Update on Week 1 toilet training with DS2 - where from here?

[sphil]

I know there have been LOADS of threads on this, but I need to offload and ask some questions!

Just finished week 1 potty/toilet training with Ds2 (5.9, ASD). We started by taking him to the toilet every 30 minutes but soon realised that he generally stays dry for quite long periods, so changed it to every hour. No success, so brought in a potty and tried catching the wee. Slightly more success, in that we managed to catch and reward a few times and he did a couple of wees on the potty when I realised he was about to go and made him sit down.

In the last two days though we've had no further successes at all. He is often quite resistant to sitting on the loo or potty and will only stay there for a few seconds. He'll then run into another room and wee on the floor.

We've tried no pants, pants and trainer pants. When wearing no pants he hangs on for absolutely ages - from 8am to 5pm on one day!

Any tips or advice from those who've been there?
I realise it's early days in that it's only been a week, but feel we've left it quite late, age-wise (although we have tried before).

Have you spoken to your ABA supervisor about ideas? I was given some recommendations by my ABA lady a few weeks ago. I followed them initially, but stopped now because it didn't feel right for us, but who knows? Maybe it could work for you.

Cyber, I so the fact that your DS didn't like being wet. DS1 couldn't care less.

Honestly, will have a huge party when this is all over. Somehow, right now, I feel like pigs will fly before it happens.

it is a pretty soul destroying business sphil, really you start to lose the plot to start with, what you need is a break, is it possible at the weekend your dh/someone has a couple of hours of willy watching?

my ds really only has small wee accidents so he might let go a dribble, which won't be a full blown pee, he holds his willy when he needs a pee (can hold his willy all day) like holding the end of a hose. I did weeks of potty training last year, so many tantrums and accidents I had to give up, ds just did not want to do it, his ability to hold on this year made it much more manageable. different problems...

some decent weather would help... when my ds did do pees to start with, outside, I would have a running commentary, "look your doing a pee... (in the hope that he would become more conscious of it) "we do pees in the potty/toilet" any time he did it - no stress or panic, which is much harder to do when it is on a rug or carpet... I stopped asking ds except 3 times a day which helped me feel less of a nag even though he was really agitated.

I also gave ds bigger drinks less often in the hope that that would help?

I wish I had a suggestion.. my mum was good at stepping in, ds liked going to the loo with Granny,(more compliant? for her maybe) same with loos at relatives house.

Keep posting, it is good to be able to talk about the boredom of it all, we are cheering you all on here! the first week is def the worst, something might start to click for your ds in the next 10 days (which I know will feel like an age!)

tiny socks, I hope it starts getting easier for you, how long have you been trying to potty/toilet train?

Aefondkiss, thanks
I started in march. It has been getting easier, but with very tiny gradual improvements.

Thanks all - this thread is really helping! I'm very lucky in that DS2's programme tutors are in most afternoons for three hours and DH is really good when he's here. So shouldn't be moaning really!

The running commentary is a good idea - I've been doing it a bit but probably not enough.

TS - am talking to one of our ABA therapists tomorrow so hopefully she'll have some good ideas.

We are off to visit the in-laws on Sat for a week - they SAY they're cool with the whole thing but my MIL is extremely houseproud so we'll see. So tempting to put him back in pull ups for the week and have a relaxing holiday - but if I did that we'd be right back to the beginning, wouldn't we?

sphil I am not sure if you would, be going right back to the beginning, but I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here, if you are making NO progress, only you can know that, then I would go for the break as being a pull up week, then think about starting again...

but some people would say no to that, if I couldn't predict when my ds was needing a pee, but was willing to pee, using cloth training pants might be a good option? (which would be better because it gives the feeling of being wet/is an inconvenience for the trainee), but you could still take ds to the loo. it is a hard decision to make... the old two steps forward one step back thing, it is still progress of sorts.

One thing that happened about 2 weeks before using the toilet clicked in properly was that we got stuck in a motorway delay for 5 hours and when we got back to the house, I took him to the toilet and he used it successfully. I think he knew he would not get a change of clothes in the car so he held on. Still not the kind of thing you can plan ! but what I mean is it may just need one unexpected event to trigger understanding. Until then, I would just keep plugging away and I too, found cloth training pants a very good investment - though probably most purchasers don't have to wash them so often as they went a bit funny in the tumble drier in the end.

oh, well done in broaching the whole issue, sphil. i am still trying to pluck up the courage to start with dd1.

Recent posts have mentioned the value of cloth training pants. Dd1 has always worn cloth nappies, and so i wonder whether these would be a help for us...

She knows when she is wet (and, more importantly, she doesn't like wet trousers etc - i know this from when we have to collect urine samples and the inevitable overflow) but she is not at all bothered by being wet in nappies, as she always has been iyswim. hmm, will have to ponder on this one a bit more.

I am tempted to start soon,as she has just spent a couple of weeks in disposables (having bathroom refitted, couldn't be bothered with washing nappies on top of all the chaos) and so she will be doubly aware of being wet when we go back to cloth, or indeed make the break out into pants.

oh, dilemma.

does anyone have any experience of holding on for ages? when we have had to collect samples, etc, dd1 has been known to go hours without weeing, and I worry about her bladder going in to spasm - the last time, I woke her early as needed first urine of day, so she hadn't been since at least 7pm the evening before (dry nappy), and she didn't wee until 5.30 in the afternoon as she knew something was up....

hmmm, much thinking to be done

(sorry, sphil, no help at all, just rambling )

hi silverfrog, it might be worth trying with your dd... not that I am an epert, but this is my experience so far...

My ds likes to hold on for hours, he went 24 hrs whilst we were camping, which was very stressful and sore for him when he eventually let go... my trick at home was to get him to play with water(we used the sand/water table outside), or to stand in ankle deep water in the bath, after breakfast, lunch, tea - I held the potty in front of ds to catch the pee, which worked and got him started connecting the potty with pee.

I also started him off without clothes on, as much as possible, so he only had to pee in the potty to be successful, so he didn't have clothes to worry about.

good luck if you are going to try.

Just read through this thread as I'm on day 3 of toilet training my DS (3.9) with ASD and I think I'm loosing the plot!!!

We've gone to pants as he had an understanding that we use the toilet for wee's but when in a nappy he didn't bother. So far I am aking him to sit on hi potty every 25 min but my dh has said I ound demented and I do feel a if I nagging him as Ds always replies 'Nnoooo' in a really annoyed way. Should I remind him less or not at all and be more relaxed? He has lots of good toilet taining igns so I was/am hopeful he will get it but I can't envisage ever leaving the house again!

Update... have stopped asking every 25 mins and feel a lot better for being more relaxed, the last time I asked him he actually answered yes and did a big wee on potty and put his own pants back on.

I am thinking of rewarding with chocolate for every successful wee... and something for him too!

yes you should have chocolate for every wee, and maybe accumulate glasses of wine for the evening for all the success, sounds like your ds is doing great nicand2!

Oh . The end of week 2 and we have had no wees in potty or toilet at all today or yesterday. Plenty on the floor though! However, the idea of taking a DVD into the loo was a good one - we've been taking the laptop in and he's much happier. No fuss about sitting at all today.

On holiday tomorrow - I'm going to put him back into the ERIC training pants for the week and continue taking him to the loo every 30 minutes or so when possible. I'd be worried about doing this if I felt we'd made any progress but sadly...

sphil, I think the eric pants are a good way of maybe being able to relax, but without actually going back to nappies?

Can your ds not go longer than 30 mins without doing a pee?

I hope you have a good holiday, maybe when you come back something will click.

Writing this from holiday - as predicted MIL is a tad less relaxed about wee on the floor/sofa/cushions than she insisted on the phone last week (don't blame her really!)

Am keeping him in pull ups for the moment - he's had a weird allergic reaction to my inlaws' house - coughing, wheezing etc - and also seems a bit out of sorts in a sensory way - lots of hands over ears, flapping etc. So trying to calm everything else down as much as possible. Still taking him to loo every 30 mins or so and he's happy to do that, as long as Fireman Sam is in there with him .

His pull ups are always damp when I take him - but if wearing normal pants or nothing he goes for much longer between wees, which shows he has a degree of control. We're only here for 4 days, so hopefully it won't set him back too far.

Sphil I hope your ds is okay, and the holiday is okay, I don't think it will be a major set back having your ds in pull ups for a short time and hopefully it will be a bit of a break for you.