How can I support my eight-year-old while school starts assessment?

[Cazzabeanie]

So I've thought my child had some autistic tendancies for a few years, every time I raised it we were told they didn't think so at school. Last year a teacher raised it as a potential issue, but she was replaced quickly and the next teacher told us not to worry about it. He flapped occasionally as a child but not consistently, used to hum a lot but that's almost stopped. He's middle of the road at school, attends football, beavers, coding club etc so he's able to be in an environment with other children.

We've raised it again and the school are starting an assessment. He's 8 years old in a months time.

My issue is he seems to be struggling socially, he has acquaintances but no close friends. One on one he's great, sometimes he doesn't quite read the social boundaries and has to be told to stop but otherwise he plays quite happily. He is very happy on his own playing and spending time in his own company, he's an only child.

As he's become older it seems that the friendships that we thought existed are becoming distant. Play dates are non existent, he's usually on the periphery of a group and according to the teacher following yet another conversation doesn't instigate play with others and never comes forward and lacks confidence. Whenever we ask him about school he won't expand on what he did, ever, just doesn't want to talk about it.

They've said the SEN testing or whatnot in school will take upwards of a year to review.

What can I do in the interim to support him? I don't really know where to go for advice. I had a lonely childhood and don't want him to experience the same. How can I build his confidence and set him up for the world where he'll have to function with other people/children who may see him differently. I don't really know what to do and the internet just seems full of so many conflicting opinions. Has anyone experience of this that could help?

I’ve never heard of SEN testing tbh.
my sons on the SEN register, he was put on 3 month after starting school.
how would it take a year?

have you made a referral for an Autism assessment? I would.
does he require an EHCP?

it’s good he goes to clubs, that’s great for socialising.
regarding school, he may be using the breaks to regulate and decompress so wants to be on his own.
do school have any social groups?

If you suspect ASD, I would push for a referral for assessment now. You don’t need the school to assess for a year first.

The school should be providing support now. They don’t need to assess for a year before providing support. (When they say assess I presume they mean follow the Assess Plan Do Review cycle for a year?) Is it the SENCO you have spoken to?

Does DS do any extra curricular clubs outside of school?

What is he like with a 1:1 activity a) alongside a peer and b) with a peer?

I don't know if I'm using the right terminology, they're doing something to see if he has autism within school, there is a special Sen department there. I don't know what else we are meant to be doing. I figured they would refer us of we needed.

Schools don’t undertake diagnostic testing for autism.

@CazzabeanieThey can’t diagnose autism.

you need to ask school or GP to refer for an autism assessment.
I would not wait a year for school to do their testing whatever that is as the waiting list is years already, you need him on it asap.

you can ask school to apply for an EHCP or you can apply for it yourself.

I'm sorry I don't know there terminology, they have a SEN department and have said they will let us know by the end of year 4 the outcome. Is the referral at the doctor an not via the school? He does loads of clubs, beavers, football, coding etc.

1:1 he is better, not sure if the difference between alongside and with? What do you mean?

See your GP, it's very common as they get more towards the end of primary school for social issues to become more obvious. The difference in emotional maturity often really increases. DS was diagnosed at 9/10. But diagnosis will take ages so get a referral and let the school do their stuff and their findings will help with his assessment. They may get someone in to observe him, that's what happened with DS.

I would say try to accept that he is happy alone. It took me a long time to accept that DS found socialising exhausting and liked a lot of alone time. Unstructured socialising was particularly difficult. 1 to 1 is always easier than a group if you're autistic IME.

If he's into coding then I would really, really keep encouraging that. DS is working as a software engineer now and it is a job that can really work for young adults with ASD IME. I expect he's using something like Scratch now? Once he's really confident with that get him trying out Python, it's a big step up but also a great first language and DS uses it at work. I'm sure there are some fun free tutorials for kids.

So alongside is for example building a Lego set each separately but alongside each other. Whereas with they might build Lego together. Playing alongside usually comes before playing with.

Who can refer for an autism assessment will depend on your area, but I would push for it now, not in a year.