Any other parents struggle with this time of year and ADHD/Autism child??

[Becuaseicouldntsee]

Just a rant really.
DS age 10 is awaiting diagnosis but is suspected to have ADHD and be on the spectrum. Every day we have struggles of some sort but there are times when things seem to level out and be ‘ok’.
I think with Xmas coming up, changes at school are the cause of serious behaviours. Home life is kept to routine and nothing is any different apart from the Tree being up. But at school there’s Xmas jumper days, party days, a trip, a Xmas fair, non uniform days etc etc.
I am really struggling to keep a calm head because home life is so difficult at the moment. He isn’t very vocal about what’s bothering him and instead is just very angry, lashes out, is rude, hurtful to his parents and siblings, is more ungrateful than ever, loses his manners and generally makes life that bit harder. It’s worse as he has younger siblings of which are very excited and embracing all the festive build up.
I’m really starting to dislike this time of year because it’s such a battle. And I know he can’t help it and I am there 100% to support him, it’s just feeling like a punchbag is really getting me down.
Any advice??

Honestly? Burnout at this time of year is real, and your ds is in a distressed state of perpetual fight or flight.

My brilliant, but anxious, daughter has held it together so well until now. She's on the asd assessment pathway, but we suspect adhd too. She's been escalating for a while, but we've managed. Today we've finally decided to let her stay at home to recover because her difficulties were beginning to manifest as physical symptoms. I've told her she'll stay home today and tomorrow, then has the weekend, and Monday is when she'll go back to school. Just 5 days, then a break (still important to keep them in a routine though). If we didn't give her this break, it will more likely prolong the symptoms and delay her return to school. We know her well enough now to know the signs and step in. She needs it.

Autistic burnout is real, and it is far more likely at this time of year.

Burnout is a good way to put it!! There’s just so much going on and it seems his cup is almost full, so any little thing - that might not normally bother him as much - is making it overflow and cause major dysregulation :(
Taking some time off school is a good idea and hopefully that’s helps your daughter. I’ve been toying with the idea of doing the same to be honest!
Next week there are more disruptions to the school day and it’s a worry. It’s hard because he enjoys going to school most of the time but when it’s all different and all the kids are excited for Xmas, he isn’t getting that comforting routine.
I wish he didn’t have to battle with these things but I guess that’s just him! Sometimes I feel really sad for him, I wish I could make it all better :(

Yes, our son has been struggling with the different things happening at school and today had a huge meltdown straight after school lasting a solid 40 mins. It was the most dysregulated he has been for months.

christmas is pretty tricky for him and I do feel bad about the impact it has on DD and her enjoyment.

Yes, going through it now. This week will be the worst with a Christmas party, nativity x 3, and a Christmas jumper day at school during the school week. We've been to panto earlier and had a full on meltdown after leaving a friend (trigger for her, leaving and transitions). It's just seeming to be coming to an end now 2.5 hours later

Sorry you’ve had a tough evening after the Panto.
The hard part is wanting them to experience and enjoy all the Xmas build up but it’s just different isn’t it.
It’s difficult because as much as us parents can keep routine and structure at home normal, school things we have no control over and then it’s a chain reaction.

I spoke with the SENCO last week and they’re going to prep my son as much as they can for upcoming events but I don’t feel like it really helps. It’s different to the normal day to day regardless and that’s the challenge!
I am so ready for school to be done but then there’s inevitably routine changes at home coming up with Xmas family occasions too - Xmas day is a huge challenge and sparks a lot of overwhelm.

I find it tough on siblings when the day is ultimately determined by DS’s ability to cope :(

Some family stuff over Christmas ends up with me and DS staying at home and DH and DD going off to the family event, without mentioning it to DS at all. Sometimes we know we’d be setting him up to fail as he clearly won’t manage it.

it’s a bit rubbish and some of the family don’t understand at all but it’s what we need to do.

Anyone else struggling? I’m feeling stressed for how bad tomorrow will be

Today has been surprisingly okay. The first couple of days off school we could see her easing off significantly, she started humming again which is always a good sign.
Today has been full on and she's eaten very little, and she's struggling to get to sleep, but she got though it. Tomorrow is a day of pjs, locking the door, books and party food, and she's very much looking forward to it.

It went better for us than expected. DC managed a bit of lunch, no big meltdowns. Had picked their own presents so no surprises really helped. The late bed times are tricky, it was nearly 10 before they could fall asleep. Late for a 5 year old. Eating and sleeping less are a big indicator for us, and clothing. Trying to keep demands very low