DD dysregulated at school - trigger warning

[Nikii83]

My 13 year old dd had her last session for autism assessment after a 4 year wait on Monday and we should hear a decision in 6-8 weeks.

yesterday I got an email from school to say she had been dysregulated in class and heavy crying and said she wanted to kill herself. This has come out of the blue and knocked me for 6.

If school hadn’t messaged me I would have never known as she came in smiling laughing with her brother i tried to discuss with her after school what had happened but she couldn’t tell me why she said it in the moment but she didn’t mean it.

I have a call with school today to discuss I have been awake all night thinking about it not sure how that will go or what I need to ask for in support.

im sorry I may have been unclear as just trying to write it down.

she masks well at school but has blips and becomes upset and can’t communicate her feelings. It’s normally when she feels overwhelmed she has scratched herself previously as her go to. But I meant she has never used the words she wants to kill herself before or at home

What support has the school provided until now? Support is based on needs not diagnosis so they should have already put support in place?

I would ask the school if they have a counsellor or mentor DD could talk to. And if they have anyone who can support emotional literacy/emotional regulation work.

Can DD communicate what it is about school she finds difficult?

Thank you for responding up until now there has been some pastoral support they are going to now arrange weekly counselling session to see if she will open up about what she is struggling with. She had come on leaps and bounds in secondary school, enjoying subjects she hated previously in primary ( she cried at least twice a week going into primary school)

if I ask her what is upsetting her she can’t tell me why she has had a specific feeling or emotion.

it can be as simple as she reads someone’s emotion wrong thinking someone is angry at her and that sends her spiraling she has perfectionist trait where anything less than 100% is failure in her eyes.

With DD struggling with reading emotions and thinking others are angry with her, have a look at rejection sensitive dysphoria. As well as the counselling as if they have someone trained to support emotional literacy work. DD may not even understand her own emotions. She might not even know she doesn’t fully understand her own emotions. Let alone identify the why. Have a look at alexithymia.

Thank you I will have a read. it’s such a minefield I feel like I have aged 50 years recently with the weight of everything