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Am I right to be so upset???

18 replies

Blossomhill · 04/10/2008 16:09

Dd is just 9 and has a dx of AS and adhd. She has gone to a superb ms drama group for over 2 years and we have never had any problems.
Dd knows she has sn but really isn't ready (we have broached it) to know exactly what it is she has but we talk about it in terms of sometimes you struggle with a, b, c and this seems to be good enough.
Anyway today a new boy had started and I didn't pay much attention.
Dd came out and the first thing she said was mum there's another child with autism that is in my group. I was like who is the other one??? She said me,again another big shocked face needed.
Apparently drama teacher had said infront of whole class (about 15) dd and this boy have autism.
I am angry because when I started dd there the owner said that children with sn were intergrated and no body really knew who had what or even if they had sn at all (obviously children pick up on oddities I am sure). I liked that approach as it meant that dd was treated the same as everyone else.
I said to dd what is autism and she said she doesn't know.
We have talked to camhs and asd outreach about this and we were all going to work together and decide when dd would be ready,which isn't now.
Even if dd had played up (she didn't) why not just say oh you know dd can sometimes have difficulties with communication,talking etc and that would be enough for most children.
I think it should be up to me who knows very personal info about dd. You these children all live round here and again it is my decision when to disclose or not.
I feel sad that dd has had to find out in such an insensitive manner but don't want to take her out as on the whole the drama teacher is excellent.
What can I do/say and am I right to be so upset??? thank you x

OP posts:
LollipopViolet · 04/10/2008 16:35

Yes you are! That's so insensitive. Although if ahe knows now, maybe you can begin explaining what it means, if she asks, and if you want to tell her. But I'm so for you.

coppertop · 04/10/2008 16:44

I don't blame you for being upset. Whatever happened to confidentiality?? Even if the teacher thought that dd already knew about her AS/ADHD she should never have passed that information on to the rest of the children without your permission.

It sounds as though the teacher needs better training about SN if she is going to be working with groups like this. A bit of work on data protection and confidentiality probably wouldn't go amiss either.

Blossomhill · 04/10/2008 16:56

I am more angry for dd tbh. She has made some lovely friends in that group and there really isn't any need for them to know just like I don't know anything about any of the children in her group iyswim

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streakybacon · 04/10/2008 17:05

That's very poor, and I'd be cross too. It's her business and her choice when to share it with other people - and of course when she comes to terms with it herself.

I'd have a word with the teacher - it's too late to backpedal for your dd's sake but she should know what she's done so she doesn't break confidentiality again.

Hope you're OK.

Blossomhill · 04/10/2008 17:08

It's just such a big thing isn't it? Not like saying oh dd has a cold this is something that is really going to affect dd imensely. Thing is there is such a negative response to autism anyway and yes although dd has it if people can just see dd for who she is rather than what dx she has the better for her!

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Aero · 04/10/2008 17:19

I'd be cross too bh as I feel exactly the same re dd. She knows she has some special needs and struggles with some things, but that's all we've told her for now too, in part because she is yet to be officially dx'd and also because she doesn't need to know more than that atm.

It wouldn't surprise me if our dds were alike! There are times when you'd never know there was anything different about her and times when her symptoms are screaming out at us! Things like clubs away from school are great for forming new friendships doing something she enjoys and for short periods, so the friendships are better iykwim. I would definitely and justifiably be upset if anyone made it known to people in her club that there was a problem, therefore setting her apart from other children!

edam · 04/10/2008 17:26

Oh Blossomhill, that's appalling. The drama teacher was clearly not thinking at all. Ignorant woman.

OK, you don't want to take her out, but I think you should have a word with the daft apeth about confidentiality.

moondog · 04/10/2008 17:38

stupid stupid woman

Christie · 04/10/2008 17:46

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unfitmother · 04/10/2008 17:47

That's terrible!
You need to let her know how you feel.

Troutpout · 04/10/2008 18:27

Yes i would be really annoyed too
Silly woman

TotalChaos · 04/10/2008 18:55

That's so crass blossomhill -as another bloody good reason for confidentiality is that kids don't always know their dx. hope your dd is ok about it all.

Blossomhill · 04/10/2008 19:40

Thanks everyone. Dd seems ok but I'm not. It has ruined my day! You know I now have to explain that she does sort of have autism but it's called Aspergers but tbh I don't think she's ready at the moment
Thanks everyone for all of your lovely comments. I know now I really am right to be so cross and I guess the reason I am so upset is that up until now things how gone so smoothly!

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Christie · 06/10/2008 17:14

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MannyMoeAndJack · 06/10/2008 17:28

What a crass way to deal with this situation - just who is this teacher and does she even now anything about autism (other than it being a label)?! I hope you get things sorted out and that your dd and the other children quickly move on from this experience.

Tclanger · 06/10/2008 17:33

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MannyMoeAndJack · 06/10/2008 18:46

know even!

Blossomhill · 06/10/2008 21:18

Thanks Christie. I am feeling much better thanks. i just keep hoping there is some kind of mistake but knowing that dd cannot lie I doubt it. I have decided to phone and speak to her tomorrow if I can and will let you all know.
I have decided that as much as I am upset I am not going to waste any more time or energy on it until I have spoken with the teacher as then it stops me being able to do day to day mum things which isnt good!

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