DS3's little oddities - what is the best way of handling them, to avoid making them worse?

[SixSpotBurnet]

DS3 has autism (not high-functioning) and is nearly 4.

Every so often he gets a bee in his bonnet about something. So far we have just generally gone with the flow unless it's dangerous or is just too intrusive on the other DSs's lives. For example, he had a thing last year where I had to be closed in the loo while he went through some Teletubbies "knock on the door" routine on the other side. I just used to multi-task by doing my make-up in there and he dropped it quite quickly. We had to stop him trying to make his brothers scoot on their scooters round and round the house though as it was preventing them from eating their tea or doing their homework .

His latest fixation is about curtains and blinds - he doesn't like them being opened (if they are closed) or closed (if they are open).

Again, my instinct is just to go with this - I really don't care if they are open or closed, as long as I don't have to actually get undressed in full view of the whole street . But is this the "right" approach? By "giving in" to this, am I storing up problems for the future?

I've tended just to go with the fixated flow. I've found that over time, the fixation shifts, hopefully to a higher level. DS1 used to fixate on spinning blades in fans and now he is very interested in helicopters and has used the fixation to develop some basic language in this order.

Helicopter - moved on to
Helicopter in the sky - moved on to
Helicopter going - and
Helicopter gone

I've done the same as you, wherever possible. I view it as the NT equivalent of "pick your battles".

So, if my (NT so far) dd2 wants her drink in the pink cup, and will have a tantrum if I give her the blue cup, I try to remember the pink cup (especially at breakfast - who needs to start the day on a tantrum)

Likewise, if dd1 (ASD) wants the door to the bathroom shut, then we try to remember to shut it, or if she wants stories at bedtime in a particular order (dd2 only 16 months so doesn't care yet) then we go with that.

If, though, it interferes with other's lives too much, then we gently dissuade, or ignore the protests - like when dd1 decide dshe didn't like dh & I talking in the car. we had to ignore/distract her from the howling many times before she accepted that we might want to talk to each other...

I too have found that her obsessions move on, sometimes all the more quickly for having been indulged. abd if they don't, and the behaviour becomes too much, then we start trying to find ways of reducing/distracting.

Not a very scientific approach, but sometimes I think I just can't go thorugh each day trying to weigh up each and every thing dd1 does to see if it will become an obsession etc - life is for living, after all, and it is not as though dd2 doesn't have her quirks and foibles either!

Funnily enough I asked our paediatrician this exact question today and she said to just let them do it, provided not dangerous etc of course.She made the good point that a stressed distressed child is a lot less likely to do other stuff you might want them to.

I've had a few discussions with various people about this as compulsions have been a major PITA for years with ds1.

On the one hand we limit them. So we use a lot of last times.

However, if something becomes all consuming then we stop it. This was following some advice from Donna Williams which seems to have disappeared from my computer or I would email it to you.

Basically she said to distinguish between obsession - as indulged in by people with AS/HFA. These are interests which they have control over and then compulsions (such as shutting/opening doors/ insisting on lights being off etc) which are uncontrollable to the child. She said I had to realise these were not voluntary behaviours and that it was up to me to step in and prevent them from (and I always remember the words she used) 'eating up ds1's life bit by bit'.

So upshot is, if something isn't all that much of a concern to ds1 then I let it pass. This includes me switching his light on at a certain time of day (him with hands over ears). This is once a day, it keeps him happy and he doesn't get stressed about it. If it's something that starts to get in the way of his life or someone else's (having to go outside and up and down the street for 15 minutes each time we arrive home springs to mind) then I stop it. And he has his screams and his tantrums, but I don't budge and it passes. SOmetimes compulsions become too much for him and he starts to go all rigid and silly about them so I stop them too.

Having said all that I am indulging one now. He is meant to be downstairs working with me on our new program. He's not because it's Friday (god knows how he knows that but he does) and he 'has' to watch for the 'apple man' who delivers fruit and veg next door. I've tried to work with him, but he does a few trials then legs it upstairs to look out for the apple man. So I've called it a day- have decided than Friday will be our day off and he can indulge himself. If the apple man came every day then we would have to break the compulsion.

Mind you having seen this week's reaction to the apple man (wait for an hour refusing to budge, then shout, scream, stamp feet and kick radiator whilst signing apple the entire time he was next door) this might be one to 'ban' as well. Difficult to know how to though.

So long as there's no danger (eg finger trapping from slamming doors or electrocution form messing around with electrical equipment) and nothing expensive or important is in danger of being damaged, we allow our boys a little while to get the fixation out of their system before coaxing them onto some other activity.

Sometimes we make whatever they're wanting to do into a bit of a game. DS2's boing boing game involves bouncing off the sofas (making sure he touches both seat cushions on each one) and the first few times he bounces, he shout out until one of us shouts "boing!" DS1's running round in circles became maths lessons. When he was 3, he ran round and counted to 400 and since then, we've worked with him on counting in different number intervals. His current fixation is the gaming channels on sky. We allow him to watch the roulette for a little while a few times a day and he becomes quite animated and talkative while he's trying to guess what number it will be.

Thanks all - very interesting.

Jimjams, thanks - I had read before, but had forgotten, the distinction between obsessions and compulsions. That's helpful.

The weekend's obsession was asking to have Baby Einstein Language Nursery DVD on a billion times. But at least he did "ask" nicely, by getting the DVD case and handing it to me, rather than just squeaking like a demented hamster which would have been the approach pre-PECS.