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Just don't get it - re behaviour

5 replies

macwoozy · 05/07/2008 01:36

Ds(8 yrs old, hfa) has been throughout his school years (from pre-school to juniors) really difficult to manage. Countless times over the years I've been called in due to his behaviour and aggression, and although I've been pissed off with it(not so much with ds but more with how his condition effects him so much) that I've also come to accept it as the norm.

He's got a statement and started out in his new juniors as mainstream but it was fairly evident early on that he couldn't cope and so was moved on to their language unit. (This was done more out of the problems with behaviour and anxiety in a mainstream setting rather than a serious language problem)

Problem is, and it shouldn't even be a problem, but over the last few weeks his home/school book has shown such outstanding behaviour, he's getting loads of stickers and certificates, it's incredible. In it they have said he's made such good progress and yet I've recently seen his school books and it's been really poor. For instance, a maths lesson just appears to be a really poor effort of writing numbers and squiggles, and English...well, they seem to be happy if he just writes a few words, which doesn't actually apply to any work they've just done.

Oh my, here I go, I've had a few so I do not hold responsibility for anything I write!
Thing is, and I find this hard to explain, but after all the gushing reports of ds(and it was and yes I am proud....)why the hell does he react in such an awful way when I take him to the park. He growls all the time and flaps, is aggressive and can't even tolerate any child talking to him. It's making me feel totally inadequate as a parent. For example, when he found it difficult to wait for the the swingy thing he just erupted and typically he was the focus of the playground, but yet he seems to be coping exceptionally well at school, I don't know. It's mixed emotions, I'm really ahhpy if it's true, but I just can't see how all of a sudden he can adjust, he just doesn't behave for anyones benefit.

Next week I've got to go on school trip with him and I'm worried that I'm just going to confirm that I can't cope with him!!!! For all parents and teachers to see!!! I should say though that after a school year of being at that school they've still not managed to get ds to participate with any P.E activities. He just will not do it, and they know it's not worth pursuing it, not for this school year anyway, he reacts too stongly - which gives you an idea of what he can be like.

Please don't answer me if I've spoke a load of bollox again, I will slowly get the hint!!

OP posts:
sarah573 · 05/07/2008 07:39

Hi mac , big [hugs]. As a parent of a 9 year old with AS i know EXACTLY where you're coming from!

Could it be that the unit your son is in have different (and more realistic) expectations of him than the MS. The MS may be judging your DS against NT children, whereas the unit appeciate his needs, and are praising him for something which for him is an acheivement, but would be overlooked on a NT child?

anxiousmax · 05/07/2008 10:11

Mac
Quite often i think behaviour can be more controlled at school, i know for ds2 he is very compliant & will conform at school, he LOVES rules & because the rules at school are always there & the routine very structured for him he is able to control all his sensory problems.

Once he is home he is back to licking the windows & pacing up & down because he can & because it is free time that he can fill himself, in the absence of normal play that is how he gets his stimulation.

Maybe for your ds the playground & the daily chores are more about social rules than structure so i'm sure it really is just much more difficult for him.

It IS NOT your parenting, it is just you have the more difficult situations to cope with.
Hows your twitching by the way??

Max x

macwoozy · 05/07/2008 13:34

Don't I come out with such drivel when I've had a few too many.

My views are somewhat distorted when I've had a drink, his schoolwork is actually better than how I've described (well a little anyway!) and his behaviour at school is far from outstanding or exceptional. He's just had a couple of good weeks and I am proud of him although I know it doesn't sound like it. It just really upset me with his awful behaviour in the park yesterday, but nothing really different there. A few glasses of wine later made me just feel fed up with it all. You have a good point there sarah and I'll bear that in mind in the future.

But it's the same old story, I really worry when I need to attend one of these school trips as I find him incredibly hard to manage when there's other kids around, and I'm so so worried how others percieve my parenting techniques.

Thanks anxious, you're right I know it's not my parenting, although sometimes I feel I'm not managing his behaviour as well as I should, but I suppose we all feel like that sometimes.

Oh and the twitching (thanks for asking) has actually improved over the past week, all that worrying for nothing. How's your tongue!!!

OP posts:
anxiousmax · 05/07/2008 16:58

Tongue, i'd almost forgotten that was a recent symptom - been so worried about my weak arms today
I think i need a session or 2 with ds2's psych

macwoozy · 05/07/2008 18:11
Grin
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