Need some help - 3 year old boy

[NannyNanny]

I posted in another section but didn't get many replies. I am hoping someone on here will be able to help. I have a (sort of) friend who has a 3 year old DS, who I sometimes help with and look after. I am quite concerned about him, as he does not seem to be developing 'in the right way'.
I know all children develop differently but something does not seem quite right.
He is very hyperactive, he runs and runs and runs about all the time, unless the T.V is on and then he stares at that like a zombie. He can say roughly 15 words, but only when pointed to in a book, e.g, Cat, dog, shoe. He will never use these words though, for instance if he wanted his shoes he wouldn't say shoes. When you give him a toy he shakes it about everywhere or he chews things. For instance, I gave him a box of crayons the other day and all he did was chew the cardboard box. The only time he will 'play' is if you give him toy cars, and then he just lines them up in formation. He doesn't know anyones name and doesn't seem bothered about who he is with, almost like he can't distinguish between people.
In my experience this isn't 'normal' behaviour. Can someone please help.

P.s. I am not trying to be judgemental of this boy. I just want to know if there is a problem and what can help him.

Thanks in advance

Thank you everyone. I will be seeing the mum in the week and I'm going to bring it up. I don't want to scare her or come on too strong. I don't think I want to mention ASD, because we are not close friends, but I will mention my concerns. I've learnt the hard way no to say anything by comparison with another child because it sometimes sounds as if you are saying 'This child is not as good as the other child'. I really think that she will think I'm being a busy body but I'm past caring about that now. The sooner the little boy gets some help the better.

Good luck Nanny. I am so pleased that you are trying to do something for this little boy.
I agree with poster about some nurseries having young staff with no idea.
I am fairly certain my neighbours child falls into this category too .
He is in nursery 9-6 each day , though his mother doesn`t work at present , she told me she cannot stand to have him around as he is a nuisance .
However she seems to be happy with his progress even delightedly telling a group of neighbours the other day - "he can now count to 3 ." (he is 4 years old) His speech is extremely limited , he is nowhere near forming a sentence and the few words that he says are barely intelligible. One of the mothers in our street who is a teacher suggested to her that perhaps she should speak to someone about his development but was firmly rebuffed. I honestly think that in her case she is with the child so little that she has no idea how bad things appear to be.
I really feel sad and wish somehow I or another of the ( I assure you very well meaning )neighbours could assist this child. He looks so sad and I personally have never seen him smile.

goodness. This thread is breaking my heart. babbi, you've made my heart sink. I really hate to think of that little boy being forgotten like this. Can't something be done? Contact SS? Someone's got to intervene.

Just an idea and i know that lots of HV are crap with spotting ASD but would it be possible you could have a word in confidence with the lads health visitor.

Totally agree with tinysocks, both these little boys need someone to speak up for them . tbh if i was in either of your shoes i would have to speak up, even if it ment risking the friendship.

thanks tinysocks and 2cd , I am coming to the conclusion myself (backed by DH who normally likes to keep well out of things) that we will have to do something.
TBH I really had thought along the lines of SS as I really am not comfortable at all with what I am seeing and I just think that worrying about upsetting people is not important in comparison with ensuring the child gets the help that he needs.
Maybe I am just sensitive but I cannot bear hearing any more of " he is just annoying" , " I wish nurseries were open at the weekend and then I wouldnt have to suffer him apart from early evening " type comments from this poor childs mother. I am ashamed to admit that I try to avoid her where possible because it leaves me with a sinking heart . She has another child due in four weeks and I am nervous for both kids , she has no patience for one , how on earth she will cope with two , I just dont know. She said last week , she cannot wait to get the birth over with as then she can be sterilized "to make sure nothing like this ever happens again"....

She locked the 4 year old in the car last week as she washed it as "he just gets in the way" and he cried until he was sick , "well that will teach him to cry"
(She washes the car every day so not like it is a priority).

As I type this I can see I have no choice , I am going to do the responsible thing and report this. I mean maybe this little boy simply doesn`t speak as he is shouted at any time he opens his mouth.

She locked him in the car and he cried until he was sick and she said what!? Yup, social services. Not that they may do much, but at least you'll have tried.

oh babbi how awful !!

Yes definatley report her!!