For reasoning won’t go into, I am quite isolated from other parents (SEND children, eldest out of school for a while etc etc) and so I don’t get to chat about this type of thing really.
DD is 13, she has a smart phone - in the evening it is surrendered at about 8pm on a school night and 9pm at weekends. It charges in my room. She feels this is really unfair and thinks that she should have access to her phone later in her room, and it should charge in her room overnight. Social media is not allowed after these times so I’m not even sure what she would want it for - she shared that she thinks she is being treated like a baby. She has a new TV in her room and can have that on until 9.30pm on a school night - but not on YouTube (she currently loves is it cake!).
Am I being too strict? I just think she will really struggle to self manage having her phone. She has ASD and ADHD and we are slowly coming out of what has been a horrendous couple of years.
I also have an 11yo DS, no phone yet. He also has ASD.
They both are sticklers for the rules and expect things to be fair, but if I make things later for her - I know he will struggle.
Added to the mix is that I often have to lay next to her for company whilst she falls asleep (this is a HUGE progression so am not complaining too much).
What kind of time do your teens go to bed? Have screens off? get them back?
do they have their phones but with no social media access past a certain time?
I want to give her independence but I'm
not sure this is the way.
She is still struggling with school attendance but during school hours there are never phones or iPads etc available at home so we do have reasonable boundaries (I think anyway).
I’m struggling to help her feel older and trusted as there are so many aspects of her life that she still needs lots of support in (more than a neurotypical 13 yo) and she is so young in so many ways.
We think she has a PDA profile as she pushes back against rules, but I’ve found that if I leave her with her choice (ie ignoring TV turn off time) the next day she will come to me and say that her choice didn’t work out too well and she would like to go back to normal! (I’ve learnt to navigate it like this after way too many huge meltdowns).
I’d love comments, advice or just to get a snapshot of how other families manage this. She is a teenager in so many ways, yet so young and in need of support / guidance and scaffolding in others.