AIBU I told relative to return autistic Barbie

[FlowerPowerM]

My close relative saw the autistic Barbie doll and bought it for dd straight away. While I can see that the doll may be really positive for some autistic children out there, it won’t mean anything to my dd. She doesn’t use any of the accessories they’ve included and doesn’t stim with her limbs like they’ve designed the doll to be able to do. She also doesn’t play with dolls, never has done. I feel really rude declining the doll but I told them I wasn’t sure about the doll, it seems a bit stereotypical because autism doesn’t have a ‘look’
I’ve had several dolls bought for dd and they don’t get played it, which feels a bit sad, I don’t want anymore but I’ve now spent the whole day feeling bad about it.
I’m not against the doll, it just doesn’t seem suitable for dd just because she has that diagnosis.

Very rude. Couldn't you just keep as a collectors item?

but I told them I wasn’t sure about the doll, it seems a bit stereotypical because autism doesn’t have a ‘look’

I think you would have been better off just saying she doesn't play with dolls.

Autism generally doesn't have a look, but from kids I know a clear percentage do use ear defenders/headphones and fidget toys.

I guess I was just rude then. I will apologise.

My DD has various issues and she benefits from ear defenders in busy places.
She wouldn't have liked an autistic Barbie either as she didn't do dolls. Though a cuddly dog with soft headphones/ear muffs would probably have gone down well.

Maybe you were more irritated that the giver didn't know your child properly rather than the doll in itself is a bad idea?

@FlowerPowerM yes it is more specific to my dd than the doll itself. I can see it will be beneficial for plenty of other children.
We seem to get constant gifts for dd that she doesn’t use or play with, she still plays with things that a much younger child would play with. And she doesn’t do any typical play with dolls like that. It’s quite depressing to have all these unused toys around the house, I have donated or sold many of them but that’s time consuming.

I’ve apologised for my rudeness anyway.

It must be frustrating for you if a close relative doesn't 'get it'.
I'm guessing you have tried diverting them towards things that would be appreciated and it hasn't worked.

I had to consistently say 'don't get crafts for age, get 4 years younger' for my dyspraxic DC. Things that were too hard got hidden or regifted. tbh even my DH used to come home with charity shop finds that I could tell would never get used, so it must be hard.

Yes I’ve tried to explain over the years to all of the family. Sometimes they want to get her things that would encourage her to play more typically but it’s just not going to happen. I used to do it in the early days too but quickly realised she had her own way of doing things which is fine and best for her! She has great play skills but they are often not how the toys were intended!
Hard for people to get if they aren’t in your shoes I suppose.

I am actually an autistic adult, who collects Barbie and is part of the Reddit sub. This doll is quite controversial on there. Most of us thinks it’s a nice idea but badly executed and it feels that they designed a doll on a bunch of ‘stereotypes’.

I probably will buy the doll but more as a joke/irony, in the same vain as when many gay men brought ‘earring-magic Ken’ in the 90s.

I don’t think you were rude. I’m sure the intent was good but I really disagree with a lot of elements of this doll.

Autism does not have a look. I understand a doll that has a hearing device, a wheel chair etc - I feel like that’s inclusive because that is specifically aimed at those that use those aids . Barbie is seen as ‘beautiful’ to young girls ( that’s a whole other subject ) and showing that using those aids is still beautiful. Just like if they had Barbie dolls that had physical disabilities .

However, an autistic doll that has ear defenders and fidget toys is labelling those with autism , as a stereotype. I have a son with autism who has never used ear defenders or fidget toys and I know when he comes across this doll he will be offended.

I teach autistic individuals and not one student in my class uses a fidget toy and only 2 use ear defenders .

What would have been better is packs to buy - ear defenders , fidgets , sensory items , helmets - to use with them any Barbie , as a choice.

Autism is an invisible disability.

Autism is so much more than ear defenders and fidget toys .

I would be interested to find out if the proceeds are going towards anything that benefits autistic individuals too or if it’s a marketing ploy.

I would be interested to find out if the proceeds are going towards anything that benefits autistic individuals too or if it’s a marketing ploy.

@Blablablablablahhhh yes, the doll was Co-designed by the Autistic Self Advocacy Network and I believe Mattel is donating a portion of the profits to them.

Well that’s something , at least it has been done with good intention. I had heard that they had consulted autistic individuals themselves and was quite shocked at that.

I spoke to my son about this tonight. He is autistic and he struggles a lot with identity and feeling as though his autism defines him. He attends a SEN setting and always has and is very aware of his autism. Some of his comments:

“ it’s like when they always have autistic characters on TV who love trains “ ( sidenote - he is actually obsessed with trains )

“ Just because you’re autistic doesn’t mean you need ear defenders “

” it’s like making a disabled Barbie and the only difference is that it has a wheelchair when lots of people can be disabled and not have a wheelchair”

” Do I look different to other people ?”

” why does it have to be a different Barbie when we are the same as all other people ? “

Interestingly , the eye thing got him . He asked me if his eyes look like that . Some autistic people don’t actually realise that they avoid eye contact because it comes natural to them.

I do think the intentions were good and I don’t want to take anything away from children who have found it to be positive.
Sorry to hear it wasn’t positive for your son @Blablablablablahhhh seems like it was quite negative for him to see that.
I’m definitely inclined to agree that accessories would have been a better option, why not be able to buy accessories like that for roller blading Barbie or horse riding Barbie for.

I am the same - I can really see how it can help some individuals feel represented but I do think it’s very stereotypical. By having additional packs there isn’t “regular” Barbie and “autistic” Barbie there is just Barbie . But , Barbie may need some additional support and that’s fine , she’s still as much Barbie as anyone else and doesn’t need it specified that she is autistic .

My son is ok , he can be quite diplomatic but I certainly noticed that the eyes did play on his mind. He doesn’t do eye contact and he does gaze off but I have never pointed this out to him and he has never mentioned it - it comes naturally to him - but it seemed to flag it up and I think there will be more questions about it. It’s like his stimming , I mentioned something to him about it before - that I noticed a situation he always stimmed in and his reaction was “ I don’t stim “ and he was quite offended .. because , again, it’s something that comes naturally to him and he doesn’t think of and for a while he would tell me that he hadn’t stimmed for ages , because he became almost embarrassed. He soon forgot though and it still comes naturally to him and he doesn’t ever realise when he’s doing it