to question marks in that!!!!

a friend went through this with her ds (who is 7) last year. CAMHS assessment and he had a term of play therapy with a counsellor which succeeded in raising his self esteem and reducing the suicidal/ violent symptoms. in his case it was almost certainly triggered by his class teacher dealing with his other issues totally inappropriately. do you have a good handle on how school are treating him and his pdd for example? (in her case ds was treated as lazy and kept in at breaktime to finish work etc, despite dx and paed reports to senco)
for her, it helped enormously to understand that he needed to feel safe/ secure and not questioned/ pushed when he was with her - a 'safe' space where he could regress a bit and both physical and mental support when he needed it. there is some good info about children and suicide/ depression on the adhd websites.
really tough for you - hope they can bring forward your CAMHS assessment and get you both some support xx

just wanted to reiterate - he doesn't need to understand he can have fun without you just now - he needs to know his mum is absolutely right by his side if he needs her, whether anyone else is there or not. not criticising btw - just letting you know that it is ok for him to regress whilst he is feeling so low and vulnerable - hopefully with some decent counselling he will be back to having fun without you soon enough - but right now he needs his mum, not for you to be pushing him away and forcing him to do stuff without you - sorry, not meaning to be harsh, but not sure how else to put it.

Message withdrawn

Thank you guys, yes I will keep him close. Hadn't thought that he might see I was pushing him away. Not offended, I know what you mean and you're right. If he wants to go he can go, if not then I won't try and make him. Its soooooooooooo hard to know if you are doing/saying the right thing and just takes another to point it out sometimes .

We've just discovered that the school are being fabulous with him. I didn't know this because they didn't tell me the extent of the work they are doing with him. Lack of communication as usual.

At parents night on Wednesday night we saw the network support teacher that he's been seeing and she should us his stage 3 intervention plan and all its targets. She is working with him on his social skills (or rather lack of), his horrendous handwriting (which has improved no end this week), his self esteem, his gross motor skills (again, lack of) and his organisations skills (ditto). His class teacher understands his problems and works well with the head and support teachers to help him.

He has his own wee desk at the front of the class (at his request) away from the others so he can concentrate. She told me she has given him a wee screen that he can put up when he wants to, if he feels the need to distance himself from everyone. He tells me he uses this when the "chitter chatter" gets too much (he has sensory perception issues too). She has also given him a small wipe clean list of things that he needs to remember and tasks he needs to do, ie remember book bag, coat, shoes etc. (he loves lists).

She sounds as if she knows what she's doing with him and the network support teacher has him totally sussed. Thank God this has all been put in place, I spent months so uptight about it all and they didn't seem to be listening. Little did I know they'd actually done it all and hadn't bothered their arses to tell me. I have again requested a "communication diary" so I know what the hells going on.

Now I just need to sort out the support for home!

showed us not should us

that sounds fabulous - school really sound on the ball. he sounds very similar to my friend's ds (adhd but not oppositional defiant - hence school refusing initially to listen to paed - clearly he wasn't adhd because he wasn't disruptive... lots of dyspraxic tendencies and a few other issues)

school doesn't sound like a trigger then - unless other kids an issue? are they keeping an eye on him at play/ lunch? any other kids making an issue out of him getting extra help? having his own desk?

sometimes a fiddle box or a piece of blu tack can help concentration too - maybe not so obvious as a screen?

maybe ask him if he would like to go to the zoo if you come too? no pressure

fingers crossed for CAMHS xx

Hi Romy,

He doesn't care about the screen thing, he's totally oblivious to what other kids think of him, can't read social cues etc.

I think most of the kids in his school find him a bit overwhelming, as its his way or no way and he's very "in your face", although he does seem to be very popular (he's the class clown too)as he is funny and a bit mad. lol.

I know certainly the P6/7's all know who he is, they all give him a high five on the way into school in the morning and are always saying "hi" to him outwith school. It mortifies me lol. They're always like "Alright wee man", it just seems as if EVERYONE knows who he is. But it worries me cos he seems cool because he's "a bit mad" iykwim.

He has been having some probs with an older kid in p3, but I've hopefully sorted this out. His classmates all seem to really like him though, especially the girls! (Well going by the amount of love letters he receives anyway!).

Will talk to him about the zoo tonight.

lol at the love letters - that should help his self esteem anyway! hope things aren't too fraught waiting for CAMHS x

You would think so Romy wouldn't you! Unfortunately he just says "who would like ugly old me"!

Have just this minute had a phone call from his psych, the Consultant Psych from the CAMHS team will see him at 9.30am on Thursday!

Just shows you what they can do when they pull their finger out doesn't it!!!

Hi mumhadenough,
Your post brought tears to my eyes -partly for your ds and partly because my dd (7) is going through similar emotions ATM.
It is just totally heartbreaking when I hear her talk about wanting to die
She has SPD and anxiety/OCD, but her school are totally crap so we are looking into Home Ed.

I am so pleased that your ds' school are on the ball. Good luck on Thursday -hope he gets all of the help he needs.

Mumhadenough

I hope CAMHS come through for you as well.

I would also ask your GP for a referral to a developmental paed if you have not already done so. These people can diagnose.

Regarding his educational needs I would seriously look into applying for a Statement of special needs from your LEA. School are being helpful currently and that is great but there is no guarantee such a level of support will continue if there is no Statement in place.

hope thursday is some help - poor ds xx

Thanks all, I'll let you know how we get on tomorrow.

xxx

Hi Everyone,

Today went very well. Its was difficult, especially for the wee guy.

The end of it was that his autistic behaviours are becoming more apparent and he's really begun to notice that he's "different" and he doesn't quite know how to process the information. Hence all the feelings about how he's crap, horrible etc.

Whilst we were there, he behaved horrendously, as he always done. We went through an hour and a half of him unable to sit still, being aggressive, angry, irritable, impulsive, cheeky, rude, anti-social, hilarious, cocky, clever and witty all in the the one sitting. Which of course is a good thing, because he was himself and they got to see it!

Once they established that he isn't likely to kill himself and I could keep him safe, they have treated today as a "triage" meeting. Which means they can now assess what multi-disciplinary teams need to be involved and progress his assessments. This is now likely to be in the New Year, but at least he's on the ladder now!

One of the first things they'll work with us to teach us how to explain to him just how he's different. Have any of you did this with your kids and what did you say?

Reports came back from his school today, via my sister that his behaviour was "appauling". So I got on the phone to his head teacher to explain events of the past week. They did know where he was today and I warned them when I dropped him off that he'd had a rough morning and he was likely to have a bad day. The HT was fab and asked me to keep him up to date, as he doesn't care how academic "his kids" turn out to be, he only hopes they are happy. Which I thought was a lovely thing to say.

I think we all found today very hard. I know dh and I are feeling very drained tonight!

Thanks again for all your input!

so glad they were able to see ds and gauge behaviour/ risks in what you felt was a 'normal' pattern for him. it makes it so much easier not having to explain that 'he isn't always like this' lol.
i would make sure that the ht gets a copy of the write-up from yesterday's meeting, and hopefully school will be kept involved with any multidisciplinary work.
so sad for him, but hopefully camhs will be able to come up with some good stategies for you all. we haven't really had 'the talk' with dd2 - but with her it is slightly different as she knows that when she was born her brain got hurt, and that sometimes makes it difficult to do stuff etc, but we haven't had any 'why me' or loss of confidence... yet. it'll come and we'll be banging on camhs door at the appropriate time. she's just 5 though, and i think it's common for 7 or 8 to be the average age when kids start to struggle to deal with not being identikit with their peers.
ht sounds lovely, make sure you use him.
love to you all, and have a relaxing weekend if you can. pressure off and let everyone chill out! you might even get to build a snow man at this rate!

Thanks Romy, yeah its certainly cold enough for snow!

Wellllllll, big break through from my OP. My sister took him for half an hour last night, bribed him with a big "I've missed you present" and he was so pleased to see her.

It turns out that because she is in early pregnancy and really tired she hasn't seen much of him, so he's linked this up with her having a baby and said "Auntie T doesn't have any time for me any more because of her baby" so he thought he was being replaced. He is now really excited to be going to the zoo with her tomorrow.

THANK GOODNESS!!!!

Thanks for all your input, you've been really helpful. xxxx

oh, well done auntie T!
have to keep an eye on that though lol!