Feel so lost, dont know which way to rurn next,

[Kazann]

Have taken DD to school today and i am so upset ive had to take a day of work.
Headteacher called me into office for lastest update of DDs behaviour gave me 10 pages of typed writing on everything that has been going on the last few weeks.
Dont realy know where to start she seems to have disrupted the whole school none of the one to one people can handle the situation i think the head has had nearly every member of staff involved because as soon as DD gets used to someone she then thinks she owns them so to speak and wont let that person go anywhere or help ayone else, so there has been no consistency there.
All the strategies EP tryed to put in place like DD haveing her own table facing blank wall so she is not overloaded with information etc DD will not sit there they have tryed everything, nothing seems to work, came away feeling so bad feel so guilty that DD is upsetting so many people, she is always so positive on way to school goes into class absolutely fine why does it change when she gets there.
HELP I WANT TO SCREAM WHAT CAN I DO.
Went to doctors yesterday gave her a list of all behaviours she said DD has to be referred to other specalists by her epilepsy consultant so will request an appointment.
I thought DD maybe ASD head teacher doesnt think so because she plays with other children and manages to do dancing and gymnastics anyone got any thoughts on this.
I really think DD wont be at this school much longer the head did admit to me they have not had much experience of special needs children and have been quite sheltered but they are not ready to give up yet.
So where do i go from here lost, lonely. banging my head against a brick wall, who can i turn to for help.
SORRY i have waffled on but really needed to get everything of my chest

very sorry you are having such a bad time with DD's school. I think it's pretty bad that the arrangements for your DD to go back to mainstream weren't handled better. Some kids with ASD are sociable, so I wouldn't think that the head's comments are accurate. It may be worth you phoning the NAS (National Autistic Society) to ask for advice - they will be used to people whose kids have problems at school etc but no DX as it can take years to get the diagnosis.

"I thought DD maybe ASD head teacher doesnt think so because she plays with other children and manages to do dancing and gymnastics anyone got any thoughts on this."

Get in contact with the consultant and ask for a referral to get a proper assessment from a developmental paediatrician and also ask him to consider whether the epilepsy could be affecting her learning. If she has epilepsy then certainly ASD or some sort of learning difficulty is possible and needs to be ruled out.

My son manages to do surfing and rock climbing and is severely autistic! Your headteachers comments just display astounding ignorance unfortunately.

Is there any sort of outside agency that can come in and help the school? Behavioural support can be good. It sounds as if a big problem is the school being clueless, if they're willing an outside pro (who can spend more time in the classroom than an ed psych) might be able to help.

Does your dd have a 1:1?

Where was she at school before?

IIRC from previous posts she was at a nurture unit with small classes (12 kids) last year.

She has just had a year in a nurture unit she did really well there with only 12 children in the class it was great would have loved her to stay there but there was lots of children thats need was far greater than hers and because she did so well everyone thought she would be fine in mainstream.
She had a 1:1 for the 1st two weeks at this school then they tryed another person who had more experience supposedly, she lasted 2 weeks now they are using all different members of staff.

((Hugs))!!
Sorry you and dd are having such a difficult time. I dont know what to suggest but can identify with the need to scream!!
I agree with TC that the return to ms has not been handled well.
As a total ameteur, ( who doesnt know your child!) it sounds as if dd really needs (or feels she needs) fulltime attention from a 'supporter/helper' at present to feel secure in her new class. Could they give her that immediatly - remove the stress of trying to share? And give her a clear timetable - ta will stay with you till break - then x wiil be in the playground if you need help you can sit next to x - then ta will return till lunch etc so she feels secure and not abandoned to her new class. Then if things improove reward her for coping unsupported for 5 - 10 minutes, while ta helps others/leaves room.

My ds has autism and ADHD(- not hf - although he was 8 before Dx was confimed)and enjoyed gymnastics (it got too dangerous eventually because he also has very poor spacial awareness) and likes dancing when in the mood. He likes limited company but cannot cope in a class of 30 and certainly not in a playground of 200. So I wouldnt say liking dancing and gynastics rule out ASD - though ofcourse I am no expert! It is much more about interaction with others - the give and take of play and sharing and team sports which are unusual or absent in my son.

Anyway glad the gp is trying to help!

Aw poor DD and poor you.

My DS3 is 4 and has autism and cannot cope at all with having lots of carers, he needs to have one or at the most two regular one-to-one carers.

Oh god..the gym and dancing comment is truly depressing.

the head teacher obviously hasn't got a clue.
Agree about an outside agency while you are waiting for a proper assessment. we have one which is attached to our lea.Perhaps you have something similar? It could be worth looking at your lea website.
What is your lea? or where are you?someone else may have dealings with an agency in your area.

Would definitely not let the headteachers ideas about playing with the other children and doing gym, etc put you off. Her opinion (and that's all it is) is inaccurate.

If your DD is being affected by ASD then changing her 1 to 1 will prob be causing her so much distress that she will be a nightmare at school. Poor girl. Why do they need to change her 1 to 1 ? She shouldn't have to share her 1 to 1 should she ? Isn't that part of the point ?

Troutpout we are in Portsmouth tell me more about contacting lea and what they can do to help i really am a novice where all this stuff is concerned.

Hi Theodoresmummy i agree with you about changing her 1 to 1 they should have advertised for a new person to come and be DDs 1 to 1 instead they are trying to use the same person as the class TA and DDs 1 to 1. Because at the beginning DD only had a 10 hour statement as they thought that would be all she needed so the school thought they could incorporate that with the staff they already had. It has now become apparent that 10 hours is not enough and the head says she needs some one full time.
Heads argument about keep changing 1 to 1 is she says as soon as DD gets used to someone she starts to test the boundaries and not be very nice to them and they feel they have to change to someone else

Well that sounds very normal (getting used to someone then testing the boundaries) and very much like my DS (ASD) - not saying I think your DD has ASD, just going with what you've said.

So what are the school going to do ? Can they 'afford' to support your DD properly whilst you try to get a new statement ? Think you can apply for more hours/new statement without a diagnosis, can't you.

Not surprised you have taken the day off work. It just takes over doesn't it ? I have not been able to concentrate on anything for the past few weeks as DS has started school and has been exhausting (although has settled better than I thought he would ).

Here in cheshire we have casadt (cheshire autism support and development team). They run courses..liase with schools for parents, do school visits and assessments on behalf of the lea.
I looked on the portsmouth website for you and only found this
Not sure if you already have dealings with the lea EP's

Also found this.I'm sure they could give you lots of interim support and information

Also this on nas website

{{{hugs}}} Poor you - I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment.

My ds has a statement with fulltime 1:1 and has done for the last 3 1/2 years. He only got a dx this august. He would also really struggle with the changes in TA. In fact we actually got it written into his last statement that he could have a max of 3 TAs working with him as the new school he is at tend to use subject based TAs and would have given him 7+ a week. I agree with theodoresmummy that testing the boundaries is perfectly normal - ds always does this after a couple of weeks with a new TA. The school need to sort this situation out asap as they are clearly not meeting your dd's needs at the moment.

Ds has AS and ADHD and he is very sociable but lacks social skills so although he really likes playing with other children he often has difficulties interacting with them - this regularly leads to aggression sadly.

Thank you everyone for your advice and support i have sat and written 4 a4 pieces of paper worth of writing about how i feel and what i would like school to do about the situation which i will present to the head teacher when i pick DD up.
DDs statement is for social and communication problems and she is sociable but also has difficulty interacting.
The statement for more hours goes to panel tomorrow think the head is waiting to see if she gets more funding before advertising for a more experienced 1:1 so hopefully after that the ball will get rolling, well fingers crossed anyway.
It does take over your life and nothing else matters as you all know from your own experiences.
TROUTPOUT thank you i will look on those links.

Hi Kazann, you are much more of teh expert on this than me but could her Epilepsy meds (i'm assuming she is medicated) be effecting her behaviour, is it worth discussing with her DR.

My friends little boy swapped meds because of behaviour problems. Just maybe worth considering?

She did have problems before she was on medication but i do think it probably aggravates the issues as it is very strong medication which affects the brain so who knows whats going on in that little head of hers. I have asked her consultant about this before and she says no it isnt to do with te medication i am hoping to get DD booked in for an MRI scan to see if they can find anything else but like everything it takes forever to sort out.

Kazann on Tue 14-Oct-08 12:40:11

"Heads argument about keep changing 1 to 1 is she says as soon as DD gets used to someone she starts to test the boundaries and not be very nice to them and they feel they have to change to someone else "

I think that sounds absolutely awful Their idea seems to be to keep her as insecure as possible so she won't dare to play up. Totally out of order imo.

I hope the meeting goes well today

Just to let you know have not had any news on the meeting of panel for more hours on statement not sure how it works do they write to you, tell the school, or should i phone some one and chase it up.

I think it depends on the borough. Some get arsey if you call up and ask what decisions they made - others are quite happy to tell you on the phone. Fingers crossed they made the right decision