How do you stop yourself reading too much of DC's behaviour as their condition? And how to deal with people that think it's not real...

[Alambil]

I think DS has Dyspraxia

We have a family history of it and the main signposts are that his writing has not improved since he was 4yrs old (he's 6 now) and he cannot get dressed or undressed quickly at all.

No matter what I've tried, these things have not improved.

So, I looked into it - turns out that those two things are the main signals. Also a lot of his other behaviour points to it.

But how do I stop myself saying "oh, that's because of..." instead of "he's just being over-excited" (for example)?

Also... my dad is very reluctant to "believe" in these conditions.

He thinks DS is just slow, or possibly lazy. He's already asked if there's anything that proves he's NOT got it, even though a lot of the symptoms on the Dyspraxia Foundation website are DS to a tee.

I am new to all this. I don't know how to handle it.

And, my last question - can I say he's got Dyspraxia even if it's not diagnosed? Because my parents and people are saying "IF he has it" (even though as I've said - the DF website has a list of things that he ticks more than he doesn't)

Lewisfan, we are having some problems with DS(he is 10). I pointed out to a behavioural specialist the as these things have a scale and therefore a cut off point, one child could be just to one side of that point, and another on the other side, yet essentially, both families are living with almost identical problems.

DS is undiagnosed with anything, but as H and I have 4 children between us, you know he is on a different plain to the others. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think there is something amiss and in someways it helps because if I thought he was 'just' a difficult child I would go potty.

Not sure about addressing it to others but certainly express my feelings to close family and friends. I hope you get some support and find a way forward.

How to handle it? With as much dignity as we can muster . I think you can say you strongly suspect it, but without a formal diagnosis I'm not sure it's correct to say he's definitely got it. Worth going to get it checked out, I'd say. My GP referred son on for dyspraxia tests very quickly, so it was worth checking.

I get loads of "oh surely everyone does that - it's nothing major" stuff aimed at all three of us in our family, despite the diagnoses. People's reactions are often grief, denial, or anger - and those are often ways people deal with surprise or difference. Alarming when it's aimed at us, though.

I think it's harder earlier on when you're still trying to get to grips with it yourself. It's a mixture of feeling relieved that you have an answer (even if not yet officially dx'ed) and wanting to somehow defend your child from the accusations that they're lazy or naughty.

I don't honestly know what the answer is. I've given up trying to explain autism to family. Ds1 was dx'ed nearly 5 years ago and still no one mentions it except for one of my sisters.

It's worth asking for a referral if you haven't already as it can help to know one way or another. IME a written dx won't change the opinions of those who are in real denial but if your parents are generally supportive they might be more inclined to believe that your ds has dyspraxia.

I have also given up explainingboth dd's conditions to my parents, dd1 gets a dx in 2 weeks, she clearly has AS but my mum still thinks she will grow out of it , dd2 has possible ASD and severe speech delay (no speach), my mum thinks she is just lazzy and will talk whens she's ready.

I find myself using AS as an exscuse for dd's behaviour, i have to stop myself and think 'is this AS or just bad behaviour?'.

I also struggle sometimes to decide whether ds is behaving in a certain way becuase of his AS / ADHD or just because he is being naughty. I think a lot of the time it is a bit of both. My family have been very supportive but i have had some unhelpful comments from other parents. Usually on the line of "Oh all boys are like that, he's fine" - I think most of these people generally mean well they just haven't got a clue.

Ds only recently got his dx but I did sometimes use it to explain his beahviour to others before it was official. It depended on the situation. Most of the time though I would say he was being assessed for AS and ADHD.

Well the teacher met with me tonight; she's put his name forward to the SENCo to get some exersizes underway.

I've got an appointment with our GP for it too to see what they say.

I think - and I've done some research in my course (teacher training) that it's a case of how severe is DS rather than is he/isn't he dyspraxic, but then again - is that just the mother in me looking for a reason?

TBH it's really difficult! (which of course, you all know already.... I am at the starting point with referrals and Lord only knows what else)

My dd was diagnosed at school as dyslexic - and gets extra support for that. She already gets physio as her feet turn in quite badly. The school asked at one of our regular meetings if she could be refereed to the OT as they had issues with her coordination. OT has diagnosed DCD (which after googling I think is just another name for dyspraxia). I am just happy that I am not neurotic and that my concerns over dd's poor coordination have not been in my head. She will get some OT and the school will work with her.
DH was worried that it was yet something else tat would gove dd an excuse not to do things. I don't see it as thta - I see it as giving her confidence as problems she has - be it with reading or with coodrination - are not her fault.
Reading stuff on here though we are very lucky. OUr school is very supportive and will try and get any help taht is available.

Hi Lewisfan i have a 7 year old DD who is not dx, but have started the process of dx for several years family have been no support at all, saying she is naughty, we are to soft with her and lots of other things. until you go through this sort of thing yourself and you start reading and looking for information, it is only then you gain any understanding, i have three older children without SN and i am sad to say i was probably like that myself once as well until i started working in a school as a teaching assistant like you, then you meet all sorts of children with allsorts of problems and it really opens your eyes and i am now much more understanding to all different kinds of people and children.
Just get any help you can and try and take each day as it comes don't be to hard on yourself and MN is a great place to come to ask questions,have a moan or anything else you fancy it has been a lifeline for me.

Hi LewisFan, having a child with dyspraxia myself, I know how you feel. DD was diagnosed very early and showed the same signs your child shows. Chances are your son isn't very good at things like tennis and other sports that require good hand eye co-ordination, and the writing is probably slow as well as not very neat.

You should get referred and get him diagnosed as soon as possible, then if you have some teachers complaining he is getting behind because he isn't writing enough, you can say that he has dyspraxia and he CAN'T write any faster.
As for the other things, your dad may be one of those people who doesn't want to know their child has something, and views those people as inferior, he is trying not to acknowledge your child has a disability. Linking things with dyspraxia is hard to decide and is another reason to get refered, there are lots of conditions that often appear alongside dyspraxia but are not part of it. You could look here for the most basic things.

Aparrently dyspraxia is more common than dyslexia although hardly anyone knows what it is. My DD 5 who has dyspraxia is one of the brightest in her class has above average reading skills and definately does not have dyslexia. Even my spellchecker doesn't recognize dyspraxia although it does recognize dyslexia.
You'll just have to keep telling others that he has dyspraxia and hope they understand, although little knowledge in the common population makes this hard.

Good Luck

Lewisfan
When you go to the doctors it might be useful to have a list of all the things that make you think that your child has dyspraxia. It's so easy to forget bits when you are at the doctors, and then afterwards to think 'I should have told him about x, y & z'

Our doctor said that none of the individual issues I raised about my son worried him too much, he thought that might just be usual pre-teen behaviour, but the sheer number of issues that I listed made him refer my son to the hospital. Athough we are still on the waiting list for the official dx, every proffesional we have seen since says DS is either dyspraxic, HFA or AS.
Good Luck

I didn't hear the term dyspraxia until my child was 8 and was then told as they weren't struggling at school it wasn't worth pursuing a diagnosis. That was probably a mistake. It seems that a GP referral to an occupational therapist is the best way to go for useful treatment. You may also want to get a book like this

www.amazon.co.uk/Developmental-Dyspraxia-Identification-Intervention-Professionals/dp /1853465739/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1227346940&sr=1-1

Anyway we went through the get them easy clothes stage and shoes with velcro rather than laces. By chance rather than design we also seem to have done other recommended things - trampolining, a scooter to improve balance, swimming (better underwater), and archery. We're getting a Wii Fit - the need to balance on the board may help co-ordination. We still have social problems, poor posture, low self esteem to worry about but the physical issues become less important as your child gains some skills/ is able to use a computer more for schoolwork.