how can I help ds (recent AS dx, 4.4) to stop pathalogically pushing other chilldren?

[MrsLukaKovac]

My ds recently dx with AS (high functioning - very bright, high IQ, imaginative, never stops talking, but very inflexible and has major sensory problems) has since the beginning of nursery pushed other children completely unprovoked. If a child walks past he will stick his elbow out, if he is sitting next to someone he will suddenly push them off their chair, if playing outside he will push the closest person.

There doesn't seem to be any malice it is more like an impulse that he cannot control, I expect to do with over stimulation of his senses. He doesn't usually do it in small groups or in one to one sitiations (although he has sometimes) and he only does it with his peers, not adults.

Clearly it's better for him to be in smaller environments without lots of children, but as this is near impossible at school, how on earth can I help him to control this impulse?

All the mums and dads aviod us, all I hear after school is ''DS' hurt me mummy!' and it's really getting me down so so so much not to mention affecting ds's self esteem, as he doesn't do it to be mean. He is actually incredibly sweet and thoughtful, which makes it even harder to take.

Any one have any experience or advice? Thank you!

well, ds does both. Certainly when younger (2 - 4ish) he would copy things that had caught his attention, so exactly and down to the finest detail that he seemed amazingly imaginative. He was in fact an Italian singer called 'Eros' for over a year (who actaully exists in RL!ds saw him on YouTube and that was that). He insisted on dressing like him and would walk around speaking Italin (that he had mimived from the music videos). Thankfully this has eased recently!

He would also copy things like Mister Maker, Balamory, characters from his favourite films and be so engrossed 'in character' that it seemed extremely imaginative. But I always could tell that he has 'studied' it somewhere.

However, he has for the last 6 months or so really started to use his own imagination. He uses props, like his bed will become a space ship, his room another planet, and he doesn't seem to have any problems using something as something else. However, the impetus does seem to come from something he currenlty loves (like his bed is Sporticus' space ship).

He makes up his own songs and invents stories , so I think that as he is becoming ever so slightly more secure in himself, his imagination is following suit.

This issue of imagination is a dificult one. It is the main reason that i felt DS was not on the spectrum at first , he seemed to spend so much of his life using his imagination that i felt he could not possibly have an ASD. As i learnt more i stARTED TO wonder, he made up ideas for films and comptuer games all the time when he was @3, but when i look back they were all combinations (some novel ones) of themes and motifs from stuff he had seen. He did like to dress up though, a favourite was a leopard costume, he would walk on all fours growling a lot. Also when his brother dressed up too they would interact staying in character. It was and is social imagination that is the problem, he failed to realise that Granny is not fASCINATED by Star WArs for instance and would often start a story in the middle not realising that you didn't know the beginning. it is only now at 7 1/2 that he is beginning to imagine what others think, he has started pointing out things he thinks will interest me (things like flowers or nice views)he wouldn't point these out to his brothers or his Dad for instance and the other day he complimented me on a Jumper i was wearing. The impairment in imagination needs to be more carefully explained in checklists IMO, it can be misleading.

TClanger , are you like me in that I reward myself for doing chores with a wee look at mumsnet(hate housework), eg. hoover downstairs, look at mumsnet, hang up washing, look at mumsnet. I wonder if the other people who post during the day are doing this too.

Another imaginative boy here, it is however all stuff that he has picked up from computer games and TV.

Highly obessive, at the moment it is Top Trumps and he has the most amazing memory and can memorize the facts for nearly the whole pack. So he is hard to beat

No, ally, I tend to post on mumsnet when DD is watching DVDs and DS is asleep! But then my kids are younger so they around most of the day. Housework tends to happen evenings, weekends or not at all. It the holidays here so I have 8 weeks of both of them FULL TIME. We're going away for about two weeks of it but I expect to be tearing my hair out by September. Anyway, back on topic, the imagination one is interesting. DD used to make up words for songs but does it less now that her communication is improving. Doesn't really do imaginative play but earlier on was bouncing up and down with a pillow between her legs pretending it was a rocking horse, so I guess that's a start!! Also mimics v. well, and apparently draws like a child of 6 (she's just turned 4 and I wouldn't know but this is what they tell me!) so very imaginative there.

myu dd (4.8) and asd (prob aspergers/hfa) pushes all the time at preschool. She does it because she wants the chldren to go away - so it is very much a sensory issue for her. She starts school in September so am very concerned how the aggression side is going to be managed there. I fully appreciate OP how fed up of other's conceptions relating to your child and their aggression and feeling isolated. Some of the parents know about my dd but it is still difficult when they witness these episodes. It makes it feel like you're a really bad parent. As dd's keyworker said it's not you and its not your dd its her condition.

DS1 used to bite other children (once in a blue moon) however he got sent home early from nursery on his first day for biting and I'm afraid i cried as the teacher lectured him . I thought he had good speech because he had a decent vocabulary but with hindsight i realise thAT HE GOT FRUSTRATED as his speech was unclear to others and he couldn't put his thoughts into words very quickly (not quickly enough to negotiate sharing etc.).Luckily he only seemed to bite the children of understanding friends so we weren't sent to coventry. DS2 pushes DS3 if DS3 is bugging him(frequently, its the holidays) but is not too bad at school, except in the line. I keep telling him to use words instead but he can't do it consistently yet. I am thinking of using glove puppets to act out social stories about various issues, might do it as a holiday project and video the results, am telling you to help make me do it as i am a terrible procrastinator. DH is an animation director so maybe I can persuade him to help