Please help

[lunaloo56]

Hi,

Please can anybody recommend any positive and helpful support groups for parents who suspect their child is SEN or groups that offer advice to parents who may think their child is?

Really struggling with violent and volatile meltdowns with my child, limited help from school. Paediatric referral has been made early Jan but expecting a lengthy wait but don't know how to parent in the meantime!

If anybody has any advice it would also be appreciated

Thank you j

Bump

Bump

I’m sorry that you’re struggling. We have a local FB group which is helpful.

Have you tried calling Caudwell Children?

Sorry have just looked at your post again and it looks as though you’re really struggling

Have you read 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child?

Has an OT referral also been made?

And have you applied for a EHC Needs Assessment yet?

I don’t have any advice girl, but didn’t want to leave without saying something

maybe post in aibu or chat for traffic?

I’m sorry, it’s a tough road, but you’re not alone, I just think no one checks the sen board xx

Hi all, thanks for your responses it is appreciated.

School have put in a paediatric referral but I don't actually know what that entails and I know it can take an age for anything to come of it.

I'm going to ask for a meeting with the head to see if there's anything else I can do as I feel like although they have helped, there doesn't seem to be a clear path forward on what support they can put in place. Because she masks and doesn't really do anything in school, it's sort of out of sight out of mind it feels like ☹️ but in the meantime, I'm massively struggling as it's been like this for years and initially it was thought to be tantrums as a young child, then misbehaving as she got older but it does feel like there's something else at play x

Rather than the HT, request a meeting with the SENCO. Unless of course they are one and the same in DD’s school.

The school should be providing support. Support in school is based on needs, not diagnosis. Are they providing anything already?

The appearing to cope at school and exploding at home is known as the coke bottle effect/after-school restraint collapse. It signifies unmet needs at school. There will be signs at school. The school just isn’t seeing them or recognising them for what they are.

Masking at school doesn’t mean the school can’t provide support. They can.

Is there anything in particular you are struggling with at home?

Some parent carer forums run parent carer groups or can signpost to services locally who do.

@2x4greenbrick thank you for your advice, I will contact school and ask for a meeting.

I know about restraint collapse and I think that is something she struggles with, she has started to wear ear defenders at school despite initially not wanting to as she said it's just too loud. I have also adjusted the routine after we finish school and she literally has a snack infront of the tv and I leave her alone for like 30 minutes to chill out.

The issue is, I share her care 50/50 with her usual dad so I can only manage what her schedule looks like 50% of the time and he is genuinely the most emotionally unavailable idiot who think she just behaves like this at home because I'm a shitty parent

I'm massively struggling with her having violent outbursts, for years. It's making me have panic attacks, migraines and stress and I feel like I'm struggling to cope.

She has her counselling at school which has now ended, they have also told me which websites to get resources from and she has more movement breaks during the school day to try and support her - that's all I can think from the top of my head

If DD is struggling with the noise at school, as well as ear defenders, discuss with the school things like considering placement within the classroom (some areas of classrooms are busier than others), who DD is sat next to (does she need a desk to herself or a carefully selected peer), assemblies (can she sit at the side/back/front or not go into assemblies), lunchtime (does she need somewhere quieter to eat or to go in slightly earlier and sit in the quieter area of the hall), the playground (does DD need a quieter lunch club), the beginning and end of the school day (does DD need to arrive/leave 5/10mind early via a quieter entrance). Does the school have someone who can run sensory circulates? Do they have a nurture group? What about someone who can support Zones of Regulation work or other emotional literacy work? Are they providing proper movement breaks or the half hearted rubbish ones?

Some people find the books The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child helpful. Others find PDA strategies or non-violet resistance resources useful.

Do you have any sensory equipment/toys at home?

the most emotionally unavailable idiot who think she just behaves like this at home because I'm a shitty parent

I’m glad you recognise this is rubbish. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel otherwise. DD appears to take it out on you because you are the safe person. It says more about ex that DD feels she has to mask around him.

Have you thought about counselling and/or antidepressants for you? Some parents find them helpful for coping.

@2x4greenbrick thank you for your help.

These are definitely questions I can ask, I have asked if there's anything they can do for lunch times which they said she will just have to wear ear defenders. They have a "hub" at lunch but this is being ran by children now instead of the pastoral care leader like it was originally and she says it gets really busy.

I've got medication for the panic attacks, I've had counselling last year but genuinely don't think it helped, I just got upset talking about it really and I have considered anti depressants many times but have made the choice to try and make myself better in other ways first such as better diet, exercise, self care etc but I'm so exhausted when she's gone that the thought of going to the gym makes me want to vom 😢 when I eventually do that, if I don't feel any better or have better coping skills then I absolutely will be going on anti depressants x

The school should be making reasonable adjustments and their best endeavours to meet DD’s SEN. If they need more support to do that, what have they done about that? Have they applied for high needs top up funding, requested an EHCNA, contacted outside agencies? The school can do more than merely say DD can wear ear defenders.

@2x4greenbrick no I don't think so, my viewpoint is that she's "fine" at school, so it feels like out of sight out of mind sadly!

I don't even know where to start, or having any understanding in how to parent a child who may have SEN. It's only been in the past 4 months where it has been considered after a family friend who works in a school suggested it and since then, the pieces have sort of fallen together and we have picked up on more things pointing toward it

Could you talk to the GP about trying antidepressants? They don’t have to be long term if that’s what you want. I’ve had a couple of times in my life where I w taken them and come back off wirh yhe support of my GP and it’s really helped me.

To start to learn about the SEN system in schools, you might find it helpful to read IPSEA and SOSSEN’s websites. It is also worth reading the SENCOP if you haven’t already.

Thank you all for your help, I will definitely do some reading and arrange a meeting with the senco, it's really quite annoying that school haven't suggested it previously as they've been aware of the situation now for years

Also we do have some sensory bits such as a "nesti" as we struggle with bedtimes but she's not fussed, we had a weighted blanket which she didn't like and we also have fidgets. Open to other suggestions if anything else might be better ☺️

It depends on DD’s sensory profile.

You could look at a mini indoor trampoline, cuddle ball and bodysok. If DD likes weighted items but doesn’t like the weighted blanket, you can get weighted soft toys.