ASD DS not wanting to go to nursery every morning, getting us both down

[SammyK]

Just want to get this off my chest really.
DS is aspie, four years old, and goes to the preschool attached to his future primary school, for morning sessions. The school are great in terms of helping him, but he cries every morning.

"I don't want to go to nursery - today is a play day."
"But mummy is my favourite"
"But I can't"

He has communication problems, and can't explain why.
Also when we go in other mums will come up to him - oh what's wrong Kay's DS? This just makes him worse - he hates this and gets even more upset. Sigh.

I feel terrible every morning, but I take him as he does settle when I leave, and as it's part of a school I don't want him to tink school is optional! Any ideas? I don't want this every morning for the next six(!) years!

Sammy my dd1 (as) used to cry most days, she couldn't explain why she didn't want to go.

How long has he been going? Dd1 took 6 months to settle in but would still get upset if something bad happened the day before (eg, if someone pushed her).

I hated it when people would come up and ask 'whats wrong dd1?' as she would cry more, i ended up in tears most days as i felt so sorry for her .

Dd1 is now at school and hasn't cried once since she started.

Dd2 (ASD) started play-group in september and has now settled, they use bubbles to stop her crying as well as jigsaw puzzles as they are the things that she likes and it makes her feel safe.

Does he have a key worker that can be with him when he gets in? Dd1 had a key worker who she became verry close to, she was great and would find dd1 something to do (painting) as soon as we got there. The nursery also had a set routine each day and they used pictures to explain the routine/day to the children.

Hope things get better for you both soon.

Can you arrange to take him in before the other children? ie - no other mums fussing, and not in the rush with the other children. Can the same member of staff greet him each time and take him to a quiet area to settle, with a book or a favourite toy, before joining the rest of the group when he is ready?

We had to use similar tactics when my DS started in reception as he screamed going to school every day. It took time but he now runs into school on his own - he is now Yr1

Thank you both for your replies,

he doesn't have a key worker, his nursery teacher has told me she feels he needs one, but edpsych has said no assessment until seven and school then changed their opinion and said as he was 'coping' he would bebetter offnot relying on one!

(We are almost through getting him a diagnosis through paediatrician, and when he does I will tackle school again {knackered emotion}.

He gets upste at key points in the day such as coats on, going indoors, transition times basically. We have a visual toilet timetable as he is toilet phobic, and he has a school SALT lady.

I just feel very ovewhelmed about it all today.

It's reassuring that your dcs settled down in the end, DS has been at nursery since January doing half days.

Sammy he is so much like dd1, she would get upset at play time (putting coats on) and is toilet phobic, she still wont use the big toilet(she's almost 5), she has only just strated using the little toilet at school.

We are using visual time tables with dd2, she still finds transition hard.

Dd1's nursery had key workers for all the children (not 1 on 1). I think he would benifit from having a key worker, if he's like my dd he will find it hard having so many different adults around him, if there was one who he knew he could go to, who would help him it would make it alot less scairy for him.

Has the nursery got any experiance of AS? Alot of nurserys don't have a clue as AS isn't usualy diognossed until school age.
When dd1 started nursery i printed off some info from the net to explain to them what AS is and how they can help dd1 as most of the staff didn't know what AS was.

Dd1 improved alot in the last year at nursery, once she settled she became alot more relaxed with transition and has outgrown some of her phobia's.

Good luck with talking to the nursery and i hope they can give your ds more help.

Thanks marne and widemouthfrog

That's a good point about the cloakroom, I never thought of the atmosphere in there and how it might make ds feel.

Does anyone have any good links or books, regarding ASD and schools/teachers?

I noticed last time I went in on a parents day that all DS did in the hall was stare at the light (it was a fluorescent tube flickering on it's way to running out), stuff like this is being overlooked and I think they need more info on ASD TBH.