DS diagnosed with Aspergers today

[unfitmother]

It didn't come as any sort of suprise, I still went home and cried though.
I went away with a load of leaflets on the NAS (my sister works for them!) and that was it really.
I'm left feeling 'now what'. DH and I need some time to come to terms with it before thinking about discussing it with DS who is 11.
Any wise words?

promised some books ....here's my favourite publisher Jessica Kingsley who have some fantastic books.

Too many to recommend.

There are books to help your son understand (when you are ready to tell him) there are books about school probs and even 'husbands that don't understand'!!!!

Was your DS at drama class? That's very encouraging, can't visualise my DS doing anything like that yet but he's only 3. Expecting big improvements once he starts pre-school (with extra staff) and sees what's expected of other 3yr olds. At the moment he is Mr Perfect and everyone else is too thick to bother with, fine at home with family but real life has different requirements.
We suspect my dad is AS, he is likewise superconfident, the 2 of them would probably think Aspergers is the next phase of human evolution. Maybe your DH could think about it in those terms .

here are a few that i have read that are good:

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/9781843105183

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/9781843101437

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/9781853029301

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/9781853025778

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/9781853029783

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/9781843102069

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/9781853029745

#mark er#7

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/9781843104162

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/9781843100980

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/97818431014370

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/97818431014371

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/97818431014372

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/97818431014373

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/97818431014374

www.jkp.com/catalogue/book.php/isbn/97818431014375

(if you ask your library they can order them)

Some very useful contributions on here.

Buckets - your description of feelings about diagnosis is just as mine was. Relief as had difficulties with Ds from birth but thought it was me as he was first child. But no going back once diagnosis (despite earlier expert telling us 'definitely not aspergic).

My Ds also does drama and it suits him well. he doesn't do any other clubs etc. But he acts well. The only problem he has had to overcome is frustration when others can't remember their lines - he knows them all!

Buckets - not sure what age your ds is? have you and others who have posted here told your dc (if so how and when?).

Unfitmother - your DH's reaction is interesting to me. My Dp has taken some time to come to terms with the fact that ds will have a difft relationship with him to that he had with his own dad. i am not saying worse, just different.

sasquatch - I have also had mixed reactions (the worst being - are you sure?) and have therefore told only a few people.

LeonieD - your positive approach is inspiring.

bubblagirl - I can so empathise with what you say. Some of it could be me speaking.

sorry the last few books are all the same!

That'll keep me busy - thanks!

actually, i was quite 'shocked' how many books i have actually read over the past few years!!!!!

Hi all,

unfit mother, my ds also couldnt stand being teased, would lash out and be punished. he has matured so much. Since dx he is understood so much more, not punished and his teacher is keen to learn more on AS and further staff development, all good sides to dx!

Also since I told him he understands his behaviours so much more, tells me not to milk dx, and has disclosed voluntarily to two nice friends [that I know of].

I personally find the dx a relief, a confirmation of a definate difference in ds, which also poses problems in telling friends and relatives. My sister, since I told her, has refused to acknowledge it and insists on looking at ds's many strengths instead of his afd. I can see the point, but to me it doesnt acknowledge my feelings and the support I could do with from her, seeing as she insists ds doesnt need her support.

mistressm, I was recently told by a parent that they didnt tell their child [13] for a couple of years and the child is very angry, now having been told, that they kept him in the dark.

My ds also learns the whole play, and is known for standing on stage and getting angry because others fluff their lines ! but most of his peers are very accepting.

ds3 has just colured over the outer cardboard of the huge dairymilk we gave dh for fathers day- with a glittery feltip pen...brought it out to the kitchen - proud as anything as he's wiped the pen off- to reveal a 'subtle red sheen' and then i walk in the front room to discover he has achieved this by wiping the card all over our carpet

i am posting this here...as it is a good example of how ds3 does things which really make me want to murder him- but i have to take a step back and see what he's done from his perspective.

Today he's been stimming alot- and when he was doing this coloring he was laid on his back , arms outstretched - not really purposfully colouring- and he 'discovered' his sleeve had wiped off the pen- and he liked the result- so to speed it up- he rubbed it on the carpet.

Another family, another mum- he'd get a slap. But i have to believe that he is unaware of some of what he does- as to do otherwise would be to see him as a naughty nasty spiteful child.

{now i have to try and clean the carpet before dh sees it- as he still after 5 years does not accept ASD in our life}

Hope the stain comes out of your carpet OK.
That must makes thing difficult if DH does not 'accept' ASD?

DH and I had a big chat this am, he does not want to tell anyone about DS's dx. He came up with a good point that we should not be telling anyone before we tell DS himself. He's got me there, he's right.

Will phone NAS tomorrow for their info pack and then set about making sure I know what I want to tell DS and want to have information, preferably a good book, ready for when we have the conversation. I'm nervous! I don't know why as I'm sure he'll just shrug his shoulders and accept it.

Sasquatch, sorry your sister is being so unsupportive. DH is worried that one of mine will be.

Have only told one person so far and that is the sister who works for the NAS, so confident of a good reaction there!

DH not sure wether he wanted to tell the school but as I pointed out that unless we inform the school we could have problems citing the DDA Act, if we ever needed to, without them having prior knowledge of his disability.

Do you mean tell his current school? I assume you'll be making use of the ASD expertise at the new one. I would tell the current one if only for the benefit of future pupils, so that the teachers can say 'ah, that explains it' and maybe do some research themselves. Should also help dispell any negativity caused by your DS's behaviour that might have built up - let's them forgive him and themselves iyswim. Obviously he's not got much longer there but if it improves his daily life at school while he's processing this new info, that can only be good can't it?

Current school used to be great, the head was the SENCO. It was she who suggested drama lessons and first asked if she could involve the autism support team. Things went off since she left. I just want to get to the end of term really.
New High school is mainstream with an ASD Resource base but DS had not been dx'd when we were given a place. I think we need to let them know what his dx is.

Someone's out to get me!!

DD dx'd with Alports syndrome today!!

2 different syndromes in 4 days, good job I've only 2 DCs!

you are definitely being tested this week unfit - your head must be spinning. Deep breaths - and maybe a glass or two....

Do you have a supportive GP?

Thanks MsBombastic, was thinking about opening a bottle - I deserve it!

Don't have much to do with GP can't remember last time I saw them. Spend a lot of time at the peadiatricians though.

Feeling better about DS now. Tried to ring NAS today but couldn't get through.

DD not really a big surprise, knew she was a carrier as DH has it but was hoping she wouldn't be affected. It's amazing what she picked up at the appt. Had to talk to her about her children in response to her questions - she's 7!!

Should say I'm MisStressM, havnen't really mastered name changing so shall stick as Bombastic now.

FYI the NAS stuff always came very clearly labelled as such. If you've decided not to tell your DS yet you might want to make sure he (or your clearly very on the ball DD!) doesn't intercept post and catch you on the hop.

Shame about GP - i have found a really good one and her support has been v. valuable through various family crises. She gave me details of a local AS support group....although i haven't been yet.

My DD is 7 also. Had hosp appt today about dental/jaw probs which need an op with general anaesth. Thought i'd spoken in 'code' about this part so as not to worry her too much in advance, but discovered afterwards she knew the score!

Glad you are staying positive - enjoy the wine.

Feel much more chilled after the wine.
MsBombastic/MisStressM have you discussed the dx with your DS yet? I wasn't sure from your previous posts.
Thanks for the warning about NAS literature, post normally comes after they've gone to school so should be able to intercept.
I feel keen to mention to DS in a very low-key way about the dx.He has been given a very good Transition to High School pack which has 'Autism Support Team' all over it. I really need to explain what this all means don't I?

have to help ds revise for exam 2mrw. Haven't told him dx yet - but other factors involved. will post again l8r.

Hi Unfitmother!
DS was only 7 when dxd Asperger's. He had been very depressed and was relieved to know that there was a name to describe the way he was feeling and thinking. He had a 1-1 LSA put in place by school; and we felt it was important that he understood why she was there. He thought he was 'stupid' and 'useless'and needed ELSA support for a long time.
Now he's met lots of AS adults and children, he doesn't think he is 'special'; but feels that he belongs to a group of similar people he can understand.
We tried a workbook called 'Asperger's-what does it mean to me?' - it was interesting for me to find which bits he related to.
(Whispering very quietly now - not everyone is a fan of Tony Attwood, although most of us seem to read his books)
Unfit - is your DS asleep yet? I used to stand and cry over my beautiful son lying asleep; but he's opened my eyes to a whole new world and lots of new friends.

Unfit, why don't you buy a copy of All Cats Have Aspergers and leave it on the coffee table for him to flick through? Then if he doesn't bring it up or appear to make any connection, at least he's aware of the concept when you start talking about it. Will come in useful for introducing it to others too.

Thanks catok,

I've just ordered 'Aspergers - what does it mean to me?' from the NAS website.
Haven't seen All Cats Have Aspergers, Buckets, will look out for it.