Statement has come through, feeling pleased but underlying sadness

[ThomCat]

So, as you may have read, out statement for Lottie has come through. After being told to go away and that she was "developing age appropriate skills" and was too young we have now been 'awarded' 10 hours a week, out of the 15 hours she attends nursery. So all good.

However, can't help but have a moment to myself of sitting here feeling a teeny bit emotional as I read through her description, and if I'm honest, comparing her to the little girl who walked into school today and was chatting to her daddy.

This little girl was carrying one of those play ELC knives, and daddy was saying it was gold to which the little girl responded that it wasn't gold it was brown, it couldn't be gold. It struck me that this girl, Lotties age, knew what the colour gold was, knew that gold was also a precious metal, and could basically have a conversation and argue the point with her dad.

Made me smile and made me sad at the same time.
all colours are 'lelo' (yellow) to Lotbags. I know we'll get there and what does it matter but sometimes the difference in her and her NT peers seems so huge you wonder how you'll ever get there, how the gap will ever be bridged.

It says in the report "Charlotte presents as a confident, chatty little girl, with many engaging mannerisms. She shows curiosity and interest in her surroundings and is assertive about expressing her needs and wants'. Which is lovely. But it's the words delayed, reduced, only able to concentrate for 5 mins, finds it difficult to pronounce, needs help, shows no awareness and so on that just leave me feeling a bit down in the mouth tonight.

A liitle boy in her class came up to me this morning, all excited to see her, and said to me "I heard her talk yesterday". How lovely but at the same time how sad.

Sometimes being the odd one out, the novelty, the cute kid that can't walk or talk ... well it just hurts a bit. Sometimes it would be nice not to feel.... 'special' iykwim.

Sorry, self-indulgent waffle that I'm sure you'll allow me, and understand even, but self indulgent all the same.

Tomorrow will be a better day, I do, after all have a fab kid and we're getting some great support so what is there to moan about really?
The answer is nothing! Just that sometimes, every now and then it feels crap being different, it feels crap that your child needs so much help, it feels crap that she, that we stick out from the crowd, that she's a novelty, that she can't talk, that she can't walk...............

Okay, I'm done.
Thanks for listening, TC x

Hi throckenholt. It's on the acronyms list - I had to look it up as well a while ago. It means 'neurologically typical'.. avoidance of the word 'normal' I guess.. which even I find myself resorting to sometimes! It's sometimes hard to be pc when you're trying to get across what you mean isn't it!

SJ x

thanks - I figured out the meaning of not the acutal words - don't think I would have ever come up with those words on my own !

Sleepy Jess, that's such a wonderful, wonderful post. I'm sitting here in tears, but they're really happy ones.

TC, you too are really good at putting emotions & feelings into words. If it's possible to get a warm & fuzzy feeling from reading a post then yours do it. I'm going to try & remember your line about 'being special is fab - I should be feeling sorry for everyone else' for crappy days. Very true

I showed the copy of JP&B to a friend who has a son with DS. When she saw the centre spread she immediately said 'isn't she gorgeous?' and pointed at Lottie. Absolutely

TC - it's OK to feel sad, the sad days make the good days so much sharper, so much more meaningful.

Sleepyjess beautiful post.

Oh TC!! I really know how you are feeling!
After a few really difficult months dd,seems to be settling in at mainstream nursery. In fact we have actually had our first visit from the home visiting teacher and she has seen dd at nursery. She is actually at SN nursery this morning! I am swaying from emotion to emotion not really knowing what I should be feeling!

During half term dd still attended SN nursery and when collecting her ds looked through the window. He said "Mummy, why is the teacher feeding that BIG boy yoghurt,why isn't he doing it himself?" I went through the "everyone is different in their own way" type speech and came away with Amelia holding my hand and thinking how lucky I was!

At mainstream nursery, I see all these children about her age, all running around, so independent,
some call out to her,"look there's 'Milia!" in response she shouts back,"yooooww!" Really silly but I don't know hardly any of the childrens names! I just don't have that feedback from her.
On the otherhand there are a few children who seem to "flock" around her, walk along beside her in the buggy holding her hand![ah bless!]

When they all come out of nursery they chat away to their mums/dads... about what they have been doing while I can't wait to get home to see what (if any) comment has been put in her contact book.

Sorry for the rambling, it's all I seem capable of ATM! {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

Sharing these little dips in our worlds helps so much doesn't it. I'm fine again today. Medical reports and the like are always going to make you feel crap about stuff for a moment and then it's back to the reality of our great kids.

Lottie made me lay down on my bed next to her this morning and then she straddled me, so she was sitting with one leg either side of my shoulders and then she held my cheeks in her hands and proceeded to plant kiss after kiss on my face while i could feel her shaking with giggles. So do I care that she doesn't know her colours yet, do I care that she has a limited vocab, a limited understanding? No, i don't. She'll get colours eventually and her vocabulary will grow and all the time she'll be my little Lottie, who scoots all over my bed, laughing her head off while i'm trying to get her dressed in the morning. That's not to say i don't fully expect to feel a bit down in the mouth over something again now and then, and when I do, I'll be back here and needing you lot to let me vent my feelings for a bit.

Sleepyjess your post says it all, for all of us, so well. There are some posts that should be framed and hung and yours is one of those posts. Like I said last night I'm so pleased I had my blip if only to have 'met' you properly.

Long may mumsnet continue to be such a wonderful support group.

we all have sad days/weeks i often have moments where i see typical kids and how they can easily do things and then look at my three and feel sad/ wonder why and as much as it sometimes saddens me it doesnt ever sadden my three they are blissfully unaware that they are different and in a way i am thankful for that, there are many bitter sweet moment when you have a child with SN and i know i get more joy/ happiness when my three do something small that other parents take for granted/expect, so i reckon i am lucky, lottie is lovely she will always be lovely and will always bring you joy.

Your Lottie sounds a gorgeous little girl. My ds2 who has speech and language problems is also one of the words' big huggers and kissers. Just wanted to say we found receiving ds2s statement very painful although it is of course what we wanted! Just having it all in black in white seems so official somehow.

Also the words are worth waiting for-my ds2 had little speech at 3 told me the other day he wants to make a flying car with daddy and go see the moon! And after years of me saying !Night, night, Mummy loves.ds2..." He is now cracking jokes and says "wee-wee, poo" etc before I can get to his name. Little boys sense of humour- your daughter will probably be more refined!!

Another one here feeling teary-eyed at SleepyJess' post.

It's awful sometimes when you see it all in black and white. I put ds1's CDC assessment report away and only took it out if there was something I really needed it for. When it was time for ds2's assessment I read it through again and thought "OMG! This could've been written about ds2!" It was a horrible feeling but then I looked at ds1 and realised just how far he has come since that report was written. It gives me a lot of hope for ds2 and his future.

There are times when I wish that ds1 wasn't quite so well-known at school IYKWIM. Nearly all of the staff seem to know him - even the ones who haven't been there very long. Ds1 seems to like this though. On a bad day he puts up the hood on his coat and blocks everyone out on the way home. On a good day I wonder how come he doesn't lose his voice with all the hello's he has to say back to people.

Am amazed at having caused such a reaction....sorry to have made people cry but I know it's because we all empathise with each other. I can drivel on forever about my kids..and DS2 (Alex)in particular because he just amazes me every single day.. it really does sometimes seem that he was put on this earth just to LOVE everyone.. because he really does.. nobody is exempt from his affection I lurk on here more than I post and I very often recognise the same qualities in other other parents' descriptions of their SN children. And although this may not fit with everyone's religious beliefs, it seems to me as if our children are 'closer to God' than the rest of us.

SJ x

Well I'm glad you didn't lurk last night SJ.
All the posts on here are lovely, but then you're all lovely women so......

Sleepyjess, if you think you can help, or if anyone can, i think Jaysmum could do with some support right now, she's on a thread called 'So sad'. I'm useless and don't know what to say, one of you might be more good to her.
TC x

Oh TC I have just been reading the thread..I have no idea what to say to Jaysmum except to offer (((hugs)))))and support because I have no real experience of children with ASDs. She sounds like such a wonderful mother (from other threads too which I have read before) that frankly, I am completely in awe of her.. and that doesn't help her one bit!

SJx

TC my mum says that as a parent your children's disappointments hurt harder but their highs thrill more too. More true than ever for us with our little totters. Sending a massive hug out, Sxx

Hi Thomcat,
I could really understand how you felt last night and just wanted to say I'm glad you are feeling better today.
Take care,
Rivers.

Hi Sinclair and hi Rivers, nice to see your names and thanks.

above all, whatever you post, whether you're up or down, your love for Lottie just shines through and always make me smile

I am sorry you are feeling down at the moment, I am happy you are here posting your feelings and getting what you need

I think you're lovely, and I adore reading your posts

I'm feeling myself tipping over the edge into schmaltz but would just like to say .. you say what you want, and feel what you need to when you need to

{{{hugs}}}

TC - hope you don't mind me reading your posts. This whole thread has had me in tears - your children are so bleesed to have you as their parenst and you are blessed to have them. God if I am half as good a parent as you are then I am doing a good job.

God I haven't said what I meant to say at all well - sorry (I shall slink away)

hugs thomcat xx

Thomcat

Just wanted to add that I agree with everything that has been said. I can remember feeling exactly like you did. That they were ripping my little girl apart. It also hit home as ds never had to go through the statementing process and it just seemed so intrusive and some of it so harsh. I remember sitting looking at all of the reports sobbing like a baby. I just wanted everything to be "normal".
Seeing it all in black and white just made it all seem so final and I found that really hard to deal with. However I knew in the back of my mind that after this we could only move forward. I knew that all of the reports had to be worse case scenario otherwise we wouldn't get it. I knew that dd wasn't coping in mainstream without one so that is what kept me going.
I still find any reprts written about dd hard, even now. After all she is my little girl, just like Lottie is yours.
Love and hugs to you sweetie Blossom {{{{{xxx}}}}}

It must be the wine but am in happy tears again. Wish i could magic you all here to join me in, drink in hand. Thanks Twiggs, you know I love you and that was a great post to read.
I'm a lucky girl to have you lot somehow part of my life. I'm a heart on the sleeve type of gal and I do tell it like it is, what other way can there be, and I love it when I get that back from you all. It makes me happy.

Thomcat, big hug for you and lovely lottie.
SleepyJess, that is certainly the best and most moving post I've ever read on mn. Which is saying something!

How lovely to see your name on a tread I started Pph I'm chuffed and here here re SJ, xx

i always read your threads! but so rarely have anything useful to add...