Is it just me that finds it incredibly difficult to "play" with my DS 3 ASD

[staryeyed]

It is so draining. I dont feel like I do enough with him at all but I find it so hard- everything is such a huge effort to get him to do anything and then to keep him focused. His attention span used to be a lot better I don't know if that's because it has got worse or because Im not giving him enough practise. He is really unfocused during his portage sessions too but I think that's because he finds them boring. I have a book with activities for children with ASD but so much of it is beyond his years/capabilities. He likes numbers and letters and shapes (but does get obsessed with the a blue rectangle). Im having a moan really but if anyone has any suggestions.

I find it quite hard to keep up the good work with DS3 as well (he's just turned 4).

I find that short bursts are best.

Things that can (although they don't always!) work well are:

• rolling or gently throwing a ball to him - sometimes get DS2 also to participate in this which works quite well

• doing puzzles together - he likes this

• number books

• playing with railway/engines etc, building track, adding more carriages etc.

• playing with toy animals, even if it is just lining them up!

I found it really hard to get them into my world, so I used to join them in theirs!

Line up stuff with them, do the stimming, sit on the floor next to them, join them in the vocalisations.

Mostly I'd get ignored, but you'd be surprised that I got their attention too. Sometimes they even found it funny. We made a connection

Got to pop out now, but will return later with more (probably useless!) info!

I'd second Hec ( dont know if you are hiding your name still) - THe joiing them in their world is great - it validates what they are doing, not sayng to your child "you need to learn to play this way".

I had some really interestig lectures on ths at uni -am an OT- pheobe caldwell has written about this technique "intensive interaction".

I've found it very difficult until very recently stary- ds1'a attention and understanding that he can join in has impoved a lot recently.

I remember when he was 3 trying to get a rolling the ball game going - he didn't understand it at all and wouldn't do it. Train track building was something we did in ABA sessions but it took a lot of work. Joining in in a Son Rise way didn't work as ds1 didn't notice.

Sorry gt to sdashw ill be back

video of II

That video is interesting. I do some imitation with DS already but he doesn't have many stims. He jumps sometimes or puts his hands in front of his face, sometimes he shrieks a bit. The strange thing is as his attention span has decreased so has his stims- he used to have quite a few.

Over all I would say he is much more "with us" than he used to be- he notices things now that he never would have before, he seeks attention/company a lot and his eye contact has improved. I just want to have some fun with him. We do rough and tumble fun but I really want to expand it.

Ds wont roll a ball. He will throw it but not really to anyone. He does like drawing especially shapes but he can get frustrated doing it. Ds doesn't have trains- I may buy some.

I have tried tea parties but DS got bored/ thought I was mad.

For us the biggest difference was when ds1 understood imitaiton. Before he oculd imitate I don't think he realised he could join in. Since that developed his playskills have come on a lot (as an example he saw some NT kids playing with a basketball this week and went over and started trying to shoot some hoops before he could imitate he wouldn't have done that and tbh I was stunned he did it this week). BEfore imitation his attention to a joined activity was so fleeting it was constant work to keep him in one- even a very simple one - it still is to some extent but at least he gets the point of it now.

Floortime is great for expanding play. Have a look at a link I put on my blog

Ds1 didn't understand about rolling a ball back and forth at three either. Now he can do it, but doesn't always want to (much like any five year old ).
It is very difficult to get him to understand about things, his idea of hide and seek is for him to hide (often just by covering his eyes) then shout out "ready or not" and leap up when the other person has finished counting.
Activities that have very set defined rules (eg pass the parcel) or very visual activities like painting or baking he can cope with well and enjoys doing. I showed him how to do some leaf rubbings today. In terms of other games he will run around with other children sometimes, run up to and hug his younger brother (it's a definite game ), or play games like peekaboo or round and round the garden.
Saying that though, I was very pleased the other day and Ds1 and Ds2 came up with a game themselves, that has rules! It involves them both walking round a clothesline post, shouting out "go go go go go" over and over. Then Ds1 shouts "stop" and they stop and Ds2 shouts "go" and off they go round again .

My ds is 5.7yrs and I don't think I've ever really 'played' with him in the conventional way. He doesn't care, is not interested, doesn't understand what you're trying to do, doesn't want to do it, forgets the slightest thing anyway, etc, etc, so yes, it is incredibly difficult! However, he lives in a sensory world so anything gross-motor based is fine with him and this is as close to playing as we get - so, swing parks for swings, rockers and roundabouts (the faster the better!) plus rough and tumble/trampolining/tickling/chasing/throwinghim about type games all go down well!

Tea parties and such like are so far removed from his world that there is absolutely no point in even trying to engage him.

Oh Ds1 loves trampolines and swings . I was swinging him in my arms last night which he found hilariously funny.
In terms of activities typical for his age then he's very good with puzzles, with drawing and as he loves numbers I've started teaching him dot to dot puzzles. Most of the things he likes though are things that a much younger child would like, the round and round the garden games, he still finds it funny when Ds2 hides under a towel and then peeks out and Ds1 loves toys that usually much younger toddlers like (eg spinning shape sorters).

Also I would like to help my Ds learn more self help skills; drinking from a cup, dressing/undressing, feeding himself (currently uses fingers for everything even cereal). I'm not expecting miracles but I would like him to progress a bit. He loves milk at the moment but goes mad if I put it into a cup. Trying to get him to use a spoon but he keeps reverting back to using fingers he is capable but net at all efficient- cant really rotate the spoon. Does any one have ideas on this?

Manny's post has reminded me. I'm not sure what level your child is at starey- but Growing Minds talked about children at pre-play levels doing a lot of sensory muckaround. DS1 is kind of in between that phase and the next one - but the Floortime stuff is really good for taking sensory play and extending it (OT's feature heavily on anything Floortime based). DS1 still needed ABA first to teach certain basic skills, but that combined with Floortime type sensory and slightly more complicated play works quite well.

My biggest problem is that ds2 and ds3 come in and spanner it!

Home visiting teacher had a pig that came with a load of gold 'coins' that you put into a slot on its back. About every 4-6 turns, it made a loud oik. She used to sit one or other of them down and do turn taking with them. I loved it so much I bought one and did it with them too!

I also bought this game where you put a ball at the top of a helter skelter and it whizzed down and into one of 3 slots, where it knocked a penguin down. We took turns on that too.

We had animal sorting, colour sorting, shape sorting. I blew bubbles but they had to say "go" to get me to blow!

I taught them how to do facial expressions. Sat on the floor and said "happy face" and then grinned like a loon. "Sad face" and then did that, "cross face" etc etc. Over and over and over. They enjoyed that (sometimes) and it also taught them something!

card matching is another one. 10 cards (5 pairs of whatever - 2 ducks, 2 dogs, 2 rabbits....) face down and random. Get them to turn one over and then another, if they don't match, turn them back. Then it's your turn..keep going until you've paired them all up. This is something we only do now, they couldn't understand the concept until now. ds2 still tries to turn them all over but ds1 understands.

Dominoes - I've got some with pictures on. They like matching things up.

Skittles is fun too.

Quite often, especially when they were younger, I ended up playing on my own! But I carry on. Maybe they'll come back, maybe they won't, maybe they'll be watching and taking it all in. Whatever, I'm happily colouring in, painting or making playdo people

I find you can also unite in rude noises. autistic or nt, nothing pleases a small boy like farting sounds.

My 2 are very physical, so throwing them about (when they are in the mood) is always a winner.

And finally, backing off is fine too. Sometimes they just don't want you. They are happy doing their own thing. It's important to not be in their face too much.

oh, and it is ok to only play for a minute or 2 if that's all they can do. Don't force it. Let them wander off, you carry on, they may come back.

re eating with his fingers - tbh, I'd say never mind. Just eat with him, doing it 'right'. Leave the cutlery next to his bowl, if he doesn't use it, fine. Mine used their hands for YEARS (ds2 is 7 and still does quite often!) I just think fuck it. In the grand scheme of things, does it even matter? I can't answer that for you of course, only give my own opinion on it.

Oooh, I'm glad it's not just me who finds it hard. Jimjams, thank you for the floortime link. Looked it up a few weeks ago and even though my DD isn't ASD I've found some of the motor / sensory stuff really good as she's really sensation-seeking. I try to do turn-taking stuff with her but she's only 4 so she's not really into that yet. Currently we do trains, playdoh, bubbles. Lots of exercises with playmobil: she lines them up but we make that into a story about how they are all going for a walk, and I ask her where they are going and what they want to eat, most of which is beyond her speech capabilities but it makes her think and sometimes I get a response (usually they are going to Dieppe, to go on a big boat, because she knows that we are coming to England to see her grandparents next week!). Lots of crafty stuff. Hadn't thought of ball rolling so that might be a good one for the turn taking (her SALT does something like that with her) and might also improve her motor skills.
Riven for your DD.

I bought the lads some crayons the other day. Ds1 spent several minutes arranging them into numbers, one number at a time, all the way up to 100 .

Brioche- Floortime isn't specifically aimed at ASD. Stanley Greenspan (Stan the Man) has experience with all sorts of delays and challenges (as he likes to call them). He's written a book aimed at generic SN. the child with SN

Bullet123 - some of your posts are sounding so familiar! My just-4 year old Ds1 (awaiting diagnosis of ASD) loves numbers too, and join the dot puzzles are the only way i can get him to hold a pen! He also loves toys that are for children younger than him, eg spinning shape sorters, and Teletubbies have him rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter!
He would be exactly the same as your ds with the crayon and number thing too!(Current fave is counting backwards from 200, which I'm sure will be useful one day, for something!)

Thanks for the link jimjams will check out that book!

Thanks for the link jimjams will check out that book!