Does your SN child behave differently at home and school or do they display the same behaviour all the time.

[pepsi]

My ds nearly 5 is on an IEP at school and his school are also asking for him to see an EP over various issues such as concentration, pencil grip, being a big of a loner, odd noises he makes when he should be listening and so on. Anyway, at home his eye contact is not brilliant, not interested in drawing or colouring really but he can concentrate, ie. play a board game for about 20 minutes, watching and pay complete attention to a film on TV,play a game on the computer, ie. Postman Pat, Pippin, Thomas the Tank Engine, can sit and pay attention to stories, doesnt make the odd noises. My question is, if a child has special needs and has a "condition" of some sort do they behave differently at home and at school. I would have thought that if you suffer from |ADHD or similar that you would have no control of whhen you paid attention, well not totally. I cant understand how he can concentrate and and pay attention and ask questions and be really socialable at home and not and school if he has "something". I hope that its just him and his way of dealing with school and is perhaps just being difficult. He has been to two differeent schools annd they both say the same thing to I cant see how they are wrong either.

our ds has some sen - long story. but is in obs. and ass. unit attached ot mainstream atm. has only been there since sept. but a review in a panel meeting in nov. they recommended he goes to special school nxt sept as there are a lot of issues they cannot help him with or provide for him in order to progress from eg. eye contact and attention on doing certain tasks, similar to what you say, he constantly seeks adult attention to do things at home and school. however school said he doesnt mix with other children which we know has/is a big issue for him as hes been hypersensitive to noise and therefore fearful/dilsikes being with children who are unpredictable but is gradually overcoming these hurdles. on the other hand school said he wont play on his own ; if they give him a ball for eg he just stands in the corner of class where as we know at home he will amuse himself if left to his own devices for while by flicking thru a book and will sometimes kick a ball about on his own- although does prefer someone with him to play football.
not sure if this helps you but i can see where youre coming from and our ds sounds similar to what you mentioned about your kiddy.
ds has general developmental delay due to 2 brain ops and heart op when tiny.
although school say all these things, we are grateful hes alive and can even walk/kick a ball. we're not stressing about whether or not he will/wont be very academically minded as he grows up. if theres a physical task that hes good at and enjoys then so be it. no-one knows to what extent and how long he could be behind.

of course we were immediately literally gutted when special school was mentioned as we'd never imagined such a thing being neeeded now. but there isnt much choice for ds in the area. this school is the best in wales and have excellent facilites to provide ds with more staff to help the individual progress.

The way i look at it is....

Think of your worst day....you have had to comply all day with underwritten social rules....you have to smile all day at people, be polite, when inside your are thinking "SHUT UP YOU FOOL"....all day you have to conform to how society expects you to be....when you get home....you kick off your shoes....make a cuppa and crash out on the sofa.....you can pick your nose, fart, eat a whloe bar of choccie if you want to....you can be you....this is your environment you can be who you really are.

So our children go to school....isnt it the same for them???? Do they not have to put into place their own coping stategies to get them through the day?

I know only too well about the Jekyl and Hyde situation......I lived it for 4 years until I took J out of school.
Now my little man can be who he is all day long.....he can be himself without having to strive to fit in.....thats societys failure.....thats societys ignorance......we do not ALL HAVE TO CONFORM ALL THE TIME.....but thats just my opinion and Im just a bitter old sour puss who is getting angrier by the day at how the system is failing our precious little angels.

So well put Jaysmum. My DD is off for her first official assesment tomorrow. She has a language disorder. I get so pi**ed off when every little slightly odd behaviour is attributed to her laguage problem. She is just a 4 year old!!! I even got told when I picked her up from nursery one day that she had said 'no' to the nursery nurse a couple of times that day (as if this was wildly devient behaviour). BIG DEAL!! Would they have bothered saying this to me if they knew she didn't have some problems (slight though they are)with her understanding?

So Pepsi, now Iv'e got that off my chest....I think schools have become increasingly intolerant of any behaviour that means a child doesn't tow the line in the socially accepted way. We are all different and we all have our own strenghts and weaknesess. Its just so much harder for kids who come under enormous pressure to 'fit in'. I would be asking the school what they are going to do to help your son- maybe they are the ones with the problems, not your son

There are times when ds1 (4yrs) has been an absolute PITA at home with lots of screaming and meltdowns. His teacher has assured me that he has been fine at school. Other times he has been a little angel at home and it's been a bit of a shock to have his teacher tell me that he has been getting into trouble at school.

Ds2 (2yrs) is too young for school and often has the attention span of a gnat. He flits from one thing to another. If it's something he finds reall interesting he will spend about an hour or so doing the same activity. Drawing is his current favourite.

I think to a certain extent that we all behave differently at home and school/work.

I have also been told that my son (age 6) has motor skills problems. However, if at home and pushed he can write perfectly well. I think the teacher's he has has so far have been too soft, and too quick to attach a label to him. now they are telling me there is a problem with his behaviour because he likes to sit by himself and read books at lunch time. Previously he has been (and still is) seperated form his only friend because they argue. I feel we are in a no win situation. When I have spoken to the headmistress about the way things have been handled I was told , and I quote, 'if I don't like it to take him out of the school'!!

lol, my two 6 year old ADHD boys can put in some concentratino when theres something interesting or novel to do. they are generally worse at home because they make so much effort to try and 'be like' other kids at school. They tend to 'explode' with hyperactive destruction in corrridores/toilets/playtime/lunch time/before and after school, they are still hyper and inattentive and fidgety in class but better compared to other times/places.

Also, you will find that with a lot of ADHD kids if you put them in front of a favourite games console with a favourite game they can just become so absorbed in it that they become oblivious of things going on around them. It would appear to a casual onlooker that they are settled down nicely, this isnt the case..... the game is actually stimulating their brain which is remaining hyperactive, the body is still for a period of time.....but as soon as the game is taken away or they become distracted all the hyperactiviity comes back with avengence.