Dd's first morning at nursery, need a hug :(

[Marne]

Hi,
Dd2 (asd) started nursey today (special nursery), it all started well, dd started playing with drums etc, i stayed for a while and then we decided dd was happy and i left her for an hour,i left instructions that if dd got upset to give her her dummy which was in her bag (she only has it when upset or asleep), so i left to do my shopping thinking dd would be fine.

When i got back dd had been crying so much she had almost cried herself to sleep and they had'nt given her the dummy , she was pleased to see me but continued to cry, her key worker changed her (dd got more upset) and then we sat down for a snack, dd got upset because she had to wait for her snack but once they gave her the food she stopped crying. Next we played outside, dd would'nt leeve my side but seemed happy. Soon as we went back in for 'song time' she started screeming again until it was home time.

Is this normal for a first day?

Im feeling a bit upset about it all as dd was so upset , she has'nt got to go again till friday, these were the only days we were offered so i can't put her in for more.

Should i stay with her all day friday?

Also, the staff kept on comenting on dd holding her ears, i thought this was a normal ASD thing but the more i try to explain it to them the more confussed they look. Should'nt they know that this is a part of her ASD?

Sorry for the long post but i hav'nt got anyone to talk to, dh does'nt like talking about it. Thanks for listening.

{{{hugs}}} Lots of children find starting nursery difficult regardless of whether they are NT or SN. Its horrible for you as a parent to see your child so distressed though

Is she in all day friday? If so perhaps she could just stay for the morning until she has settled in a bit more.

I thought that holding the ears was quite common too. Perhaps you can arrange a meeting with them to discuss what strategies they are planning to use to help her settle in to preschool.

Sorry you and dd2 have had such an upsetting first session. Couldn't not answer your post - but I dont have the right experience to help as ds would not have noticed my absence and did not go to sn nursery- but he does take a long time to adapt to new things. I would think a new nursery would have a whole lot of new experiences ( difficult enough for any child)- some of which could be particularly difficult for a child with ASD like the busyness and noise different smells and faces.
Ds holds his ears when distressed or in too busy or noisy an enviroment. Perhaps they were concerned she might be poorly as children do this with ear ache too?
When ds ( nonverbal) started preschool, I stayed until he got the hang of the routine and the staff seemed to cope without me. Then I graduated to going (to the kitchen to wash up) and returning so ds could learn I always came back. Then I left as every one else did! Dont know if this helps.

Thankyou for your post's

Dusty- she only has to go for the morning on friday so i think i will stay for the 3 hours, maybe sneek out to the kitchen for a drink. They say i can stay for as long as it takes for her to settle in.

I thought she would be fine as she is in her own little word and does'nt realy notice if i'm not there, at home she plays without me in the room.

Dd1 took 6 months to settle into MS nursery, for some reason i thought dd2 would be fine

Magso- I think i will do the gradual leeving her routine (a bit longer each time), dd2 is non-verbal and does'nt respond well to peoples voices, she has'nt realy been left anywhere without me and hates being in a room with so many sounds and strange people.
She's not used to having to sit down on a chair and wait for things. Basicly she has the run of the house at home and does what she likes , i know she needs to get used to sitting and doing what other people would like her to do.

big hugs to you my ds ASD took about 2 weeks to settle right in and wants to go all the time now bless him it is very hard

i chose not to stay as didnt want ds to think this was the routine me staying so was hard but he soon got used to the fact mummy left and settled fine

see if they have senco there and possibly ask about education people at some point to provide one to one it is very daunting but ds loves it now can still be a bit miffed with routine change there but they have learnt how to deal with him now

we do a diary so they write what his done there and i write important things like if he hasnt slept well or his speech is jumbled then they know what to expect from him

oh also my ds worst part of day at pre school or music therapy or his special needs group is song time he hates it so we always leave him be at that point i think at pre school he has to join in and he has got used to it but else where he leaves before singing

Do you think they would mind if we left before the singing? I think she hates evryone singing at the same time . Maybe i will ask if we can miss out on the singing.

She has a key worker, who is working mostly 1 on 1 with her, sometimes she has to work with 2 children.

well i would say for the first day completely expected its new its out od routine and she will soon get into it

just explain why you should leave and im sure they would be excepting of this maybe later they would encourage envolvement but for now you want it to be as positive as an experience as possible

i would say not to stay unless they ask you as the fear with my ds was he would assosiate this every time that i would stay and best get him used to it early on that i have to leave

how old is your dd? x

Marne I wouldn't go in for the full three hours on Friday, just maybe do an hour, maybe two hours at most, you decide on the day if you are going to leave and let her settle herself.

I am surprised they commented on her covering her ears if they are an SN nursery, ds's nursery comment on it.. but only to say he still does it/keep me informed. The out of tune singing really bothered him, he also covers his ears for other stuff, when he is scared or doesn't want to listen.

my ds started at an SN nursery (it was called a developmental play centre) he was 2.7 yrs maybe, I don't think (with hindsight) he was really ready for it.

I didn't like the place either, can't put my finger on why, it was a new build and lovely, but the staff were a bit patronising/annoying/full of their sn training imho.... I was glad to move and get ds to a mainstream pre-school nursery and get the help he needed there.

I hope your dd settles, begins to enjoy it, but trust your instinct and do what you think is best for your dd.

Thanks,
She's 2.7 but has the mental age of 18 months. She does'nt understand when i say goodbye.

I think i was upset as it dawned on me that dd may not go to main streem school like her sister

In a way i would rather she went to MS nursery as the nursery dd1 went to were great at dealing with her AS. We are only sending her here so she can get speech therapy once a week instead of once evry 3 months if she stays at home. I feel like i should stay with her on friday but maybe not in the same room (pop in and out, longer each time) I don't think its the being left thats upsetting her, its more the different enviroment and noises.

I hope she settles in soon.

it will be the change of environment my ds took 2 weeks before he understood the routine and was comfortable then he was off ill went back and routine had changed so took another 2 weeks to get him settled again he would scream before we got to the building

i think maybe being in another room may help but obviously try and give them hints on how to deal with your daughter so you dont have to keep intervening as sthey need to learn how to cope or learn her needs

it is heart breakling you may even see a leap in her development my ds was a yr behind and a yr on near on age appropiate although still not receiving SALT only been waiting a yr and half

i hope she settles well and i hope you feel better about it too alot can happen from now until schoolxx