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SN children

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Original poster

Please help

21 replies

1legmummy · 09/08/2008 00:45

I am sat up yet again trying to sort all my worries in my head.

My Son age 9 has had lots of problems, phobias, anxieties, temper and after a second go at Child Guidance (the first time 4 years ago - nothing wrong) I have been told he has attachment disorder.

This has come from someone who seems to label everyone with the same thing so I was advised to ask for a paed app. It has come through for 12th Sept. What will they do?

My Son has started to steal, light fire, has bad temper for ridiculous stuff and is paranoid about other things.

He had kidney out at 6mths
Dad left at 11mths
Met new Husband when he was 2
Had my leg amputed due to long term disability at 6 years
Married Step-Dad when he 7
Had brother at 8
Had all savings (us) conned out of us totalling £60,000.00 by builder converting our house. January

Just trying to explain quite a lot of shit happened in small lifetime.

He blows up at the slightest thing, worries about things, wears the same thing over and over.

There is loads more stuff including school phoning lots about his behaviour.

I am slowly losing it - can anyone help? I know it is late sorry x

OP posts:

twoGsinBuggerOff · 09/08/2008 00:51

wow, wish i knew rhe answer. poor both of you, youve had a rough time of it [undertatement].
i suffered from childhood depression and i know that the one thing that would have helped me was being able to reach out, being able to communicate. i have a book called 'the big bag of worries' which i read to my much younger sons which i hope teaches them they can talk to me about anything. is doubtless too 'young' got your ds but maybe there are others about?

its not what the burden is, in childhood, ime/o, its being able to share it. kids are adaptable. but if all the feeling etc are pent up inside, its unbearable.

my sincerest best wishes to you both.

Original poster

1legmummy · 09/08/2008 00:57

Thankyou - this time of day is the worst because I stop and think and the guilt slowly moves back in, I will do a search for some books - xxxxxx

OP posts:

twoGsinBuggerOff · 09/08/2008 00:59

try not to let that guilt get you... its destructive and unhelpful. try to divert the energy into something that might actually put a smile on either or both of your faces, k? (easier said than done i know... but you know you, and you'll hopefully know how to apply that.)

as for fester-o-clock, we all do that . im doing it now!

Original poster

1legmummy · 09/08/2008 01:01

Sorry meant to say you must be sitting up as you are up late - hope you are ok? x

OP posts:

twoGsinBuggerOff · 09/08/2008 01:04

[touched]
yeah, im alright. just daft, is all.

Original poster

1legmummy · 09/08/2008 01:07

Well you picked me up - thanks - going to bed now tomorrow is another day x

OP posts:

twoGsinBuggerOff · 09/08/2008 01:15

ditto!
thank you
night x

Tclanger · 09/08/2008 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamazon · 09/08/2008 11:04

i don't know about your son's possible condition. all i can say is that i hope that the Pead cvan offer you some help.

but i just wanted to say that yes he has been through a lot, and so have you.
You have no need to feel guilty about anything thathas happened in his life, im pretty sure you didn't ask for any of it and there was little you could have done about it.

Original poster

1legmummy · 09/08/2008 13:12

Thankyou ladies x x x

OP posts:

misscutandstick · 09/08/2008 13:46

I tend to agree with 2G's, its not whats been going on in his life - but how he percieves and deals with it. Some children have had some tremedous hurdles (not that im saying yours hasnt) like surgeries and amputations and separation of parents, and cope well under the circumstances - and some that seem on the surface to have a very stable, loving and comfortable life, struggle daily with basics of decision making (what drink to have) and implementing social standards (conversation and dressing) and get deeply distressed (DISCLAIMER: i am not saying that ALL children can or cant manage these things, or even 'should' be able to - all children are different, im merely pointing out a difference in mental states).

Wether or not your lives have turned out the way they have or not, your son seems to be struggling and needs help. It does NOT matter if there is to be a lable attached or not, merely that he gets the right help which will help him cope and move on, and become a happy child and well adjusted adult.

This is going to be a long journey for both of you, neither one of you is to blame - this is life. Your son needs you to be strong for him and to get him the help that he needs, and i know that you can do it because it is obvious that you love him so much. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel, i hope you find it soon.

love and {hugs} for your journey. XXX

Arabica · 09/08/2008 14:21

My DS has had a lot to deal with too (bereavement, serious ill-health in family, best friend moving away, financial worries and to top it all the birth of a sister with SN) but was reacting in a different way--by soiling his pants.
We have been able to get some family psychotherapy which has been very helpful so far for all of us--you might want to see if that's on offer where you live?

ByTheSea · 09/08/2008 16:56

My DS2-11 has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder and DS1-12 has attachment issues. I am their stepmother but have raised them as my own. DH left the relationship with DS1 before he knew his exP was pg with DS2. We have strong reason to believe she used crack cocaine while pg with DS2 and also in his first year. I came along when DS1 was one and married DH when he was 2. We got residency of DS2 when he was about 8 months old and he was clearly not thriving. Early on while I continued to work full time, we used nursery school, nannies and grandparents to help with their care.

These days, DS1 has issues with hoarding food, telling the truth and empathy or feeling bad when he has done wrong. He also has difficulty managing his anger. DS2, to understate things greatly, exhibits challenging behaviour all the time. I am at my wit's end, so if your DS has attachment disorder, I can totally empathise with your predilection. Common to attachment disorder, my DS2 lies to us about absolutely everything, even when the truth is obvious. Unless he is lying, he has difficulty with eye contact. He steals anything that isn't nailed down from all of us in the family. He needs to control everything, is very manipulative and argues about everything and is oppositional and defiant to all authority figures. He can exhibit very aggressive behaviour, and we have chosen to use Risperidone to try to limit this. He has food issues and also hoards food as well as eating everything under the sun in strange combinations. He is incredibly destructive and trashes everything he has ever owned and many things around the house or that belong to us or his siblings. He shows no impulse control and doesn't understand why he does things. He makes irritating strange noises incessantly. He has no conscience at all and doesn't really understand cause and effect of his actions so he never really feels bad when he hurts others or damages other's property. He urinates in inappropriate places and soils daily and leaves soiled things around the house and will soil in his room the minute it's clean and then be in denial that it has happened, although he doesn't soil at school. He pits adults against each other and has actually destroyed the relationship between DH and I and MIL. He is actually popular with peers and his friends' parents think his is lovely because he is superficially charming to them, which is one of the hardest things to handle. Parenting DS2 is the hardest thing I have ever done and I often don't feel up to the task, but I carry on anyway. I've read what seems like a thousand parenting and now therapeutic parenting books and have tried so many things but nothing has ever worked. He is a very bright boy who makes academic progress in school but has always had lots of behavioural problems there.

Anyway, we have been fighting for years to get the right treatment for him and CAMHS have tried various therapies, none of which have worked. We are now trying to get funding for an intensive 3-year programme of therapy which involves the whole family and considers the parents as part of the therapeuatic team. But it's expensive. If he was a foster child or maybe adopted, I feel we would stand a better chance of getting him the help he so desperately needs. Part of me just wants to send him to a good special school away from the rest of us as it is really affecting the other DC in our family and I am not the person I used to be either.

I hope you are able to get the help you need, IMO, there is just not enough funding for children with mental health issues. I really hope your son can heal.

ByTheSea · 09/08/2008 17:04

I just want to add that there is a lot of info out there on the net if you google Attachment Disorder. This way you can see if the diagnosis really fits your DS the way it fits mine like a glove. My DS2 has no visible anxieties at all and seemingly strides through life without a care for himself or anyone else.

ByTheSea · 09/08/2008 17:11

One more thing to address some things in your, DS2 has also had a fascination with fire and DS1 seems to be very paranoid and always thinks people are talking about him and he is a big eavesdropper. These behaviours are not uncommon in attachment issues/disorder.

ByTheSea · 09/08/2008 17:13

some things in your OP. oops.

Original poster

1legmummy · 10/08/2008 20:28

Yes, it does fit attachment disorder, but we have not been offered any extra help.

I am fed up with being fobbed off especially at school, it does sound like I am moaning when there are far worse things going on than I have to cope with.

OP posts:

Seuss · 10/08/2008 20:35

It doesn't sound like you are moaning 1leg. I don't know much about attachment disorder but I do know that just because it isn't the worst thing that could happen to you or your ds it doesn't mean you don't both need help and support. I hope they give you some answers and help in September.

Original poster

1legmummy · 10/08/2008 22:06

Thanks guys, it helps to say what I feel and also that it is ok to moan. x x

OP posts:

sloppysoupdragon · 05/02/2010 16:45

Hi - I have just read this thread - you all sound as if you have been through the mill - I empathise - - our ds's (age3.5) paediatrician has diagnosed an attachment disorder but has discharged us! We are due to start working with a family outreach worker next week. things have stabilised at home and he is now much more affectionate and compliant but has intermittent periods of bad behaviour when he is out of control at playgroup. Is there anything in the way of support groups out there in addition to mumsnet? I feel a bit isolated as the mother of the naughtiest boy at playgroup...

catinthehat2 · 05/02/2010 17:15

Sloppy- this thread is very old and the opening poster is probably long gone.

MAybe start a new thread, or join in Talk/ Active Conversations to hook up with people currently in a similar position to you

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