Help me improve my dd's sleep please

[daughterof]

My middle child is 6. I think she has ASD and ADHD- based on my professional background and personal experience with diagnosed family members plus dd1 is also neurodivergent. She sleeps perfectly if I cuddle her to sleep and she is in my room or in my bed- however she will stay wake up but can be quickly settled back. However, if she is in her own room (even if sharing with older sister) she struggles to fall asleep, only if cuddled, and wakes frequently. She talks in her sleep, has nightmares, can't get back to sleep unless cuddled, can't get back to sleep if she wakes too early.

She has good sleep hygiene, no screens before bed (only has some tv anyway), she has a warm bath, stories, soft toys and nightlight, a good timed bedtime between 730-8pm.

In about 6 weeks she's booked to go on the Rainbow's sleepover. She is desperate to go and I've booked it. However I have no idea how she will fall asleep and stay asleep without me. It's only ten minutes drive away but I feel like I can't send her unless her sleep improves as it wouldn't be fair on the leaders/ other girls and also for me to pick her up in the middle of the night with her younger and older siblings would be so challenging. She so wants to attend the night/following day and will move upto Brownies later this year so it's her only chance. She has never slept away from home without me (she has slept away from home lots on holidays).

She's been taking magnesium for a few weeks and is seeming calmer but can anyone suggest anything else I could do please?

Just to add, she does get around 10hrs sleep a night but this wouldn't happen if she wasn't cuddled and then settled back to sleep. If she goes to sleep in her room she will run in in great distress within a couple of hours as she's had a nightmare. We also don't put her in top bunks as she moves around a lot in her sleep.

Finally to add she has no access to anything to fuel nightmares, nothing age inappriopriate tv shows and stories are age appropriate, she is a very sensitive child.

Speak to the leaders at Rainbows. They will have come across sleep issues before. I wouldn’t stop DD going.

Some ideas to try if you haven’t already:
a weighted blanket
a weighted soft toy
a life size soft toy or pregnancy pillow
a cuddle ball
white noise
a sleeping bag or compression sheet

Can DD communicate what the nightmares are about?

Some people use antihistamines. If you are going to try that, don’t let the first night be the sleepover because they make some DC hyper rather than help with sleep.

Some people buy melatonin.

In the longer term, you could request a referral to paeds or CAMHS (depending on what the referral route is in your area) or a sleep clinic to look at being prescribed melatonin.

Thank you so much for that. I have ordered the blankets for now.

The nightmares are about things like our pets getting washed into the sea, a snake eating her hamster, monsters etc

If it were my child I wouldn’t let it go ahead. But that’s just me. She is 6. She struggles. What’s the point!? Can’t you just sub it for something else she really wants? No chance mine would sleep

Last year I didn't even tell her about the sleepover and this year is her only chance to go. It's not just a sleepover, the whole of the following day is a special themed day with the group working towards a badge through craft, games and stories and cooking, and she wants to be able to join in, so if I can get help her sleep better I'd like her to have the opportunity to be with friends and do something special.

She is desperate to go

This is the point, IMO. DD wants to go, so I would do everything to try to make that possible.

If after trying everything, you don’t go ahead with the sleepover, I would speak to Rainbows about DD joining them just for the days and not staying overnight. Or you staying overnight too as a volunteer?