ASC SPD in girls is very different

[Partyingwithproblems]

My DD 6yo has suspected SPD and, from my personal experience, I think she may have ASC. I also have ASC and there is a family history of this.

DD has really struggled with the change in school this year and has started refusing going to school primarily because of the environment at drop off. There’s been behaviours which I didn’t recognise as being indicative of the above from when she was younger, in part because I didn’t realise I was autistic and I was a first time parent, but they’ve become more pronounced as she’s gotten older. I recently spoke to her school following a conversation with a professional, and the school were already aware she has been having difficulties, eg noise (I’ve had to get her some ear defenders because it’s stopping her participate socially at parties, play dates etc), actually getting into school at line up, her teacher has said they’re keeping an eye on her writing/reading as they suspect she might have dyslexia, but my ex is adamant she’s fine.

For context, my ex and I separated before DD was born due to DV. DD has been shielded from this and ex has regular contact with DD, however he leaves DD with his mother 75% of the time (maybe more) which is normal for DD at this point and stable. My ex has said that DD’s behaviour is ‘perfect’ with him, however some of the other mums have told me they’ve observed the same difficulties my DD is experiencing at drop off with him/his mom as with me… Ex has a pre-occupation with perfection, and is completely in denial about some his own issues, so my concern is he might stop our DD getting the support she needs. Ex has little to no understanding of ASC or SPD and has written me off as over sensitive.

Does anyone have any advice as to how to navigate the system (in particular with a combative ex)? I want to support my DD but feel very lost atm so if anyone has any tips about school refusal id appreciate them.

Request a meeting with the SENCO at school. What support is the school providing? What have they already tried, but that hasn’t worked? Some find dropping off 5/10 mins early or late via a quieter entrance helps. Does the school have a breakfast club? Some find that helps with having a soft transition. Although some find it causes meet problems. Does the school have a quiet/sensory/nurture room? Some find having a soft start in there helps. Without an EHCP, not all schools can provide this, but some find it helps if the school can provide the same key member of staff to meet DC.

Has DD had a sensory OT assessment?

You could also consider requesting an EHCNA.

Some people find the Out of Sync book helpful.

Yes, consider an ehcp needs assessment but in any case, continue speaking to the school about some adjustments and whether they will support an ehcpna. This would unlock access to an Educational Psychologist who may be able to pinpoint the things your dd struggles with the most.

It is entirely possible that your dd shows no signs with your ex/ his mum because you are her 'safe space' with whom she spends most of her time. You understand her the most, so she has no need to wear a 'mask' with you. Dh and I are still together and work as a team, he knows dd very well. But it's still me she relies on to help her re-regulate.

A book called Raising a Sensory Smart Child may help with the spd. If your dd has Explosive outbursts, a book called The Explosive Child may also help.