have had enough.....

[anniebear]

am so fed up.

Just can't see any light at the end of this horrible tunnel we are in.

As Ellie has come off her Epilepsy medication, her sleep of a night has gone worse, didn't think it could get worse!!

I am exhausted.

She can be such a gorgeous loving child and everywhere we go people want to take her home with them.

But they would soon bring her back when she is screaming or singing at 4am!!

I feel sorry for our Neighbours, they must hate us. If our house is ever quiet we can hear their phone ringing, so I dread to think what they hear from oursm, especially through the night.

I just feel I have no energy left. At 3am this morning I wanted to pack her bags and give her away. Or pack my bags and run away!

I do love her very very much. I just get upset about it all.

I just want 3 year old twins who are pretty much the same with no problems and our life to be easier.

I just sit here sometimes and think why and how did we end up like this. I am 33, look and feel 63 and just don't feel I have any enjoyment from life.(I am exaggerating slightly, I do have some breaks from them in the daytime.......but I really do look 63!!!)

Just when does it end? Is this it for years to come?

Sorry to be a moan, I know many on here are all shattered and having an horrendous time with their children.

But I had to let off some steam!!

Sorry to go on (this is only half of it!!!!!!) and thanks for listening

xxxxxx

so sorry your feeling so bad, im sorry i have no advice or experience to give you but didnt want you to think no one was listening to you

me too! just looking at the homestart web page suggested by others - have a look. x

that was me! glad someones seen it, i thought it might help given the amount of sadness around here at the moment

I don't think I need homestart - but will make a donation to them to maybe help out someone else in need. I don't think they'd come and clean my house for me or let me go and get my hair done would they??

anniebear, I can't fix it, I can't help, and I can't really imagine how hard it must be and how tired you are. And a virtual (((hug))) isn't a great deal of use - but I'm sending you one anyway. I hope things get better for you soon.

i didnt put it on for donations!, just incase it would help someone if they could get some help...erm dont know if thed babysit while you got your hair done tho..you could ask i suppose

I have had a Homestart volunteer in the past but we now have a Crossroads lady! They have/are wonderful, we have been VERY lucky.
I know it would very much depend on WHO you get, but they could either take the children out, or stay at home with them while you go out.
My lady looked after dd for me last week while my mobile hairdresser did my hair!

Anniebear, it been a rough time for us too recently and I am still feeling rather drained with it all. It has just been one thing after another!I can hear myself wishing my life away in hope that it was the weekend simply because I don't feel I have the energy to go on. When the weekend gets here I think it is no different, only that DH is with me to help out. The same old routine is beginning to drive me mad!
All I can say is that, yes, things will get better. I tell myself that, and we both have to believe it.
What do you do in your time when the children are at nursery(it isn't school yet is it?)? Do you actually do anything for you?

Just had visions of a Crossroads lady being a woman who turns up with her own rickety cardboard-looking motel set.

Anniebear - I wish I had some practical advice to give. Have you contacted SS about getting direct payments so that you can pay for someone to look after Ellie while you go out etc? From what I've read on here they take ages to sort it out but it might be worth applying.

One of the good things about the SN board is that we can all use it to offload when things get too much. Keep posting. xx

Haven't any words of wisdom. I really hope you (& Ellie) get some sleep soon. I can relate to feeling 63!! Take care of yourselfxxx

Thanks

We are on a waiting list for a social worker, whom I asked for to get help with getting the direct payments. They said we will allocate you one shortly (yeah right!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Also waiting to hear from something called Child and family.

Haven't looked into Crossroads. I have heard it mentioned but don't know anything about it.

When the girls are in Pre School I do stuff for me, go shopping or the gym or just eat!!! So I do have a bit of time for myself, but that is of no comfort through the night!

I know we could look into respite of a night time but she is fully aware of who she is with and she would not be happy. I couldn't put her or me through that.

We had another try of Melatonin last night in the hope that is might work this time. (will put that on another thread!!) But we had the most awful night. That was my last hope. I will try it for another few nights though just in case but I cant see it doing anything

Thanks for listening. I know a few are having a really hard time at the moment.

Thanks xxxx

have a look here

shall have a look now

Thanks

xxxxxxx

Anniebear, I have got a referral form for respite today from a shiny new government initiative called Horizons. They will give 4 hours a month, not loads I know but better than nothing. Unfortunately the form doesn't have a web address & I can't find anything on google, but once I'm in touch with the co-ordinator I'll let you know more details. Meanwhile Crossroads looks good

Take care x

Thanks Chonky

and everyone else.

I don't know if Crossroads would help us as I do have a break from the girls in the week. (just when they come back from pre school, i sit amongst the chaos and think "did I just have a break? don't remember it"!!!!!!!!)

It is in the school holidays it can be hard. Just realised they break up for a two weeks a week tomorrow..agggghhh!!!

Seems like they ahve only just had half term!!!!!

Can anyone help!

My daughter is now 17 weeks and only weighs 10lb 14 oz eventhough her birth weight was 9lb 4oz! I started off breast feeding for 6 weeks but there was no weight gain so i swithched to bottle feeding, things just got worse we found out at her 8 weeks check that she was very floppy for her age and her weight gain was extremely poor. (maybe due to her being sick alot?) She never really took more than 2ozs of feed at a time. She was admitted to hospital in January and after spending a week there with hardly no weight gain. She now has a nasal gastric tube in and is fed high protein milk with thick n easy in it and she is on anti sickness and anti acid drugs.(she can no longer feed from a bottle).She has has all sorts of test including MRI scans, ultrasounds of brain, digestive system plus many more test all results have been negative!!
I am in such a state and nobody can seem to offer me any help or support. Is there anyone out there was has been through anything like this? I just need to know that i am not the only one!!
Thanks Kail

Oh annie bear.....it must have been a bad day yesterday. I posted just before you did sharing my similar feelings.
Sometimes the "fed up and feeling blue" emotion just hits you like a hammer.....I know it did me.
Today is a new day.....yesterday has gone and I cant do anything about changing whats past.....but I can learn from it and change whats going to happen today and the days ahead.
Sometimes I think as carers we dont make enough time for ourselves. We need space and time on our own doing the things we need to do.
I checked out the crossroads site....there are no sevices avavilable in our area.....if there were I would be jumping on them like a shot.
Hubby and I have had a good talk about how I am feeling and he thinks its about time we approach SS for support.
I hate having to think we have to resort to this....it feels as if I am admitting I cant cope with J and makes me feel like I am betraying him in some way.
I need some time out....some "me" time. If I dont get it I know I am going to flip and then what use will I be to my family?????

Just hope you are feeling better today.....thinking of you.

Kial....you would be better starting a new thread....more people would see your plea for help and advice that way.

Anniebear - just a thought for the holidays...have you thought about asking at your SN nursery/ local SN school whether any of the staff want to do respite during the hols? It was suggested to me by one of the staff at our local SN nursery, apparently a few parents put up ads in the staff room as some staff are interested in a bit of holiday work.
Don't know if Direct Payments would enable you to have a bit of help like this. The best bit is that the help is there when you need it the most - crappy holidays

Jaysmum, please don't feel guilty about approaching SS. Everyone who's a carer needs a break.
I'm resorting to going back to work P/T just to get some respite, which I feel guilty about, but I also know that I need time out to be able to get some balance in my life, otherwise it all becomes about SN. It doesn't mean I love dd any the less. From what I've read on here you are a FANTASTIC mum to Jay, asking for a bit of time out occasionally is not letting him down or betraying him. It's giving you a chance to re-charge your batteries so that you are able to continue to help him and give him all the wonderful support that you already do.

Hugs to you xx

Chonky

Thanks

Yes, the Headmistress of Ellies school did mention some of the staff do that with the direct payments scheme

Problem is waiting for the social worker to help us!!!

Jaysmum

I would ring SS, it is worth a try. I got so low a few weeks ago that I am now waiting for a socual worker.

I always think to get any help that you can.

Thanks for your messages

Thanks Jaysmum,
I am new to this site and have now started a new thread.

Kail