Should a teacher be asking children to actually name those peers that UPSET or ANNOY them during PSHE or CIRCLE TIME??

[MUM23ASD]

As that's DS3's latest tale of woe.

this week has been challenging to say the least...and i cannot 100% believe him...and DS2 says they are not allowed to name names in circle time.

However...apparently 6 children named ds3 and to 'check' if he was lying i asked him who else got named...and he did name some others.

I'm really concerned that he's making this up...and if so...how low is his self esteem????

However...what if he's not? i am firstly going to ask a couple of mums down the school to ask their children if the teacher did 'ask the class to name and shame'...and then approach the school- either regarding what i feel is wrong about the teacher doing this- or about what is going on in ds's head at the moment.

Blimey, that's completely wrong, if ds is giving you the full facts (and I don't mean that harshly, is normal for children to have a different POV to adults). Poor lad, you need to sort out his problems with the school anyway.

thanks edam...i hope he's got it wrong...he just came out with it out of the blue last night just before bed. No prompting...that is what is niggling me...it wasn't part of the usual "how was school today" routine questioning we go through every day...he was just sat there watching tv and he blurted it out.

earlier this week he said his teacher had told the class he was 'Her Baby' and if he carried on being silly she's "bring him in a dummy and rattle"

so this week i am glad to say is over as far as i am concerned at 3.15

decided that i will write a letter to senco once i know what facts are...as even if he's making it all up...i fiond that actually more concerning than if the teacehr has said it...as if he's making it up....WHY?

OMG. sounds like the teacher needs a bit of up to date training.

I can see why you are concerned. Poor DS3 .

If he isn't making it up then that is really awful and the teacher should def. not be encouraging 'name and shame' type stuff. If he is making it up sounds like he has some issues with the teacher anyway. Poor chap must be dwelling on something to come out with it like that - hope you can get to the bottom of it. At least it's nearly the weekend!

OMG - i dont encourage violence, or tolerate it....

but she needs a slap!!!!

NAME AND SHAME???? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BELITTLING, and DEROGATORY REMARKS (baby, rattles, dummy, etc) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

something needs to be said. get the head involved. no no no its not good enough, grrrr it makes me so mad, are these children not under enough peer pressure without the so called 'adults' adding to it??? GRRRRRRRRR

oh your poor ds3. I agree that, whether he's making it up or not, it's very worrying either way.

have decided to write a formal letter (WITHOUT CHECKING OUT FACTS WITH OTHER MUMS AS I HAD PLANNED)
My reasoning is to try a bit of 'reverse psychology' in that my letter will be along the lines of how i cannot possibly believe that such things have been going on at school...and therefore would like the senco to spend a bit of time with DS to find out how he's feeling...to find out why he is seeking attention this way.

Hopefully she will be more careful how she handles such discussions in future...if she is aware just how ds3 takes things on board.

however...he may be telling the truth...in which case she may look guilty when head speaks to her....

let you know

Good plan, that way you should get to bottom of things without it getting all confrontational before you're clear on the facts.

That sounds like a very good plan. Fingers crossed for you.

mummypig - great nickname!

There is a rule that no names should be used in circle time. Sometimes, depending on the situation and age of children, it is impossible to stop someone mentioning a name (or someone is determined to do so). Speak to teh teacher and ask what's been happening.

thank you

Mum23 asd good idea - much less confrontational.

misscut ..why are some parents so eager to believe that all teachers are nasty/stupid/vindicative/useless (delete as required) and need to be reported to the head at once?? as was pointed out, a childs POV is often not the same as a grown up's. As a teacher it pisses me off to see how quickly parents make a judgement on the smallest of evidence and shout " something needs to be done!!!!!!

sigh... who'd want this job!!!!

sorry you have had such a stressful week. hope letter to senco helps you get to the bottom of this.

i haven't written the letter DS3 has had 'the tummy ache' all weekend- sure its anxiety . We've done a few 'social story' type things today covering how angry and sad feelings can make you feel poorly- DS said he wishes he wasn't so busy all the time as it makes him hot and sweaty and then his tummy hurts...to me that sums it up - he is always on the go...he gets told of frequently- and he cannot stop himself- he needs someone to put his brakes on.

he's been stimming alot today- mainly lying on floor and holding things very close to his eyes- then moving them from side to side- backwards and forwards- alternating shutting one ye then the other. Then when sitting up- lots of rocing and swaying.
I just hope he does all that when he is at school- as the SALT is 'viewing' him on 25th june- so wish she'd been a fly on my wall this weekend!!!

I think me having OCD helps sometimes as i fully understand the nauseus feelings associated with anxiety and inability to stop whatever is distressing me or others.

He's been high maintanence all weekend- has been seeking 1:1 - and i am tempted to just phone school to ask for a convienient time to have a chat- i don't want to tell them over the phone- i know this sounds sick- but i want hem to see how i am feeling about all this.

As Anastasia sang "I'm So Tired Of Always Being Sick And Tired"

Also...i got upset when ds was 'designing' a book cover (as he likes to do on PowerPoint)...he often spends hours adding/changing text- clipart etc....
anyway...why i got upset.....????.....
It was the title of the book

"Loud Mouth Louis By Anne Fine"

When i asked him where he had read it- he said his teacher was reading it this week as the 'class story'

He told me its about a boy that always gets in trouble for talking and busybodying in class.

guess she's really focussing on behaviour this week- what with dummy comment...naming those that annoy you and this book

Makes me even more certain that she has NOT been targeting him...but he is sensitive to it all cos he cannot stop himself.

Sounds like you could be right to me and your ds could just be missinterpreting teachers lessons. At least if you do arrange a 1:1 you can bring this to their attention, the teacher needs to know that your ds has been taking the lessons too personally - not to blame her but just so she is aware and can watch out for signs.

Know how you feel about the sick feeling - I get that. I'm okay if I can work out a plan of action or can take time out to think things through but it's the times when you can't do anything about a situation or don't know how things are going to pan out.

and it gets worse.....

i spoke to his teacher yesterday ref his 1st day on meds (and she reported no difference )

But...what really 'got' me was when i mentioned in passing this 'naming and shaming' that ds reprted...and i 'decided to not believe...thinking he must have misunderstood...as no teacher would do THAT ....

Well she did say it....and the dummy/rattle thing.

so i explained to her how i hadn't believed ds...and how sensitive he was....and how i had assumed he'd got the wrong end of the stick.

she admitted it all...saying it was all in 'context'...and that it was more a question of 'what annoys you rather than who annoys you'

so i come home and apologise to ds for not believeing him.

and WILL MENTION THIS TO SALT ON MONDAY AND ASK HER WHAT SHE THINKS as i still think it is dreadful.

As far as i am concerned, if i were a teacher...and i had asked the question during circle time "what upsets or annoys you" and names got mentioned i would have stopped and changed tack- maybe getting them to write it down and then i would be the only one who knew.

If nothing else, the teacher now knows that I KNOW and what i do next she DOESN'T ....

Even if the question was 'what annoys you' and not 'who annoys you' the teacher should have picked up that any child would find it upsetting if they were named! Plus a quiet word with the little darlings that said it wouldn't have gone amiss! And the dummy/rattle thing - .

You are right - it is dreadful. If it's any consolation from what I read of your posts I got the impression your ds had just misunderstood the teacher so don't feel bad about not believing him. Is he ok about it all now?

I am really sorry to hear this. The teacher sounds so unhelpful and unsympathetic. Is he moving to a different class next academic year? If so, at least you and your ds only have a few weeks left of her. I still think it deserves follow up with the SENCO or head though.

Please do speak to senco- i had one teacher call me fleabag for a year, and 5 years after another refer to me as cretin. it seriously damaged my self esteem and your poor lad is worth much more than that.

good on you for fighting his case so well.