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Twice in the last week I've had a really vivid dream that we don't have DS3 any more.

17 replies

SixSpotBonfire · 05/11/2008 11:25

Has anyone else experienced this? I love DS3 to bits, but twice in a week now I've had a really vivid dream in which we don't have in any more. In the first dream, I'd woken up from a dream where we had him iyswim, but it was only a dream and really (in my dream) we just had two DSs. The second one was far worse because he actually died in it and I woke up in floods of tears.

What on earth is wrong with me!!!!!

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cyberseraphim · 05/11/2008 11:34

Roy Richard Grinkder mentions this in his book - Unstrange Minds' that parents often feel guilty if they dream or fantasise that the impaired child has gone away. I think it is just a normal release mechanism for the emotions.

madmouse · 05/11/2008 11:36

yes I have had that. leaves you with a horrid feeling even knowing it is just a dream

is there anything in particular that you are going through with ds3?

remember that death in dreams usually points to change (possibly drastic change) rather than actual death.

feelingbitbetter · 05/11/2008 11:54

I have too. DS is only 5 months old so I think it harks back to the time when we were told we would lose him, in my case . If he is fast asleep I have to get up and check him in case it wasn't a dream, even though I know its a dream, IYKWIM.

I have also dreamt that me and DP are down the pub enjoying ourselves, when we suddenly realise we have a DS and we've forgotten about him. We run home. DS isn't there and we don't know where he is. Which is when I wake up in a flap. Think its just my mind escaping back to a more carefree time for a bit of a break from worrying.

needmorecoffee · 05/11/2008 11:55

probably anxiety dreams. I've had the same about dd because I have been told she may die. I wake up in a right state!

lourobert · 05/11/2008 11:59

Ive also had the same and very recently. I dream Im at ds's funeral

Arabica · 05/11/2008 12:44

I think all the characters in the dream story all reveal different aspects of our own selves, rather than being a straightforward narrative or secret wish.

So it's interesting to re-tell the dream in the first person, from the perspective of another character or object in the story.

For example, I dreamed I left DD outside Sainsburys and forgot all about her until I got home with my shopping. Luckily a passer-by had found her and brought her back soon afterwards. Obviously what came up for me at first was guilt at doing such a terrible thing, fear of other people's reactions, self-hatred, and other negative stuff. I also feared that deep down I felt incapable of looking after her and that she was a burden.

When I sat in a different chair (this is important) and told the story from DD's perspective, however, I was surprised about what 'she' felt. Confidence, love, the ability to look after herself, and communicate that she needed help. It helped me to think of my strengths (and hers) a bit more.

Sitting in yet another place to tell the story from the passer-by's perspective, I realised just how alone I had been feeling with DD and how much I needed to trust the professionals around her to do their jobs well.

Well, it worked for me (you lot are probably thinking Arabica's avoiding work again--and you're right!)

Tclanger · 05/11/2008 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SixSpotBonfire · 05/11/2008 14:29

Thank you, all. It is a massive relief to know I'm not the only one who has had dreams like this!

Some interesting points:

cyberseraphim - yes, I can see that - I still feel a bit bad though that I have negative emotions regarding DS3 to release!

madmouse - the changes he is going through are all really positive - settled in well to full days at nursery, making progress with PECS, etc - but the long-term fear is getting worse at the same time, iyswim?

feelingbitbetter - I remember having that dream with DS1 when he was a baby - the one about being in the pub, I mean - we nearly lost him when he was born, too!

needmorecoffee, lourobert, Tclanger -

Arabica - that's very interesting - not come across that approach. I suppose if you told the story from DS3's perspective - in the first dream - the family was tremendously and profoundly empty without him, and in the second, where he died, I was desolate with grief. Which I guess shows (a) that he makes our family complete and (b) he is very very profoundly loved.

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cory · 05/11/2008 18:45

I dreamt that ds died the other night, and he is the one that does not have SN. I think it's just one of those horrible dreams that mothers have. We are not going through any trauma concerning him, he is absolutely fine, but I am feeling a bit out of control with my professional life. When you're dreaming things get distorted and twisted.

sphil · 05/11/2008 19:18

I often dream about losing DS2 - as in losing sight of him I mean - or of him running off and I can't catch him. I've also dreamt that he's suddenly started talking in sentences, loses his autism etc etc.

misscutandstick · 05/11/2008 20:01

I have horrendous dreams where my children are on some sort of bridge or beach which is surrounded by titantic waves crashing all around them... and then theres just me being useless not being able to get to them and terrified that the waves will wash them away and take them from me...

suppose it doesnt take much of a brainiac to analyze my dreams! i do worry that im not coping well enough, or that something may happen cos im not doing enough, and more bizarrely i have real deep fear of tidal waves, and we couldnt live more central of the country!!!

nickerless · 05/11/2008 20:16

SixSpotBonfire, last year I had a six month period where I regularly dreamt that ds just wasn't there anymore. In my dream I wouldn't feel sad nor happy, in fact I would feel nothing. It would upon waking (and still does tbh) play dreadfully on my mind, I love my boy, and appreciate and value every second we have with him, he was prem and so nearly didn't make it; Ds has SN btw.

needmorecoffee · 06/11/2008 07:26

must of been in my head. Last night I dreamed I was visiting dd in hospital and a nurse greeted me with tears and 'i'm so sorry' DD was being resicitated.
Woke up in tears
Am petrified of her going in for her G-tube now in case its a premonistion

cory · 06/11/2008 08:33

needmorecoffee- it's not a premonition! you know what it is, it's your brain keeping on worrying when you're asleep.

MUM23ASD · 06/11/2008 10:18

It is just a dream...but having done the same...many times...know how hard that is to accept.

my worst was dreaming that ds1 was running on scool field and caught fire- and carried on running as a charred body.

(this was triggered by him constantly chewing on playstation wires/ controllers...and my fear of him being electrocuted)

so...believe us all here- it is not you wishing anything- or a premonition.

i believe in sleep we try to make sense of confusion... and the more unsettled/confused we are- the more vivid the dreams. I don't try to interpret my dreams any more- I see them all as being on the same theme.

take care
xxxxx

MUM23ASD · 06/11/2008 10:20

i also have 14 sleeping tablets a year (thats all the GP will prescribe me!!!)...so if i have a few nights of bad dreams in a row....i pick a night to 'treat myself' to a sleeping tablet...and have 1 night off- no dreams.

SixSpotBonfire · 07/11/2008 11:38

needmorecoffee - cory's right - it's not a premonition! Hope it goes well though - thinking of you.

Thanks everyone for insights and sharing your experiences! I do feel better for knowing I'm not the only one....

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