can i just have a sob here(sorry)

[MerlinsBeard]

I took DS2 back to HV today -for those who don't know, i think he is somewhere on the spectrum.

It was a different HV because my normal useless one is on maternity (oh how i cackled when i learned she was having a real life baby of her own - sorry i digress). I was fobbed off again by her saying that each child is individual and it was all probably down to his speech problems (he was speech delayed but his speech is amazing now -still not "normal" but its enough fr me) she wouldn't even let me talk further about what the next step is
I made a Drs appointment for him to see if that is any different but how long do you fight for before you stop? How long do you listen to ppl say that your child is fine when you know as a mother that its' something out of the realms of "normal"?

Mumofmonsters, I think your list (hard as it must be to do) will be very helpful to the paed who sees your ds.

Do give them a typed copy rather than having to go through each point individually (which, I know, would upset me).

You could also do another list of areas that he has improved or areas of strength for him. Even if you do not give this list to the Paed, you can add to it as he gets older.

Hope you get some answers and that they help you to feel less upset.

Good luck

the list was scanned onto his computerised notes and will be sent along with referral request so i will hopefully never ever have to make a list again!good idea about the list of areas where he is stronger (for him) unfortunatly we have had such a bad few days that i can only think of one at the moment horrible mother alert !

Sounds as though he has positives about his language development recently.

He has toys that he likes to play with best (trains, cars, gogos)

With plenty of notice, you can change his routine.

They could also be seen as positives compared to some children, I'm sure.

(ps take a copy of your list with you, in case it is not in the notes. Extra pieces of paper can get lost in transit from printer to file!)

I'm going to start writing that list for you!

"Takes things literally, ie if i tell him to buzz off he will walk off buzzing like a fly"

I would pay good money for DS2 (3.2) to understand "fly" or "buzz" .

so sorry Lingle. I am always wary of posting here because i know that compared to some my problems with ds2 are really trivial(and must seem it too)

I don't think Lingle posted that to make you feel bad, just to try to make you feel better.

How's the new list coming along?

what a good idea to do a positives list too

-at least with the certain things we can't change, i know where i am up to in the day !

-his speech has been the most amazing thing...todays new word ice ager(light sabre)

-although he won't ask for hug, when he lets you hug him he won't let go until i do

-he does try to be nice to ds3, in his own way

no not at all to make you feel bad . I post so much on here that I was assuming you knew my background. DS2 has language delay and I aim for the cheerful-maternal-denial-about-anything-else-coupled-with-acceptance-that-he-and-his-brother-have-tr aits-in-common-with-kids-"diagnosed"-with-mild-ASD-hence-posting-on-special-needs-board-but-heck-if- DS1-has-ASD-then-ASD-would-be-something-we-should-all-be-queuing-up-for-so-don't-make-me-laugh-profe ssionals-with-your-dour-faces.

Will post a more serious response in a moment.

Seriously, mumofmonsters, I agree your HV is doing you a real disservice here.

If you had had some more sensible advice, I'm sure you would be feeling less stressed by this point.

I think I've been fairly lucky in this regard. You can phone the SALTS any time and they say short sensible things like:
"Yes, those traits are autistic traits. They are also however traits of a much larger subset of young children than those who later go on to be diagnosed as autistic" [this at 2.6, a low point]

ie they don't give you crap about "individuals" but rather acknowledge your concerns whilst reminding you not to jump to conclusions.

Similarly my HV asked me "do you have concerns about his behaviour?", listened, then just said "fine, that's close observation done, which is all you can do as a parent, the SALTS are the next step, go see them on Thurdsay".

which is what you need really, isn't it, rather than lectures about your ability to relax.

It's horrible being caught up in the "am I in denial or betraying my child?" roundabout isn't it?