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Help! If you have an AS child can you tell me what childcare you use during holidays?

18 replies

msdemeanor · 02/09/2008 14:41

I work from home and this summer have been trying to combine looking after the kids with working, and it's been a total fricking nightmare. I am so, so stressed and unhappy, the kids have watched too much telly and my liver is going to explode from the amount of wine I've been necking in the evening from trying to wind down.
The trouble is, I really don't know who would look after ds. He's nearly seven, totally non-violent, bright and able bodied (though dsypraxic) but he's still really difficult. He has mood swings, can be hugely unreasonable, often cannot cope well with change (ie a change of plans) or transitions so will cry and resist, is stubborn, and just plain odd in that inimitable AS manner. Also he has to be watched like a hawk absolutely everywhere as he is hugely impulsive, does't really understand consequences that well, and has poor social skills, eg the other day when I was in the bank (ordeal!) just to pay in a cheque, I was ushering the kids out when without warning he ran over to a woman using the in-branch phone and started pressing the buttons! Or at a playground he will bump into other kids because of poor spatial awareness, or interact inappropriately (ie talk rubbish to them or go under the slide and bang on it as small kids go down, scaring them, or get picked on. You know, the endless stuff.
I just don't know who I could get to do part time holiday cover who can handle this, but I absolutely cannot have another school holiday like this. I am shattered and miserable and I have lost all patience with ds, which is so awful.
Please - what do you do, how much does it cost and how did you find someone?

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silverfrog · 02/09/2008 14:48

I have 2 dds - dd1 is 4 and ASD, dd2 is 18 months.

I have a part time nanny, who usually comes every afternoon for 4 hours (she's on holiday this week).

We do a home ABA programme with dd1, and instead of having a number of ABA tutors, we got a part time nanny instead. She does the ABA with dd1 (and dd2, who is really keen, bless her!) but is technically a nanny rather than a tutor, so does have the pair of them sometimes too, if i need a total break. And of course, can (and does) do the nappy changes etc.

She is not cheap (£12/hour) but we are getting structured tutoring for dd1 included in that too, and she is great with both girls, which is something i am happy to pay a lot for.

msdemeanor · 02/09/2008 14:55

Hi, how did you find her and do you use her all year round? With school and part time nursery I am OK during term-times (well, frazzled and close to insanity,but you know what I mean ) but need holiday help.

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silverfrog · 02/09/2008 15:01

We only just started using her in May, and currently, yes we plan for all year round (for this year...) dd1 is at pre-school (3 mornings last term, 2 mornings next term) while we debate her school place - think she is starting in January (not holding breath).

Our nanny is a student, so is very flexible on work hours etc, but we don't yet have a plan for when dd1 starts school, as we are not sure which school so don't know what hours she will be doing then - sorry, not much help!

we used a nanny agency to find her (SNAP childcare) - might be worth a try to see whether they have any contacts for holiday help?

or, ask at your local special school/nursery. dd1's 1-2-1 helper from pre-school last year was asking me whether we needed any holiday help - you never know.

msdemeanor · 02/09/2008 15:20

A student would be ideal. I suppose I could afford £12 an hour (ouch!) but I imagine that you pay NI and tax on top, which would probably make it unaffordable again. Even three days of four hours a day is £150 a week! Eeek. Mind you, I will work out what his DLA is...that would help...it's finding someone who can cope and understand that is the real problem of course. I don't know if there is a local special school. I suppose there must be. Will look into that. Ds has helpers at school and I could maybe put feelers out there next year. I know I have to be more organised! HIs little sister can go into clubs or do Perform and go on playdates etc to give me a break, but ds is so much more problematic.

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magso · 02/09/2008 15:20

Some areas run s/n play clubs. Our local one has different sessions for different needs and it is a maximum of 2 part days a week for 4 weeks of the holiday, depending on need prioritisation. Ds ( eho has LD ans ASD)started attended at rising 8 and loves it. It is subsidised and the care and understanding of the staff supperb. It would not fit in with full time work ( 10 - 3) but gives some respite.
I am very lucky in that Ds attends a small friendly afterschool/ holiday club who cope dispite having behaviour similar to what you describe. He attends on their quietest day(s) only and they have very secure premises. Without this I could not work. Ds likes socialising!
The local under 8 officer should have a list of CM with SN experience ( and also sn clubs)and you may be lucky to find a suitable person. (it is usually double rate for a sn child.)

bundle · 02/09/2008 15:21

a friend of mine has a son who's 12 who has AS. Her au pair left this summer and the mum was so worried re: childcare, she left her job and went freelance...

silverfrog · 02/09/2008 15:25

The £12/hour is all in, so before tax and NI (still expensive, but a little more affordable).

as you say, it is the coping and understanding that is the biggest issue.

Our nanny is as immune to stares/commnets as we all are, which leaves me very happy to have her care for dd1. She is not averse to standing up for dd1 either, and will (and has) quite firmly tell off other children who are hassling/teasing her. She is great, and basically does exactly as i would do.

We used SNAP just because of reasons like these - as a special needs agency they are well versed in toiletting needs/tantrumming issues/therapy issues etc. we saw 3 people, all very capable thanks to them. It was an extra expense but worth it.

pagwatch · 02/09/2008 15:25

Holidays were one of the reasons I gave up work.....

magso · 02/09/2008 15:49

(Pagwatch - agree I work only one short day a week now - it has got harder as Ds has got older to organise suitable childcare. I am well aware that if even this may be difficult in the future. )

msdemeanor · 02/09/2008 16:08

HI, thank you all. Magso, where can I find the Under 8s officer please?
Snap sounds really worth considering for next summer.
I just can't see ds being happy in an after school club, but then the only one I know of looks huge and barely supervised and ds really needs 1-1 as much as poss to keep him from being really, really silly. What a luxury to just bung your child in a club and they'll be happy, eh!
I do work freelance and from home, but this summer has been a nightmare, trying to earn at least some money while looking after him. It has not made me a very nice mummy as I am so stressed. I have vowed Never Again!

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LeonieD · 02/09/2008 17:34

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msdemeanor · 02/09/2008 18:12

You sound as cheerful about it as I do Leonie [despair]!

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Seuss · 02/09/2008 18:32

I was talking to someone from Surestart the other day, she had all the info about looking for childcare, tax credits and claiming funding etc. She also told me that if I was having trouble finding suitable childcare for my SN ds they were obliged to help me find someone with appropriate skills. I'm not ready to go further with it yet but I'd recommend ringing them to see what they can suggest in your area.

magso · 02/09/2008 19:17

The local council should have an 'under 8' officer or similar. (At least they did have there have been changes recently - Im in Herts,). They deal with checking out childcare so have lists of all those (CM and clubs etc)registered locally to provide care for under 8s.
It has taken many years to get ds settled into something that works for all of us- I couldn't just put him into something unfamiliar or aimed at nt children. It helps that he likes social contact but he doesnt yet understand most social rules so he needs adult support. The nearest afterschool club is huge and totally unsuitable in everyway for Ds!
The sn club ds attends is also called SNAP. Would your local asd group have any ideas?

TotalChaos · 02/09/2008 20:46

watching this thread with interest, as grappling with how feasible a return to work will be.... very useful info re:SNAP and local auth

LeonieD · 03/09/2008 07:53

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msdemeanor · 03/09/2008 10:05

My problem is that I need to work and earn money and while I am lucky to work from home (gave up office work when ds found childcare so hard even as a baby) I can't stop for the endless summer holidays, and while two week breaks are manageable, trying to do this at the same time as care for the kids has damn nearlly finished me off, to be honest. Yet most childcare is just inadequate. I will be posting this in May next year I think - got to do it differently next year.

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misslyndsey · 03/10/2008 10:27

Hi,

Where are you based? I know some local services but they won''t be much use if we're not in the same area!

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