In case it helps anyone trying to work out why their children hate socialising in the summer holidays:
"Amber at a party as an adult
I plan every detail like a military operation. Date, time, place, photos of place, work out where I?m going to park, who will be there, are there photos of who will be there?
I get there at 7.30. The door opens, and there?s the hostess. She goes to give me a social kiss (arrghhh! Physical contact from strangers hurts). She says something to me but the shock of the kiss has wiped my mind completely. I think of something to say, trying to remember to smile, nod, say something appropriate like ?you look lovely ? that?s a really nice dress/top/scarf/whatever?.
In through the door?and there?s a wall of sound as deafening as a rock concert, just from people speaking. A sea of faces, but I don?t recognise any of them to start with, even though I?ve met many of them before. I wonder what?s the right thing to say to each person when I don?t even know who they are? This could be embarrassing.
I decide I need some time to recover from the entry, so ask if I can do something useful for a minute (no eye contact, it?s easier). I?m handed a plate with something on it. What on earth am I to do with it, though? Eat something on it? Pass it to people? Which people, where? Now I?ve got a problem because it?s curried something and the smell is really strong and overloading for me. I take it in both hands (since I?m quite likely to drop it otherwise ? my co-ordination?s not brilliant), and walk into the hallway, to be greeted by a flickering energy saver bulb. Only I can see the wretched things flickering. Other people can?t. It?s me having very sensitive senses. It?s like being in a disco, and again totally overwhelming. I ask some people if they?d like whatever it is on the plate, still trying to balance it, still trying to cope with the wall of sound and the flickering and the smells. I?m now reaching a point where I?m pretty exhausted, but I?ve only been there for five minutes.
How do I join in with a group?! Where do I stand? Not too close, not too far, and what do I say? I can never work out whose turn it is to speak, and against the wall of background noise I cannot hear what they?re saying. There?s arms waving, faces making different expressions, but I can?t work out the body language. I can?t hear the tone of voice either. I can?t tell if ?Thank you very much? is said sarcastically or not. Is this person happy or sad, or angry with me because they?ve asked me something and I?ve misunderstood what they said? I have to guess. Neither can I switch attention backwards and forwards between people that fast. This is harder for me than running a marathon would be. I want to talk about something that interests me, but if I do, people leave. Already pretty shocked by everything else, I make my excuses after a couple of minutes and try to find a quieter corner. Only three more hours to go before it wouldn?t be rude to leave?only three more hours?however am I going to manage this?
I make it to the end, partly by locking myself in the loo for a few minutes from time to time, or finding a quiet corner in the garden to sit by myself before venturing back into the chaos. At the end, I have to remember to say the right thankyous and do the social kissing thing again. If I?ve not balanced things well enough, I?m going to run out of all energy and not be able to talk or get home?which is the scariest thing imaginable for me, so I have to do all I can not to overload myself and shut down. I really want to be there and meet people but they have NO idea how difficult this is for me. The next day I have to do nothing social at all. I have used up two days-worth of energy just doing that one party."
Tips: Take a hobby, find them a quiet corner, let them find a way to interact on their terms, only do one mad day at a time, not two in a row, help them work out the body language and tone of voice if you think someone's getting cross with them. Every little helps.