I have just been shouted at by the parent of DS1's latest victim. AIBU to think they'd be better off yelling at the school because I am doing my bloody best and am now scared to go into the playground, which is ridiculous?

[Peachy]

Sorry.

Am not so much angry that he approached- God knows I'd have done the same- but he wouldn't listen and kept saying in a put on voice 'yeah yeah I know he has needs'. The aggression of the dad dd make me shake (still am) and I feel like crying still.

What I was actually trying to say, if he had listened, was that I was very sorry and that he should approach the school in the hope they'd support our constant requests to them to watch him at lunchtime.

Most of all though I am scared that ds1's behaviour makes me feel sick - today he kicked the exact site of the injury on a boy with a recnt leg op. He says the boy ran after him- boy was on crutches. It's all bullshit, it's always bullshit and ds1 is angry at us for not beleiving him.

The school called the Dad in to get his son, so why the f didn't they tell us?
had I been alone i'd have been petrified; I had ds2, 3 and 4 with me.

Am really wishing I could just sign some forms for ds1 to go to a behavioural unit but school will barely acknowledge an issue atm, as they don't want any more 1-1's in the school and his current one already has too many hours. They have to try that before anything else: ed psych dept ahs closed due to staff shortages as well.

Ths was in front of the Mum of poor little ds2's new friend (DS2 has been hurt by kids telling him to top DS1 hurting them so chances are, as before, friend won't be allowed to play with ds2 now. But ds2 can't help his brother.

I think my patience with ds1 is running out. I love him dearly but truth be told he can be a little shit and I hate to think that way.

WHat a nightmare for you - I don't know the background but agree that the school's Governing Body has a duty of care towards all the children in the school; they have to ensure that the children are safe. And by not providing the support your child needs, the crutches boy was not in a safe environment.

If you can approach Mr Angry again, a letter from him to the Governing Body to that effect may do some good. If you're not getting the help you need from the SENCo or HT, go to the Chair of Governors - that's why they're there.

And ring Childrens' Services re the Ed Psych situation; they have to have one in place and the information you've been given may be inaccurate - there could be a locum Ed Pysch kicking around that the school doesn't know about (my DS3's school was in exactly this situation recently). Good luck.

The problem with ed psych is that they simply can't get anyone to work for them. My friend has managed to get an assessment but it took a Solicitor- I will ask her for any letter copies; think she owes me one as I helped her out LOL (in the infant school I have such a rep as a hard fighter just being seen by senco talking to me signifies willingness to go to war- ).

SENCO is fab at Juniors but she has been off for a while on mat leave; I wonder if the cover one didnt actually do much? I know his last review was pointless as his new teacher was also on mat leave (havent met class teacher actually) and everything as 'well we will try this if the teacher feels she can'

teacher doesnt seem to be able to even fill in a home-school book most days, but maybe teacher hasnt been fed much info?

email we sent to head- gentle hints (if not taken will go in big guns) but as ds2 (in yr3) is there also trying to maintain relationship iyswim.........

'We have just collected ds1 from school, and whilst doing so we were approached by a very angry (and somewhat aggressive, perhaps understandably) parent informing us that ds1 had hurt their child today. I am hoping they have now approached you; the dad didn't want to listen and seemed convinced we were going to try to excuse ds1's behaviour when actually we were requesting they approach you, because without school intervention at lunchtimes we are fairly powerless.

Clearly ds1 has been disciplined (no sweets, will be making a 'Sorry' card), but we would ask that in future we are told of similar occurences, so that we can be prepared.

We don't blame the dad for being angry, but equally it left me shaking and I had no idea what had happened- indeed ds1 still denies it.

It may be that the time has come to request additional funding for more 1-1 supervision at lunchtime (ds2 has been in tears several times because of ds1's behaviour, and also I know of at least one incident where ds2 was bruised by another child who then asked him to stop ds1 hurting people at school)- should this be the case we are more than happy to actively support any request made by the school, as we trust your judgement.

We wil be at the school for drop offs, and available today should you wish to discuss.

Hope you have a better day today Peachy - and DS1 gets support in the playground!

magso school deny the incident- say was an accident

cop out is my guess

leter to parents- thoughts please?

only to be given if needed

To the parents of XXX

I am sorry your son was hurt at the school yesterday, and I hope he is recovering.

I assure you that had I known of the incident I would have been straight into the school to resolve, sadly I had not been informed.

We did go over to find Mr Head but he was busy. We e-mailed when we got home, and he approached us to say this incident was an accident.

I am hoping this is the case, however I have been asking for ds1 to have break time supervision for some time now without success. He does have a statement of special needs, which we had to fight for, that covers 10 hours a week but the school uses this in class time.

If you need to follow this up you have our backing: not only would you, quite rightly, be protecting your so but you might just help ds1 get the support he needs as well.

Our e-mail is X if you there is anything we don?t know about, or have not been told. We have been told tat ds1 is behaving well at the moment but know this is not always the case.

Again, our apologies to you and Elliott.

Mr & Mrs Peachy.

Blimey Peachy I feel like I'm having a flashback. That's almost word for word what I'd written to aggrieved parents in the past when J had lashed out at their children at his old school - and not one of them, nor the school itself, took any action.

I truly wish you success in trying to resolve this but tbh I think you would be better off giving up on this school and giving your son the fresh start he needs elsewhere. It's done wonders for J.

Thinking of you.

At our school parents get given warnings for approaching other parents directly. It really isn't on. So sorry you have this to deal with on top of everything else xx

Excellent letter to parent Peachy. I live in dread of other parents approaching me. I think you are handling this brilliantly and I hope you get the help you need.

That's a really good letter, Peachy.

Sorry you've had to deal with all of this. xxx

Peachy i have similar problems with DS.
Thankfully i am a giant and most people are a bit intimidated by my appearance (thankfully as i think id just cry if they approached me) so i don't get the angry confrontation.

I gave teh schoola letter similar to yours last year and requested they gave it out to teh parents of the children in his class. but teh school refused to hand it out. they didn't want to be inundated with parents frightened of teh scarey kid who hits people.

I hope theletter does the trick and the parent takes this further, sadly it appears that the requests of parents with SN children are ignored in favour of the rantings of the NT victim. But hey, if it helps get your DS the help he needs then who cares.

I'm sorry you're having such a frustrating time trying to get the school to take your ds' needs seriously

however, our school has a very strict policy that parents are not allowed to approach other parents about their child's behaviour and if there's a problem between 2 children parents should always go through school

sometimes this is taken to rather ridiculous extremes as when the parents of ds2's then 'best' friend who live 3 doors down from us complained about ds2 in a formal meeting with the head, but it does stop incidents such as you've just had to endure so may well be worth suggesting to the head/governors

Peachy, your letter is brilliant. If I received this then I would be feeling warm thoughts about you and your child and it clearly gives the impression that you are very supportive parents and doing the utmost for their child.

I really hope that the Dad has the courtesy to give you some sort of polite and considered reply.

Yes a very good letter

Hope today was a better day. Your letter is really good!

Great letter peachy - hope you get a positive response.

I thought good on you for posting in AIBU, I actually think some people need to understand what hell you have to go through for no fault of your own.
And other than the odd tosser stirrer, everybody has been so supportive, nobody blamed you in any way (and rightly so) take heart from that!

Good letter Peachy. ( and I hope the angry dad responds gracefully)

Better day today? Great letter, very dignified, hope you get the response you deserve.