DS4 is hitting us and I'm finding it really hard to deal with.

[MehgaLegs]

He'll be 3 next week. He has GDD so he is still at a 2 year old level in his physical development and slightly younger in his menatl development.

He is happy, fun loving and a very cuddley, emphatic little boy but he has recently started to lash out with intent rather tahn just being unable to control hs movements.

I get the brunt of it and I was in tears by the end of yesterday, mostly with exhaustion but also with a sense of despair. I have tried ignoring. Holding his arm and saying "no". Putting him on a "naughty chair".

He grins and laughs at me and hits me again.

He also hits the other boys, DS3 has a bruise on his forehead from DS4 hitting him with a beaker.

What's the best course of action to take in your experience?

We had (and still do to some extent) the same problem with DS2. I tried the 'naughty step' but like your DS, he laughed a got off straight away - just didn't understand the concept.
I honestly think my DS didn't realise he was hurting us as I am pretty convinced he doesn't feel as much pain as the rest of us.
I started shutting him in his room and holding the door closed for a while. Didn't hold it for the 2 minutes (whatever age they are in minutes) I was supposed to or he would have forgotten why he was there! This did the trick - he hated it! Now, we just have to threaten him with being shut in his room and he stops.
Good luck, but you might have to wait until DS is older for him to be able to grasp the concept!

Tis hard, we are going through similar with DD at the moment. Poor big brother gets the brunt of it usually. We say a firm NO and when she is really bad we try the naughty chair approach but really don't think that any of it means anything to her at the moment.

Having similar with ds (8yrs), he was getting better with help of a reward chart but he completely lost it this morning. Thought I'd calmed him down and then he kicked me in the face. These phases do tend to pass though. I find taking him up to his room and making him sit quietly on his bed can be quite calming but he is quite a bit older than your lad and our behaviour chart but again not really age appropriate. I'm sure you'll pick up some great tips from here though.

Thank you. Yes, it is hard to discipline because he really doesn't understand the concept of being naughty, getting punished.

We have had a great afternoon. Did all his speech therapy activities and some drawing and he has responded well. He also behaved beautifully so I guess a lot of his hitting etc is for attention albeit negative attention when the others are around.

my ds had a good day at school after all that too! Typical - was worrying all day about what he'd be like!

We get the attention problem too but it usually comes from ds2 and dd3 who suddenly decide they need the toilet or have to try and kill each other or something when I'm trying to work out what ds1 (ASD) wants! Happy families!

I know not everyone agrees but I think a cold shower or hairwash (whichever is aversive) every single time he is aggressive should retrain his habits. I did it with DS and he is no longer aggressive, at 5, but if I hadn't I think I would be getting seriously injured by now as he is a BIG boy! Some people thought it was cruel, but I thought the alternative was crueller as in the playground kids will hit back and it could be really dangerous.

ancient - It's worth a thought - def. better to try and nip it in the bud. We are trying to sort ds out now because he is getting quite big and worried he will hurt someone or getting himself hurt like you say.

Ds perfectly happy again this morning - must of been tired yesterday morning. Who knows! Find it a bit tricky at the moment because when he used to kick off it used to be down to frustration and I could try and deal with problem but nowadays a lot of it is just about being a stroppy little eight year old!

MehgaLegs, I went through this with DS recently. He also has GDD and is 3.

Do you know why he is doing it? Is it for attention? Because if this is the case then I can tell you what has worked for me.

• When he is being aggresive, don't take him to a naughty step, or anything of the sort because just the fact of you holding him is already reinforcing the behaviour (ie he is getting your attention).

• Don't talk/shout at him. I used to find myself saying things like "Ds I've told you not hit me, it is not nice, it hurts me and I am very upset, etc,etc,etc" Well, this is also reinforcing the behaviour because he is getting attention.

• If you are doing something else (such as talking to another DS or whatever), then don't let him divert you because again he has managed get your attention.

• The solution for me has been to look him in the eye and say, "Not hitting" (short and simple),but do this not with an angry face, just calmly, gently push him away (body language saying you are not getting my attention), and continue doing what you were doing.

• As soon as he comes back and does something which is not aggresive give him huge praise and cuddles. For example, if he comes back and starts looking at a book, join in a give him tons of affection. Or even if he starts looking out of the window, sit next to him and talk about what he is looking at and again give him LOADS of affection.

• Always reinforce his positive behaviour.

My DS is lovely at the moment and we went through a very difficult time.

Just wanted to add that it is not a quick fix, it takes time, patience and consistency. Good Luck!

Yeah good points Tinysocks. I have noticed in the past that if I get angry ds can even find it funny because I get all red and huffy! Plus he will quite often do things like throw something to get a reaction from me. Agree too about re-inforcing the positive behaviour, you're right it does take time but you can really see it working. ds has a not ok/ok chart and works very well for something now (eg computer time)but we also give him spontaneous rewards now and again as incentive to behave 'ok' all the time.(seems to work - give or take a day like yesterday!) I find if he does have a wobble though I often need to hold him as otherwise he would rampage through the house?? Anyone got any tips on what to do when it gets to that point? I usually just try and keep calm and ride it out, reinforcing the 'not ok' stuff?

have to admit that on occasion i had to resort to short-sharp-shock bucket of water over the head (ds's not mine!) treatment not very often, and admittedly, it worked. but it was only extreme measures for impossible behaviour.

I had a friend whose little girl at the time cold be 'quite a handful' and she had to resort to it to - but it was kinder i suppose, she plonked her fully clothed into a shallow bath (luckily the water supply was good and only took a minute to run) which the child hated. After only a couple of actual dunkings, the sound of the bath running would calm her!

A bit of a soaking does seem preferable to accidently/deliberatly hurting himself might be worth a try on those times when he seems to be raging forever. Feel I'm doing him a bit of an injustice cos he isn't that bad often and we are having quite a bit of success with our chart system but he did have a bit of a rough patch a few weeks ago and when he does fly off the handle he doesn't do it by half!(Sorry for lack of punctuation but v. tired!) It's good to get some tips before the next time.

agree with Tinysocks, most times naughty steps, eye contact, shouting etc just reinforce the behaviour as they can't differentiate your being cross with other attention. If it is attention seeking what other strategies does he have for getting attention? Do his SLT activities include learning to get attention (DO NOT teach him to tap though as this can escalatge to hitting), e.g. picture for "play with me" etc and one for you for "wait" if you need it. I find with pictures, although DS understands what I am saying, he can hold the picture, I can point to it to remind him etc. With just words it is gone into the ether and he is at it again in no time. Is there any OCD or repetitive behaviour element to it in which case he may need some sensory input.