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Advice on possible neurodivergence and frequent meltdowns in a four year old

2 replies

ammmmmo · 07/06/2026 04:22

Hi, I’m posting today in the hope that someone might be able to help or advise us because quite frankly I’m at a loss and feel completely out of my depth in parenting right now.

We have always suspected that my (just turned 4 year old) son is neurodivergent. I’m not joking when I say I suspected something from around 2 months old. He was a very unhappy baby, he would cry all the time, never slept, baby groups were impossible - he was ALWAYS the unhappy one, he hated the bubbles, the foil blankets - everything sensory related, it was his worst nightmare (and mine).

Fast forward 4 years. We have an intelligent, thoughtfully spoken, inquisitive, super energetic, yet very stubborn child. Probably quite typical! But he overthinks everything. He gets anxious about everything. He still doesn’t sleep through the night, and will always wake up for the day at 5am regardless of anything we do.

His meltdowns are constant and getting worse again. We went through a stage at 2 when they were so intense that we reached out for help with the local health visiting team to discuss our neurodivergent suspicions, but they said it was too early to tell, and because he was developing fine physically and hitting all the milestones, he was fine.

Recently they have got SO bad again. These past couple of weeks we have had more meltdowns than I can remember, and he will go from being absolutely fine to screaming for at least 30 minutes straight, throwing himself around, pushing his head into stuff, going red in the face until he’s blotchy, and we just cannot stop it. He won’t us touch him, we can’t talk to him, he runs away from us, there is literally no getting through to him.

We don’t understand a cause because he can literally go from being fine to in a meltdown in a minute where nothing has happened in between.

He is also complaining that he’s always tired and always hungry. We feed him plenty and I’ve started getting him to have a little nap after lunch if he needs it, but I’ve honestly been wondering if I should take him to the doctors to have a blood test or if I’m overthinking that myself? I mean it’s no surprise he’s always tired when he wakes up early and burns all his energy out within the first few hours of waking up.

He goes to pre school 2 days a week, and although they haven’t expressed any concerns, they definitely know he’s more sensitive than the other kids and often have to help regulate him in situations where other kids are fine. They all think he is very clever and thoughtful, one described him as having a “very funny turn of phrase” as some of the stuff he says sounds like an old man with years worth of knowledge behind him!

We are just at a loss of what to do and we feel entirely out of our depth parenting him, yesterday we all ended up crying after an intense meltdown and it was just a very sad and exhausting day for everyone. I have emailed the health visiting team again but will await to hear what they say.

I just want to get him the right support he needs, especially before he starts school in September.

Any advise is appreciated here, and please no rude or unwelcome comments. I’ve been stung too many times on mumsnet, I’m just here for advise. Thank you.

OP posts:
scoopofmintchocchipicecream · 07/06/2026 15:57

Some of what you describe can be normal for some young DC, but speaking to the GP and HV again is a good idea if you are concerned. It might help you to look at the Ages and Stages questionnaires before you speak to them. Speak to the preschool and the primary school DS will be attending too.

Keeping a detailed diary will help you spot triggers. The nursery might undertake ABC or STAR analysis to spot triggers.

DS will be too young for some aspects, but you might find the books The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child helpful.

Schnapps00 · 07/06/2026 17:27

Hi, it's very tough & I feel your pain! Also have a very 'deeply feeling' 4.5 DD prone to extended (up to 90mins) meltdowns and nothing really snaps her out of them except time, cold air/going outside or sometimes her older sister succeeds. Posted recently about major issues with clothes, still ongoing if slightly less acute than before. Recently consulted HV, a nursery nurse did a house visit, took a history & said she'd be happy to make a paediatric referral (about 9m wait 🙄), apparently it can take a lot longer once at school as they look for 2 years of evidence?? Or if you want to push straight for diagnosis, I think you can exercise Right to choose pathway via GP?
Just trying to keep myself regulated mainly to be able to help her, it's exhausting though! Hope you get some help soon.

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