How to ‘enjoy my baby’

[Bethymum]

My baby is 9 months and I’m fairly confident he will later be asd due to poor eye contact, not responding to his name often, very sensory seeking with behaviours such as head shaking etc, stimming quite a bit with groaning sounds and also physical movements, terrible sleeper, always active/wriggling, doesn’t smile much at all/react to smiles. I am fully aware that asd isn’t something that is diagnosed now, and with reviews it’s mostly a wait and see approach. I’m not on here to ask if he has asd. I’m here to ask how to ‘enjoy my baby.’ I’m mostly upset because I’m noticing he’s different to other babies of his age, how he doesn’t interact with me particularly or anyone and worried about the future. I want to just enjoy our time together, whatever the future holds, but I’m finding it impossible.

I’m not sure I have loads of advice but I didn’t want to read and run. I just wanted to say I hear you and I’ve been there.
From your post you obviously do know it’s too early to tell whether it’s autism or not, so I’ll share a few practical things I did when I was in your shoes.
I still did lots of “typical baby” things at that age with my DD, soft play, play cafes, the library, the park. It helped me feel a bit more normal, even if I didn’t always get the same reactions from her that other babies might give. Over time I did learn to accept that, and I think she still benefited from the experiences, even if it looked different.
I also tried to lean into what she did enjoy, especially sensory play or anything she seemed drawn to. Getting into their world a bit can really help you find moments of enjoyment.
If it’s something you can access, talking things through with a therapist really helped me too. I had a lot of worry and grief around that stage, and having a regular space to offload made a big difference.
And I don’t know if this is just me, but even small things like buying cute outfits or little everyday routines helped me feel a sense of normality and control when things felt uncertain.
Also, when milestones do come, even the very small or unexpected ones, they can feel so meaningful and joyful.
Hope this helpful.

It’s normal to feel a sense of grief for the life you had imagined for your DD but that can happen with some parents who have NT babies too OP.

I think as the PP suggests, therapy might help you.

Sleeping is a tough one and I suppose the 9 month sleep regression isn’t helping? We found the No Cry Sleep Solution helpful

I have all of these concerns as well

Are you speaking from experience?
do you have a ND child… what did you notice in them as an infant?

I think everyone in this section will have a DC with some additional needs

Not sure who you meant but like pp suggests, I do too. I knew they were different from a very young age even though they were hitting all typical milestones up to about 18 months.